Thursday, December 29, 2005
My Calm // Your Storm
Anyone familiar with this Caedmon's Call album? It was their first recording, and a good friend of mine is looking for a copy of it. Amazon.com has one used copy for $30.00 Anyone got a better idea? Let me know if you know where I can get this? Thanks!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Verses That Will Always Remind Me of 2005
Psalm 3:3 But You, O LORD, are a shield for me, my glory and the One who lifts up my head.
Psalm27:13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 14 Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!
Psalm 34:4 I sought the LORD, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. 5 They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed.
Psalm 37:3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Psalm 103:1 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. 2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits; 3Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; 4Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; 5Who satisfies your years with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
Psalm 65:11 You crown the year with Your goodness, and Your paths drip with abundance.
Psalm 108:13 Through God we will do valiantly, For it is He who shall tread down our enemies.
Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Joshua 6:2 And the LORD said to Joshua: “See! I have given Jericho into your hand, its king, and the mighty men of valor.
Ruth 3:18 Then she said, “Sit still, my daughter, until you know how the matter will turn out; for the man will not rest until he has concluded the matter this day.”
Proverbs 31:25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.
1 Corinthians 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.
Psalm27:13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. 14 Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!
Psalm 34:4 I sought the LORD, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. 5 They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed.
Psalm 37:3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Psalm 103:1 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. 2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits; 3Who pardons all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases; 4Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion; 5Who satisfies your years with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
Psalm 65:11 You crown the year with Your goodness, and Your paths drip with abundance.
Psalm 108:13 Through God we will do valiantly, For it is He who shall tread down our enemies.
Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Joshua 6:2 And the LORD said to Joshua: “See! I have given Jericho into your hand, its king, and the mighty men of valor.
Ruth 3:18 Then she said, “Sit still, my daughter, until you know how the matter will turn out; for the man will not rest until he has concluded the matter this day.”
Proverbs 31:25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.
1 Corinthians 13:12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Merry Christmas
It's nearly midnight, Christmas Eve. We've opened everything but the stockings and had a great time doing so. There's just something fun about Christmas time. It's particularly more fun this year having Mimi with us, though I know we're all aware that Grandmother and Pappy are missing. We did make it to a beautiful candlelight service this year, and I was especially blessed by the man sitting a few seats down from me. His face lit up like a child's as the service was starting and I heard him telling the man sitting next to him that he'd celebrated Christmas for 43 years without ever knowing that it was all about Jesus. There was wonder in his voice as he took in the the scene of worshippers around him, and I admit there was a lump in my throat as I heard him heartily bellowing out the familiar carols throughout the service. I wish each of you a very Merry Christmas this year. I pray that your heart will find a quiet place to celebrate the Babe in the manger who came that you might have life abundant and free.
Because of Him,
Kristen
Because of Him,
Kristen
In Favor of Church and Christmas
So the big debate in our house this weekend is which church service(s) are we going to in celebration of Christmas, and what it really boils down to is how many times do we want to take time away from our football watching, pickle eating, baking, present opening, staring at each other schedules to get dressed up and presentable and drive the 10 minutes down the road to light candles and sing carols. For the record, I'm in favor of church services to celebrate Christmas, and I'm disappointed in the lack of enthusiasm I sense from my family regarding this matter. I've refrained from jumping on my soapbox about this one this year, but really?!
Friday, December 23, 2005
Movie Review
I rarely value my own opinion when it comes to movies. I freely admit that there is very little validity to my critique of anything remotely artistic. When it comes to movies or music or even works of art, I tend to say "I liked it because I liked it" and that's about as much as you'll get from me. This afternoon, my dad took mom, Mimi, and me to see "The Family Stone" and I liked it ... in a Stepmom meets The Fockers sort of way. Just thought you should know.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
The Difference a Year Can Make
A year ago, I had four living grandparents. Now, I have three.
A year ago, I would have never dreamed I'd actually get on a plane a fly to Central Asia. I did it.
A year ago, I'd been to the Wonder House once. Now, I've lived here for six months.
A year ago, Egbert and Dia had been on one date. Today, they are married.
A year ago, Dodie, Holly, Gera, Michele, and Carrie all lived in Fort Worth. Now, they are all over the country.
