I received some very good news today.
I've spent the better part of the last 4 weeks in and out of my doctor's office, having tests and waiting on results. The last one felt like a big one simply because it was called a biopsy. The doctor didn't really expect to find a malignancy in my body, but she had enough doubt to order it just in case.
Today the doctor called and said the words I'd been waiting to hear, "All clear." The deep sigh of relief and the full breath I was able to inhale and exhale in the next moment were enormous. I didn't even realize how tense I'd been until I felt my entire body relax.
I had so many people to share the good news with. Delivering good news is so much fun, and it didn't take long for the replies to begin pouring in. The most common being a joyous, "God is good!" I smiled and laughed with every single one, feeling grateful and lighthearted and spoiled by so many loving friends.
When the third, "God is good!" arrived, I mentally finished the thought, "ALL the time." And that's when it hit me. God is good. All the time.
Had the doctor's news been different, had there been a malignancy, had I been facing a much more difficult journey this afternoon, God would still be good.
He is good on this path, and He would be good on that one, too. My circumstances do not have any bearing on his character. On his goodness or faithfulness or sovereignty. He is always good, always faithful, and always in control.
Now, if only I could learn to live that way day in and day out!
This morning, I read from Philippians 4. This afternoon, Paul's words are all the more profound to me, Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13
God is good. All the time.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
God's Better Ways
Hast thou not see how all thy longings have been granted in what He ordaineth?
- Praise to the Lord, The Almighty
Sometimes God meets my needs in unexpected ways, and I am delighted.
I recognize a need, have no clue how to meet it, and imploringly take it to Him, asking Him to show up. It's always thrilling to see just how creatively He engineers a solution I'd have never come up with on my own.
Other times, He meets my needs in unexpected ways and I respond with a temper tantrum.
I recognize a need , come up with the perfect solution, then take them both to God as more of a demand than a petition.
When that happens, I look for God in only one direction. I wait and watch and expect Him to move in a very specific way, and when He doesn't, I accuse Him of not meeting the need at all. I get angry and defensive and bitter, and find it very difficult to rejoice in any blessing at all because it wasn't THE blessing I expected. It's an ugly temper tantrum of the heart.
Eventually, I accept that the need was met, but I tend to treat the gift as more of a consolation prize, begrudgingly acknowledging it with a mumbled platitude of thanks rather than heartfelt joy. I've done this my whole life. Over and over again, patting myself on the back for practicing the discipline of gratitude even when accepting something "less than" what I'd expected. Go, me.
This week, I have come face to face with this very ugly pattern of my heart. It wasn't a fun or pleasant experience, but the outcome has been monumentally life changing. I have found myself overwhelmed with delight over graces I'd only marginally acknowledged previously.
I came to God and told Him my need and how I thought it should be met. He set aside my solution and came up with one infinitely more fulfilling. Ever since I saw this, ever since I saw that His solution wasn't a consolation prize but truly a full expression of His grace over my life, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, to stop smiling about it, to stop talking about it, to stop looking for how many other indescribably good gifts I've missed seeing.
God never gives less than His best, even when it's exactly what I think I want.
So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession. - James 1:16-18
Friday, December 23, 2011
Baby Born to Die
Sovereign [sov-rin] - adj., having supreme rank, power, or authority.
This year, I have wrestled like never before with the idea of God's sovereignty. Whereas once I rested comfortably in the knowledge that "God is in the heavens; He does whatever pleases Him," this year I spent months feeling angry and fearful of that truth. I found myself asking questions I'd never asked before, such as, "Is God good?" Is it good that He is in the heavens, able to do whatever pleases Him? Is what pleases Him always good? For me, at the heart of it all was a simple question, "Could He be trusted?"
I am grateful to say that over the last couple of months, I've had some truly wonderful conversations with some wise and godly friends and counselors who have helped me wrestle well with those questions, and that my heart has once again found a resting place secure in the knowledge that, "He who did not spare His own Son, how will He not also graciously give to us all things?" (Romans 8:32)
He who did not spare His own Son. Every Christmas it seems that there is one thought or phrase from a verse or lyric from a song that etches itself on my heart and becomes the lens through which I view the holiday season. This year that refrain has been, "the baby born to die."
It occurs to me that we, in Christian circles, use that phrase rather comfortably as we talk about the Christ-child at this time of year. But, it is not a casual phrase to be batted around. A baby born to die?
