I sat through a four-hour long meeting today with 8 of my favorite CWJC/CMJC colleagues. We laughed and teased and worked and hashed out details for upcoming events and made decisions about endowment scholarships. And, then, as we prepared to close our time together in prayer, one of our colleagues choked out the news that the phone call she'd taken just before our lunch break was her doctor and the word was "malignant." Suddenly, nothing we had done together all day long seemed to mean anything as we absorbed the impact of our friend's news.
As we encircled her, laying hands on her, crying with her, and praying with all our might for God to comfort, sustain, and HEAL, the lump in my own throat was huge. I was hurting for my friend. I was imagining what her 18 year old only child was feeling.
This afternoon, I'm thinking about perspective. I'm thinking about how many things suddenly meant absolutely nothing in light of the battle my dear friend faces. I'm thinking how quickly life changes.
I'm also thinking about how foolishly I've been living lately, trudging through my days in prayerlessness, doing my best to teach God a lesson in my silence, my spiritual temper tantrum. It's so stupid that I can hardly find words to tell you about it. But, what's ironic to me is that today, when the news was serious and it was bad and it was not what I wanted to hear and definitely not what I would choose, I didn't hesitate to jump into His arms and hold on for dear life.
I'm reminded of John 6, when following Jesus started to get a little tougher for the masses, and many of His disciples began to desert Him, Jesus looked at the 12 and said, "Do you want to leave me, too?" but Peter answers, "Where else would we go? You have the words of eternal life."
As I absorbed news of my friend's cancer today, my instinct was not to run further from the Lord or to fight harder against Him or look for a new Source, but to run full force into the strong tower of His sovereign goodness. Today, I don't care about the things I don't understand as much as I long to rest in the one sure thing I know.
At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.
Titus 3:3-7
1 comment:
Hey Kristen. I really enjoyed reading your post. I actually have a 2 year old now, so I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm no stranger to spiritual temper tantrums myself. God has taught me so much about Himself since I became a parent. He loves you much more than you know and it really does hurt Him to see you upset and distant. He wants nothing more than to have you jump into his lap and hold on for dear life. As a mom, there's no better feeling than to be wanted and needed by your children. I figure God has to feel the same way--after all, He's the one that made feelings in the first place, right. :)
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