A year ago, I still wasn't sure about graduation. Now, I have six hours left.
A year ago, Jaclyn was just finding out she was pregnant. Now, Jaxon is nearly four months old.
A year ago, Emma was still in utero, today, she crawls and pulls up and smiles and jabbers, and has teeth, and a personality that lets us in on what she's thinking and feeling.
A year ago, I had a best friend who called daily. Today, we are strangers.
A year ago, Cody and Suzanne we're "just talking" -- now, we're planning their wedding for June.
A year ago, I had a lot of intellectual knowledge about the fear of the Lord, about God's character, His faithfulness and trustworthiness, and how big He is. Now, I have a little bit more experiential understanding of each of those things.
A year ago, I had no idea what March Madness was. This year, I filled out a bracket!
A year ago, phrases like "wait on the Lord" and "wrestle with me" meant nothing to me. Today, they make me shudder.
A year ago, I had never heard the "Thou, O Lord" song, and now, I can't get it out of my head.
A year ago, I'd never bought tires by myself or chosen my own mechanic. Now, I have the credit card bill to prove my progress.
A year ago, I didn't cry so easily. Today will be unusual if something doesn't bring a tear at least once.
A year ago, I had to watch Gilmore Girls by myself. Now, Barb tapes it for me and waits to watch it with me!
It's been a good year.
A year ago, I would have never dreamed I'd actually get on a plane a fly to Central Asia. I did it.
A year ago, I'd been to the Wonder House once. Now, I've lived here for six months.
A year ago, Egbert and Dia had been on one date. Today, they are married.
A year ago, Dodie, Holly, Gera, Michele, and Carrie all lived in Fort Worth. Now, they are all over the country.
A year ago, I still wasn't sure about graduation. Now, I have six hours left.
A year ago, Jaclyn was just finding out she was pregnant. Now, Jaxon is nearly four months old.
A year ago, Emma was still in utero, today, she crawls and pulls up and smiles and jabbers, and has teeth, and a personality that lets us in on what she's thinking and feeling.
A year ago, I had a best friend who called daily. Today, we are strangers.
A year ago, Cody and Suzanne we're "just talking" -- now, we're planning their wedding for June.
A year ago, I had a lot of intellectual knowledge about the fear of the Lord, about God's character, His faithfulness and trustworthiness, and how big He is. Now, I have a little bit more experiential understanding of each of those things.
A year ago, I had no idea what March Madness was. This year, I filled out a bracket!
A year ago, phrases like "wait on the Lord" and "wrestle with me" meant nothing to me. Today, they make me shudder.
A year ago, I had never heard the "Thou, O Lord" song, and now, I can't get it out of my head.
A year ago, I'd never bought tires by myself or chosen my own mechanic. Now, I have the credit card bill to prove my progress.
A year ago, I didn't cry so easily. Today will be unusual if something doesn't bring a tear at least once.
A year ago, I had to watch Gilmore Girls by myself. Now, Barb tapes it for me and waits to watch it with me!
It's been a good year.
Psalm 95:11 ... You have crowned the year with bounty and your paths drip with fatness.
Why I Might Want a Wedding
So, even though I know I was kind of scroogy about weddings earlier this week, having attended Dia and Egbert's beautiful Christmas ceremony last night, I'm thinking there might be some good reasons to actually have a wedding. Here are a few of them:
10. I love a good party.
9. It's important to make a commitment, witnessed by people who will hold you accountable.
8. When else are you going to have all of your family and friends in one place and be alive to enjoy it?
7. Dia really looked happy and kept saying how much fun she was having -- I like to be happy and have fun.
6. I've always wanted an excuse to put together a photograph slide show.
5. I didn't know I could have fun music like "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" -- I thought I had to only pick from songs I couldn't pronounce, had never heard, or couldn't differentiate between.
4. My bridesmaids can pick their own dresses!
3. It's a great excuse to go on vacation to some fabulous location afterwards.
2. It's a great chance go get back at all you people who've made me be in your weddings.
1. I get to be the PRINCESS and wear a tiara!
10. I love a good party.
9. It's important to make a commitment, witnessed by people who will hold you accountable.
8. When else are you going to have all of your family and friends in one place and be alive to enjoy it?
7. Dia really looked happy and kept saying how much fun she was having -- I like to be happy and have fun.
6. I've always wanted an excuse to put together a photograph slide show.
5. I didn't know I could have fun music like "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" -- I thought I had to only pick from songs I couldn't pronounce, had never heard, or couldn't differentiate between.