A mother bravely carries a child to term, knowing her life will be but a breath, yet many come to know the grace and peace of our Savior through their story. The life of a teenager comes to a senseless end at the hands of a drunk, yet the story of hope and peace is proclaimed boldly in an auditorium full of grieving students. A young mother receives a terminal diagnosis and determines to live out every last day with gratitude to the Life-giver, and her legacy is a celebration of life without end. A beloved pastor, still young, dies suddenly in his sleep, and his congregation rallies around his life-long passion for the message of Christ and in his death, a new fervor for the spread of the gospel is born.
None of us would dare to label any of these, "a baby born to die." But, weren't they? Didn't Sovereign God is his all-knowing goodness ordain every one of their moments on this earth and determine to use everything surrendered to Him for their good and His glory? If we can be so comfortable with the idea that He would send His only begotten Son to live and to die as the ultimate gift for us, for our good, then why is it so difficult for us to trust that everything else He does or allows will also work out only for our good?
As I reflect on this last year, as I look back on my deepest struggle to rest at peace with God and His mysterious ways, the manger and the incarnation have provided such precious and powerful reminders that His ways are so very different from and far superior to my own. The baby born to die is also the very good King who came to rule.
This year, I have wrestled like never before with the idea of God's sovereignty. Whereas once I rested comfortably in the knowledge that "God is in the heavens; He does whatever pleases Him," this year I spent months feeling angry and fearful of that truth. I found myself asking questions I'd never asked before, such as, "Is God good?" Is it good that He is in the heavens, able to do whatever pleases Him? Is what pleases Him always good? For me, at the heart of it all was a simple question, "Could He be trusted?"
I am grateful to say that over the last couple of months, I've had some truly wonderful conversations with some wise and godly friends and counselors who have helped me wrestle well with those questions, and that my heart has once again found a resting place secure in the knowledge that, "He who did not spare His own Son, how will He not also graciously give to us all things?" (Romans 8:32)
He who did not spare His own Son. Every Christmas it seems that there is one thought or phrase from a verse or lyric from a song that etches itself on my heart and becomes the lens through which I view the holiday season. This year that refrain has been, "the baby born to die."
It occurs to me that we, in Christian circles, use that phrase rather comfortably as we talk about the Christ-child at this time of year. But, it is not a casual phrase to be batted around. A baby born to die?
A mother bravely carries a child to term, knowing her life will be but a breath, yet many come to know the grace and peace of our Savior through their story. The life of a teenager comes to a senseless end at the hands of a drunk, yet the story of hope and peace is proclaimed boldly in an auditorium full of grieving students. A young mother receives a terminal diagnosis and determines to live out every last day with gratitude to the Life-giver, and her legacy is a celebration of life without end. A beloved pastor, still young, dies suddenly in his sleep, and his congregation rallies around his life-long passion for the message of Christ and in his death, a new fervor for the spread of the gospel is born.
None of us would dare to label any of these, "a baby born to die." But, weren't they? Didn't Sovereign God is his all-knowing goodness ordain every one of their moments on this earth and determine to use everything surrendered to Him for their good and His glory? If we can be so comfortable with the idea that He would send His only begotten Son to live and to die as the ultimate gift for us, for our good, then why is it so difficult for us to trust that everything else He does or allows will also work out only for our good?
As I reflect on this last year, as I look back on my deepest struggle to rest at peace with God and His mysterious ways, the manger and the incarnation have provided such precious and powerful reminders that His ways are so very different from and far superior to my own. The baby born to die is also the very good King who came to rule.
But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. - Galatians 4:4-7
Listening to: Born to Die by Shane and Shane
Thursday, November 24, 2011
November 14: I am grateful for the confidence of knowing that "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world," I John 4:4 ... The week leading up to a SPARK trip is always difficult, filled with stress, illness, and all manner of distraction. This one was no different, but after all we survived on the Seattle trip, I was keenly aware that no matter what the enemy had for us, God's plan and purpose would prevail!
November 15: I am grateful for accountability, for godly women who pray hard for me, ask me tough questions, and speak Truth faithfully. ... I have some of the most amazing journey-partners, and Tuesday mornings, I get to sit down with one of them over steaming cups of coffee and just feast on God's faithfulness with her. When I think of all that these women have faithfully walked with me through, I am in awe. They are a beautiful picture of Christ's grace in my life.
