Dinner With Uncle Butch

Uncle Butch is the family member I wish you knew. Right after my Great Grandmother's 97 year old sister, Aunt Bea, he is by far the most interesting, entertaining member of my family. As we say around here, "He's got a heart big as Texas," ... and a mouth to match! Butch's visits are never dull, and tonight was no exception. He called last night, told us he'd made reservations at a local five star steak house, said he'd be here by five and to look pretty. We had about an hour to sit and visit with him before time to go to the restaurant, and, of course, the entire dining experience. Some of the things he said, I shouldn't repeat, especially in print, but I have decided to share a few of my new favorite quotes from Uncle Butch. First of all, he has a new found love for sarcastic t-shirts, and has purchased several recently. (He's very proud of his 10 for $100 bargain!) His personal favorites include sayings such as, "My anger management classes piss me off," and "I'll try to act nicer if you'll try to act smarter." He's also got one that reads, "I see dumb people." When discussing various subjects over dinner, if a subject came up he was unfamiliar with, he'd smile across the table and say, "I don't know much about it, but I've got an opinion on it." When discussing his current work situation and his relationships with coworkers, he claims to have to the men around him repeatedly, "don't mistake this smile for weakness." When the discussion turned to politics, he set his utensils down and declared, "I don't vote anymore ... it only encourages them." As we stood outside my grandmother's apartment to send him off, he demonstrated his personal diesel tank in the back of his truck with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth the entire time. Uncle Butch is known to be quite the health nut, so when asked about his cigarette, he declared, "these are all natural. I smoke them to fight cancer." What are you gonna do with him but sigh. My favorite line of the night came up numerous times, whether discussing policits, gun control, holidays, or the "coming revolution." Butch would look over at me and say, "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they ain't coming for you." oh! I did have one other favorite moment of the evening. Uncle Butch was telling us a story about some difficult tenants he had in one of his rental properties and how they'd had a disagreement that escalated until they called the police on him. My mom looked at her big brother and said, "Butch, just how many times have you had the cops called on you?" He grinned sweetly at her with a knowing look and said, "a few." Not to be out done, my dad got a good line in tonight, too. When Uncle Butch excused himself from the table toward the end of our meal after a lively discussion about politics, Daddy looked at the rest of us and said, "He ought to be on talk radio. He's radio gold!" As we left the restaurant, the young man who had been one of our servers wished us a Happy Easter, at which point Butch stated, "Don't worry with going to church tomorrow, son, He rose this afternoon," reflecting his opinion about the historical interpretation of scripture. I didn't care to learn more about Uncle Butch's view, but I did my best to catch the eye of the bewildered young man and smile and return his wishes for a Happy Easter. Oh Butch!