Temper Tantrums

Have you ever seen a two year old get startled in the middle of a full on belligerent temper tantrum?  Picture her: face down, kicking and screaming at the feet of a loving and patient parent determined to wait her out when suddenly something frightens her.  Perhaps it's a big dog or a scary clown or a loud noise.  Whatever it is, she goes from all out fit of defiance to whimpering in that parent's arms in 2 seconds flat.

I sat through a four-hour long meeting today with 8 of my favorite CWJC/CMJC colleagues.  We laughed and teased and worked and hashed out details for upcoming events and made decisions about endowment scholarships.  And, then, as we prepared to close our time together in prayer, one of our colleagues choked out the news that the phone call she'd taken just before our lunch break was her doctor and the word was "malignant."  Suddenly, nothing we had done together all day long seemed to mean anything as we absorbed the impact of our friend's news.

As we encircled her, laying hands on her, crying with her, and praying with all our might for God to comfort, sustain, and HEAL, the lump in my own throat was huge.  I was hurting for my friend.  I was imagining what her 18 year old only child was feeling.

This afternoon, I'm thinking about perspective.  I'm thinking about how many things suddenly meant absolutely nothing in light of the battle my dear friend faces.  I'm thinking how quickly life changes.

I'm also thinking about how foolishly I've been living lately, trudging through my days in prayerlessness, doing my best to teach God a lesson in my silence, my spiritual temper tantrum.  It's so stupid that I can hardly find words to tell you about it.  But, what's ironic to me is that today, when the news was serious and it was bad and it was not what I wanted to hear and definitely not what I would choose, I didn't hesitate to jump into His arms and hold on for dear life.

I'm reminded of John 6, when following Jesus started to get a little tougher for the masses, and many of His disciples began to desert Him, Jesus looked at the 12 and said, "Do you want to leave me, too?" but Peter answers, "Where else would we go?  You have the words of eternal life."

As I absorbed news of my friend's cancer today, my instinct was not to run further from the Lord or to fight harder against Him or look for a new Source, but to run full force into the strong tower of His sovereign goodness.  Today, I don't care about the things I don't understand as much as I long to rest in the one sure thing I know.

  At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:3-7

The Wisdom of Seasons

My Aunt Debbie shared this verse with our family today, and I thought it was a sweet reminder from the Lord.
Psalm 18:28 says, "You, Oh Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light."
I was thinking on this very gray morning as I drove to work about how much I loved the rain when it first began to fall, but now, after several days of rain and thunderstorms (and flat hair and bad traffic), I'm so very ready for some sunshine.  I had to laugh at myself.  I can be so fickle.  Seasons are just another display of God's infinite wisdom, are they not?  Sunshine is so much sweeter when it follows rain.

Where to Find Me - Watermark

Sometimes a song says it best ... 


When the lie is deeper than I know 
You capture me and You carry me home 
You see these wounds and rescue me 
You always heal things beautifully 

And I close my eyes 
And You can still my heart 
And I call out Your name... 
'Cause You always know 
You always know where to find me... 
You always know 
You always know where to find me... 

And where could I wander that You wouldn't be? 
Whom have I but You who really knows me? 
Proven to be the God that sees 
From strength to strength You've lifted me... 

And I could cry from the depths of the earth 
I could stand on a mountaintop 
And I can speak Your name out to the wind 
And You go before me... 
And You fall around me... 

'Cause You always know 
You always know where to find me... 
You always know You always know where to find me...

Amen or Oh Me?

¹ An oracle is within my heart
       concerning the sinfulness of the wicked:
       There is no fear of God
       before his eyes.

² For in his own eyes he flatters himself
       too much to detect or hate his sin.

³ The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful;
       he has ceased to be wise and to do good.

⁴ Even on his bed he plots evil;
       he commits himself to a sinful course
       and does not reject what is wrong.

Psalm 36 pierced me this morning.  Just like I am prone to take passages intended for the church and internalize them for me individually, I’m also guilty of taking passages that highlight the sin in my life and ignore them because they’re addressed to the “wicked” and I prefer to be called “righteous.”  However, this morning, I could not ignore the way this passage highlighted some attitudes in my own dark heart.

I’ve often prayed to know the fear of the Lord and have stated on this blog before that I believe that fearing the Lord means have such a profound desire and commitment to please God that all other fears take second place.  I might fear rejection or ridicule or failure, but never more than I fear failing my Lord.  This passage says that for the wicked, “there is no fear of God before his eyes,” that other fears run their lives and win their affections.  This is true about me every time I choose sin over obedience.

“In his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin.”  Ouch.  This passage cuts like a knife to the core of every sin issue I’ve ever struggled with.  I tolerate sin because I have not learned to hate it.  I tolerate it because I downplay it.  I tolerate it saying it can’t be that bad.  I flatter myself into thinking there couldn’t be a real sin problem.

“The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good.”  This is the thing I dread most when I find myself living more out of the flesh than the Spirit.  Everything I say and do feels tainted by sin, and I never feel right about speaking into another person’s life because I fear I’ll be speaking in my own foolishness rather than the wisdom God promises to give abundantly to all who ask.

“He commits himself to a sinful course and does not reject what is wrong.”  Can I just say UGH!  I wish I could say that most of the sin in my life is not premeditated.  I wish I could say it’s inadvertent.  But, far too often, I’m well aware of my actions and just not concerned enough about it to reject wrong.  I’m too quick to justify evil and super slow to make war against it. 

And just about the time I’m ready to tear my garments in utter defeat, as I begin to recognize how awful the bad news really is, how hopeless I am apart from Christ, the psalmist continues …

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, 
       your faithfulness to the skies.

⁶ Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, 
       your justice like the great deep. 
       O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.

⁷ How priceless is your unfailing love! 
       Both high and low among men 
       find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

⁸ They feast on the abundance of your house; 
       you give them drink from your river of delights.

⁹ For with you is the fountain of life; 
       in your light we see light.

The Manifold Wisdom of God

Last week, when I arrived at community group, Steve had left instructions for us to discuss the importance of unity in the church according to Ephesians 3.

In Ephesians 3, Paul describes his calling to make known the mystery of God.  This mystery that has been hidden for ages is that the Gentiles (non-Jews) are fellow heirs with the Jews, God’s chosen people, of the promises and grace of God.  And, the plan for revealing this mystery to the world?  The church.  Ephesians 3:10 says, “…through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known.”

In our differences.  In our variety.  In our willingness to worship together, unified as joint-heirs of God’s grace, we, the church, demonstrate the manifold wisdom of God.
Paul goes on to say that it is “for this reason …” he bows and prays that they would be strengthened with power, that Christ would dwell richly in their hearts, and that they’d have the ability to grasp the heights and depths of God’s love, filled with the fullness of God.

I’ve ALWAYS loved that part of the chapter, often prayed that for others.  But, only recently did I begin to understand Paul’s heart in that prayer.  His heart is to pray all of those wonderful things for them (for us!) so that they’ll be able to rightly display the manifold wisdom of God.  When we grasp the fullness of Christ at work in us, his willingness and ability to unite us, we more gloriously display Him to the world!

And, the chapter closes with my absolute favorite doxology, “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

I’ve come to realize lately how often I read and internalize passages for myself personally that were never meant for me as an individual.  They were written for the church, for me as a part of the church.  They are best seen and understood through the church.  The beautiful, glorious Bride of Christ.