November 16: I am grateful when I pray, "Unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all we could ask or imagine," He answers. ... I got to see my dear friend and college roommate, Dodie, last Wednesday night. Her friendship is such a constant reminder to me that I asked for just a little and got a whole lot! If God is so generous to me in answering the prayer of a teenage girl for a godly roommate, I believe I can count on Him to be generous in all things.
November 17: I'm grateful for SPARK, for the blessing of traveling with, serving with, and learning from a team only God could assemble. ... I've written more than a few blog posts about SPARK Ministry and what an incredible joy and gift and honor and blessing it is to serve on that team. Life changing.
November 18: I am grateful for volunteers, men and women who serve out of calling and passion with a heart for showing Jesus to others. ... The best part of my job in volunteer management is getting to watch others come alive as they exercise the gifts God's given them to bless others and point toward Him.
November 19: I am grateful for Thanksgiving, a season in which we focus on the gratitude we should be cultivating year round! ... Lots of people have been mocking everyone's thankful posts as it seems to be the "cool thing" to do on facebook right now, but I love them. I love seeing what others are grateful for, and I love being reminded that I have so much for which to give thanks.
November 20: I am grateful for community, that God didn't leave us to walk this journey alone, but surrounds us with fellow travelers. ... Commons Church celebrated Thanksgiving together on Sunday night with an all out feast. After a weekend full of serving with Spark in Houston, I didn't think my heart could get any fuller, but walking into that room and trying to take in all of the faces of people who've become so dear to me just about did me in. What a joy to and blessing to do life with such lovely people.
November 21: I am grateful for @Lewey11, her faithful friendship, loving admonitions, and patient listening ear. #myperson ... Angela and I both managed to have our Christmas gifts for one another early this year, so we decided to hurry up and celebrate before the busyness of the holidays crowded out the joy of it all. We spent the entire day laughing, talking, walking the mall, shopping for Addison.
November 22: I am grateful for music "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God that many will see and fear ..."Psalm 40:3 ... Music is powerful. Whatever your tastes in music, you can't deny that it gets stuck in your head and in your heart. I love that as the Lord draws me near to Him, the song in my heart shifts and the words on my lips become praises.
November 23: I am grateful for children - especially that my life is full of so many cute ones I get to love on and spoil then send home! ... I have some of the most adorable adopted nieces and nephews. I love watching my friends and cousins become parents and grow right along with their sweet babies. I love seeing God's grace poured out on a new generation.
November 16: I am grateful when I pray, "Unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all we could ask or imagine," He answers. ... I got to see my dear friend and college roommate, Dodie, last Wednesday night. Her friendship is such a constant reminder to me that I asked for just a little and got a whole lot! If God is so generous to me in answering the prayer of a teenage girl for a godly roommate, I believe I can count on Him to be generous in all things.
November 24: I'm grateful that in all things God is working good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose. Rom 8:28 ... This Thanksgiving, I am grateful most of all that God wastes nothing. He is a redeemer, and He takes every mess I've ever made, unravels it, and repurposes it for my good and His glory.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
November 12 and 13: Weekend
November 12: I am grateful for the Barretts and the Hortons. My extended family includes some of my best friends and favorite people. Yesterday, I sat in the stands at Lions Stadium in Plano with my mom, dad, cousin Daisy, and nephew-cousins Daniel, Nathan, and Joshua as we cheered on the PCA Lions and their offensive coordinator, my cousin Steven. And, we texted the rest of the family with each score to make sure they felt like part of the action. Today, I drove back to Plano for the afternoon, to spend some time with my Mimi and my aunt Susan and uncle Tracey. We talked about life and ministry and church and I got updates on the rest of my cousins from that side of the family. This weekend came with some great reminders that I am abundantly blessed with a family I don't just love but also like!
November 13: I am grateful for salvation. "For when we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the unrighteous..." Romans 5:6 I've been reminded a lot lately that salvation is completely a work of God's unmerited favor from beginning to end. He saved me when I was still helpless, unrighteous, dead in my sins and trespasses (Ephesians 2:1-10; Romans 5:6-8). Words will never be enough to express gratitude for so great a gift, only obedience will truly do.
November 13: I am grateful for salvation. "For when we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the unrighteous..." Romans 5:6 I've been reminded a lot lately that salvation is completely a work of God's unmerited favor from beginning to end. He saved me when I was still helpless, unrighteous, dead in my sins and trespasses (Ephesians 2:1-10; Romans 5:6-8). Words will never be enough to express gratitude for so great a gift, only obedience will truly do.