4. My bridesmaids can pick their own dresses!
3. It's a great excuse to go on vacation to some fabulous location afterwards.
2. It's a great chance go get back at all you people who've made me be in your weddings.
1. I get to be the PRINCESS and wear a tiara!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Why I Plan to Elope
After watching the last minute madness of the week before the wedding for the second time this year, have decided that if and when it is my turn, I should elope. Here's why:
10. No invitations to word, print, address, or mail.
9. No $500 dress to buy and wear for 3 hours then store for 20 years only to have my daughter decide it's not her style.
8. No deciding which of my amazing friends to make stand up beside me in matching dresses.
7. No torturing myself with a neverending list of miniscule details about things I couldn't care less about.
6. No pictures for my kids to make fun of later.
5. No disagreeing with my mom about proper etiquette.
4. No awkward moment of 200 of my closest friends and relatives staring at me as I walk down an aisle, rating my sense of style based on the colors, flowers, and dresses I choose.
3. Money available for other needs -- like the downpayment on a house!
2. No hours of posing for pictures that I'm going to critique to death and never want to look at anyway.
1. No having to decide whether to wear my hair up or down or have it cut before or after the wedding.
Basically, I do not like to make decisions and I really hate details, so the thought of all the stuff and stress I've seen go into the wedding planning all of my friends have done makes me think eloping is the answer. Anyone who's married want to argue with me? :-)
10. No invitations to word, print, address, or mail.
9. No $500 dress to buy and wear for 3 hours then store for 20 years only to have my daughter decide it's not her style.
8. No deciding which of my amazing friends to make stand up beside me in matching dresses.
7. No torturing myself with a neverending list of miniscule details about things I couldn't care less about.
6. No pictures for my kids to make fun of later.
5. No disagreeing with my mom about proper etiquette.
4. No awkward moment of 200 of my closest friends and relatives staring at me as I walk down an aisle, rating my sense of style based on the colors, flowers, and dresses I choose.
3. Money available for other needs -- like the downpayment on a house!
2. No hours of posing for pictures that I'm going to critique to death and never want to look at anyway.
1. No having to decide whether to wear my hair up or down or have it cut before or after the wedding.
Basically, I do not like to make decisions and I really hate details, so the thought of all the stuff and stress I've seen go into the wedding planning all of my friends have done makes me think eloping is the answer. Anyone who's married want to argue with me? :-)
Monday, December 12, 2005
Holiday Poll
I'm taking a poll ... What is your favorite Christmas song? What holiday tune could you go the rest of your life without hearing again? Which song has been overdone or overplayed this year? Friday, December 09, 2005
Some Weeks Are Just Bloggable
Some weeks are just bloggable. If you don't believe me, ask Holly.
For me, this week started last Friday afternoon. I was flying to Corpus Christi to spend time with my grandmother and speak to her church about the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering. I set my cell phone up with a reminder message to give me gate and departure information. The call came as expected, and I had a friend drop me off at Gate D11, as the phone had said -- only when I got inside the terminal, I discovered that my flight was leaving from gate B11, and I had two terminals to travel in less than 45 minutes. Thank goodness for Skylink! Of course, I would get in the security line behind a group of people traveling together, half of whom have been "randomly" selected to have their luggage checked more thoroughly.
Sunday morning, Mimi and I were doing well heading out the door to church on time when I hit the garage door button while the back hatch of her minivan was up and managed to get the door handle snagged and have the garage door and the hatch locked together. Fortunately, Mimi and I are both relatively intelligent women (obviously!) and were able to rectify the situation without damage to either door. It was a tense moment, though, while we determined if we really were trapped.
On Monday, I took two finals and received word that my precious punkin' Emma Powell was in the hospital, having vomitted every bit of nutrition she had in her body. Before going on to study for my third and final examination, I took a detour by Cook's Children's Hospital, and allowed Emma'sDaddy to entertain me with stories of what goes on after midnight in the Children's ER.