Friday, November 11, 2011
November 11: Veteran's Day
November 11: I am grateful that when I start trying to name names the list of veterans I have to thank is too long for a status post. I didn't grow up in a military family, nor in a military town. My grandfather and one of my uncles were veterans, but it wasn't something we talked about, so it wasn't something I gave much thought. In the last couple of years, two close friends have joined the military, and I have had opportunity to witness their sacrifice and the sacrifice of their families in a very personal way. And now, as I truly sit and consider my family and friends, many of whom served long before I knew them, my perspective is greatly changed. This Veterans' Day, my heart swells with gratitude as I understand with much greater clarity how very high a price has been paid by the men and women of our armed forces.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
It's My Blog and I'll Ramble If I Want To
It's Thanksgiving Month. I love all the posts on Facebook and Twitter about what people are grateful for each day. So far, I've limited myself to just 140 Twitter characters in my expressions of gratitude, but today, I want to elaborate. So, I came here.
November 1: I am grateful for God's stubborn pursuit of my undivided heart. I kicked this month off sitting in a counselor's office discussing the fact that God is never satisfied with any portion or percentage of my heart and obedience. He knows that I will only be truly happy when I am fully surrendered to His good, pleasing and perfect will, and He does not rest until my heart toward Him is undivided.
November 2: I am grateful for 5 "never-a-dull-moment" years of work and ministry at Cornerstone Assistance Network. This was my first full-time ministry position. I was young and fresh out of seminary, idealistic, and completely green. This job has taken me so many places I never knew existed, introduced me to so many fascinating people, harsh realities, and beautiful testimonies. I work with an amazing team of people all committed to fulfilling God's call on their lives through serving the poor. I am blessed.
November 3: I am grateful for seasons. No matter how long and hot summer is, fall and winter eventually bring a cool reprieve. A lot like life. The long, hot, dry summer seemed to mirror my very dry soul. It's been a long, dry season spiritually that seemed interminable, but almost perfectly coinciding with the temperature reprieve outside a sweet sweeping sensation of the Spirit's presence began to refresh my soul.
November 4: I am grateful simple things brighten a day, like having money left on a Starbuck's gift card for a peppermint mocha. When I was growing up, my dad used to say, "If you get everything you want now, what will you have to look forward to?" My life is rich and blessed, but it is not extravagant. It's simplicity leaves plenty of room for joy in simple pleasures. I love that a drive-thru the coffee shop and treating myself to a hot flavored coffee still has the ability to delight me.
November 5: I am grateful for rich friendships. Today I'll be with people who have walked closely and done life with me for a very long time. Last Saturday provided a rare opportunity to spend time with two different friends from two different seasons, and I was keenly aware of how fortunate I am to be surrounded by people who are not content to sit on the surface of my life but swim boldly into the depths with me.
November 6: I am grateful for the years and family God provided at Wedgwood Baptist Church and for the beauty He's brought me at Commons Church. I am blessed by two incredible bodies of believers. I joined Commons Church because I believed it was a door to community God was opening for me. I found an opportunity to do life and ministry and experience the joys of seeking the Kingdom of God together through this beautiful family in ways I had not yet known. I recognize, though, that the incredible family at Wedgwood and the years I spent there were training ground for this season, and I am so thankful for the love and support of that training, sending church.
November 7: I am grateful for family and friends who generously support the work and ministry God has called me to do. Next week, I'll depart on my fifth SPARK mission trip. I love these trips and this ministry, and as much as I love what God does through us in the lives of the women we serve, I am always humbled by what He does in me as I go. This trip, I did not send out any support letters or request, yet by the first of this week, my entire trip was covered by generous family and friends who simply said, "God put in on my heart to give." That kind of affirmation is priceless.
November 8: I am grateful for the women in my Monday night Community Group and how God enriches my life through their fellowship. I spend Monday evenings with a really beautiful gathering of women. Married moms, single moms, singles, grandmothers ... it's awesome. Every week, no matter how tired I am when I get home from work or how much I wish I could just curl up at home rather than drive across town, I am always blessed by my time with them, their words of wisdom and encouragement, and their insights into Scripture and the character of God never cease to speak to me.
November 9: I am grateful that "The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, able to rightly divide between soul and spirit, even joints and marrow, able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart," and for old Truths being made new in me. As that sweet refreshing wind of the Spirit has begun to blow again in my soul, I have been swiftly reminded of the power of God's Word, how it quenches my thirst, and satisfies my hunger like nothing else can. I am grateful that things I may have known or memorized long ago can be made fresh as they are newly and rightly applied to my life.
November 10: I am grateful for my pastor and his wife and how they sacrificially love and serve me, our church, and this community. It's a new experience for me to have a pastor who I also call friend. As I spend time with him and his wife and family, I am so blessed by their willingness to sacrifice home and comfort and security and so much more to be here, to follow God's call, to serve this community. I learn so much from and am challenged frequently by their example.
November 1: I am grateful for God's stubborn pursuit of my undivided heart. I kicked this month off sitting in a counselor's office discussing the fact that God is never satisfied with any portion or percentage of my heart and obedience. He knows that I will only be truly happy when I am fully surrendered to His good, pleasing and perfect will, and He does not rest until my heart toward Him is undivided.
November 2: I am grateful for 5 "never-a-dull-moment" years of work and ministry at Cornerstone Assistance Network. This was my first full-time ministry position. I was young and fresh out of seminary, idealistic, and completely green. This job has taken me so many places I never knew existed, introduced me to so many fascinating people, harsh realities, and beautiful testimonies. I work with an amazing team of people all committed to fulfilling God's call on their lives through serving the poor. I am blessed.
November 3: I am grateful for seasons. No matter how long and hot summer is, fall and winter eventually bring a cool reprieve. A lot like life. The long, hot, dry summer seemed to mirror my very dry soul. It's been a long, dry season spiritually that seemed interminable, but almost perfectly coinciding with the temperature reprieve outside a sweet sweeping sensation of the Spirit's presence began to refresh my soul.
November 4: I am grateful simple things brighten a day, like having money left on a Starbuck's gift card for a peppermint mocha. When I was growing up, my dad used to say, "If you get everything you want now, what will you have to look forward to?" My life is rich and blessed, but it is not extravagant. It's simplicity leaves plenty of room for joy in simple pleasures. I love that a drive-thru the coffee shop and treating myself to a hot flavored coffee still has the ability to delight me.
November 5: I am grateful for rich friendships. Today I'll be with people who have walked closely and done life with me for a very long time. Last Saturday provided a rare opportunity to spend time with two different friends from two different seasons, and I was keenly aware of how fortunate I am to be surrounded by people who are not content to sit on the surface of my life but swim boldly into the depths with me.
November 6: I am grateful for the years and family God provided at Wedgwood Baptist Church and for the beauty He's brought me at Commons Church. I am blessed by two incredible bodies of believers. I joined Commons Church because I believed it was a door to community God was opening for me. I found an opportunity to do life and ministry and experience the joys of seeking the Kingdom of God together through this beautiful family in ways I had not yet known. I recognize, though, that the incredible family at Wedgwood and the years I spent there were training ground for this season, and I am so thankful for the love and support of that training, sending church.
November 7: I am grateful for family and friends who generously support the work and ministry God has called me to do. Next week, I'll depart on my fifth SPARK mission trip. I love these trips and this ministry, and as much as I love what God does through us in the lives of the women we serve, I am always humbled by what He does in me as I go. This trip, I did not send out any support letters or request, yet by the first of this week, my entire trip was covered by generous family and friends who simply said, "God put in on my heart to give." That kind of affirmation is priceless.
November 8: I am grateful for the women in my Monday night Community Group and how God enriches my life through their fellowship. I spend Monday evenings with a really beautiful gathering of women. Married moms, single moms, singles, grandmothers ... it's awesome. Every week, no matter how tired I am when I get home from work or how much I wish I could just curl up at home rather than drive across town, I am always blessed by my time with them, their words of wisdom and encouragement, and their insights into Scripture and the character of God never cease to speak to me.
November 9: I am grateful that "The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, able to rightly divide between soul and spirit, even joints and marrow, able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart," and for old Truths being made new in me. As that sweet refreshing wind of the Spirit has begun to blow again in my soul, I have been swiftly reminded of the power of God's Word, how it quenches my thirst, and satisfies my hunger like nothing else can. I am grateful that things I may have known or memorized long ago can be made fresh as they are newly and rightly applied to my life.
November 10: I am grateful for my pastor and his wife and how they sacrificially love and serve me, our church, and this community. It's a new experience for me to have a pastor who I also call friend. As I spend time with him and his wife and family, I am so blessed by their willingness to sacrifice home and comfort and security and so much more to be here, to follow God's call, to serve this community. I learn so much from and am challenged frequently by their example.
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