On Tuesday, I took my last final -- kicked it in the butt with cletes on, I think! -- then headed to work where I had the pleasure of conducting a recertification interview with a 63 year old woman while she sat in her bathtub. The worst part about that was that I've been doing this job so long, I didn't even remember to tell the story until this morning!
On Wednesday, winter weather started moving into the DFW area. We were told to deliver meals as quickly as possible and get home. I was safely snuggled under a quilt on the couch watching Maury Povich help hopelessly clueless women determine the paternity of their multiple children. Boredom led to web surfing and random IM chats with Bob. That evening, we had a "Happy Cold as Crap Day" party where we ate Chili and CornBread (thanks Josh!) and watched Elf. Sometime after putting on a second movie, Dia and Suzanne noticed that the house seemed to be getting colder. Could it possibly be from the cold air blowing through the vents?! Hmm...Sure enough, for the third time in two weeks our pilot light was out. The guys worked on it for a good thirty minutes before giving up, bundling up, and heading out to WalMart for space heaters while we built a pallet on Dana's floor -- the largest room in the Wonder House. While the guys were gone, Dia took a shot at the pilot light herself and managed to get some heat going. Yipee! That lasted through the night, but it was out again midmorning Thursday at which point we made a second phone call to the landlord who promised to send a friend by to look at it. Said friend confirmed that the gas pump was out and we'd have to wait for landlord to return from out of town to have it fixed/replaced. Brrrr! We bundled and layered up last night -- yes, we know we could have stayed elsewhere, but having dealt with the cold all day and knowing we had to be up and ready for work this moring, we elected to just spend another night in Dana's room. Sleeping was honestly fine, but getting ready in a 52 degree house was unbelievable! I've never seen three girls move so fast in my life! I was at work by 7:30 a.m.!
The landlord is here now, working on things. Hopefully, there will be heat soon.
Wow.
Oh, gosh, I didn't even tell you about the part where I get to work this morning only to find out that one of my clients is claiming one of our meals made him ill and he's got the evidence on his "shorts" to prove it. He tried to hand me a bag with his dirty underpants in it!
Yeah, totally bloggable ...
For me, this week started last Friday afternoon. I was flying to Corpus Christi to spend time with my grandmother and speak to her church about the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering. I set my cell phone up with a reminder message to give me gate and departure information. The call came as expected, and I had a friend drop me off at Gate D11, as the phone had said -- only when I got inside the terminal, I discovered that my flight was leaving from gate B11, and I had two terminals to travel in less than 45 minutes. Thank goodness for Skylink! Of course, I would get in the security line behind a group of people traveling together, half of whom have been "randomly" selected to have their luggage checked more thoroughly.
Sunday morning, Mimi and I were doing well heading out the door to church on time when I hit the garage door button while the back hatch of her minivan was up and managed to get the door handle snagged and have the garage door and the hatch locked together. Fortunately, Mimi and I are both relatively intelligent women (obviously!) and were able to rectify the situation without damage to either door. It was a tense moment, though, while we determined if we really were trapped.
On Monday, I took two finals and received word that my precious punkin' Emma Powell was in the hospital, having vomitted every bit of nutrition she had in her body. Before going on to study for my third and final examination, I took a detour by Cook's Children's Hospital, and allowed Emma'sDaddy to entertain me with stories of what goes on after midnight in the Children's ER.
On Tuesday, I took my last final -- kicked it in the butt with cletes on, I think! -- then headed to work where I had the pleasure of conducting a recertification interview with a 63 year old woman while she sat in her bathtub. The worst part about that was that I've been doing this job so long, I didn't even remember to tell the story until this morning!
On Wednesday, winter weather started moving into the DFW area. We were told to deliver meals as quickly as possible and get home. I was safely snuggled under a quilt on the couch watching Maury Povich help hopelessly clueless women determine the paternity of their multiple children. Boredom led to web surfing and random IM chats with Bob. That evening, we had a "Happy Cold as Crap Day" party where we ate Chili and CornBread (thanks Josh!) and watched Elf. Sometime after putting on a second movie, Dia and Suzanne noticed that the house seemed to be getting colder. Could it possibly be from the cold air blowing through the vents?! Hmm...Sure enough, for the third time in two weeks our pilot light was out. The guys worked on it for a good thirty minutes before giving up, bundling up, and heading out to WalMart for space heaters while we built a pallet on Dana's floor -- the largest room in the Wonder House. While the guys were gone, Dia took a shot at the pilot light herself and managed to get some heat going. Yipee! That lasted through the night, but it was out again midmorning Thursday at which point we made a second phone call to the landlord who promised to send a friend by to look at it. Said friend confirmed that the gas pump was out and we'd have to wait for landlord to return from out of town to have it fixed/replaced. Brrrr! We bundled and layered up last night -- yes, we know we could have stayed elsewhere, but having dealt with the cold all day and knowing we had to be up and ready for work this moring, we elected to just spend another night in Dana's room. Sleeping was honestly fine, but getting ready in a 52 degree house was unbelievable! I've never seen three girls move so fast in my life! I was at work by 7:30 a.m.!
The landlord is here now, working on things. Hopefully, there will be heat soon.
Wow.
Oh, gosh, I didn't even tell you about the part where I get to work this morning only to find out that one of my clients is claiming one of our meals made him ill and he's got the evidence on his "shorts" to prove it. He tried to hand me a bag with his dirty underpants in it!
Yeah, totally bloggable ...
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Whatsoever things are true ...
I've made a point of meditating on this part of Philippians 4:8 this week, asking God to allow me to keep in mind only the things are true, to allow truth to reign in my heart and mind about a variety of things. And, the replies came rapidly ... "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life ..." "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free ..." "Love does not rejoice in evil, but rejoices in the truth ..."
What truths are you clinging to this Christmas Season?
What truths are you clinging to this Christmas Season?
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Happy Snow Day!
The first Happy Snow Day was Spring 2003. It started with pre-8 a.m. phone calls wishing everyone a "Happy Snow Day!", lunch at Steak and Shake where Tony brought a list of random, useless facts and Rhett and Derek dressed in matching mock-turtlenecks. It ended with a girls slumber party at my house and a great round of the shuffle button game! The next "Happy Snow Day" was Valentine's Day 2004. We had a fabulous snowball fight on Sandage, followed by Cody and Jake's all you can eat pancake contest at IHOP and pictures with our waitress. Last year didn't really see a good snow day other than a few flurries right before Christmas, but most people had already left town for the holidays at that point. Today, is another edition of Happy Snow Day. After having Josh help me deliver two routes of meals to my clients, I stationed myself on the couch under lots of blankets! Dia came home shortly there after, and Dana wasn't far behind. Suz and Cody have been by and will be back, and Josh is at the store right now getting stuff for Chili and renting Elf. It's going to be a great night! :-)
Greatest TV To Watch on Happy Snow Day
10. Happy Days -- the one where Fonzie's in the army.
9. Maury Povich -- who's my baby daddy?
8. The Energy Guy -- who knew holding bananas next to your heart gave you superhuman strength?
7. Live Continuing Coverage of the Winter Weather in DFW -- how many ways can you say Baby, it's cold outside?
6. Andy Griffith -- the one where Mayberry gets fleeced.
5. Holiday Affair -- the leftover Christmas movie from the Wedgwood Public Library.
4. Simon and Simon -- enough said!
3. Spanish Soaps -- since they postponed all the English ones until after midnight.
2. Spanish Jerry Springer ... Spanish Inside Edition ... Spanish News ... you get the point.
1. And ... dunh, duhn, dunnnn ... Kirk Franklin on TBN!
9. Maury Povich -- who's my baby daddy?
8. The Energy Guy -- who knew holding bananas next to your heart gave you superhuman strength?
7. Live Continuing Coverage of the Winter Weather in DFW -- how many ways can you say Baby, it's cold outside?
6. Andy Griffith -- the one where Mayberry gets fleeced.
5. Holiday Affair -- the leftover Christmas movie from the Wedgwood Public Library.
4. Simon and Simon -- enough said!
3. Spanish Soaps -- since they postponed all the English ones until after midnight.
2. Spanish Jerry Springer ... Spanish Inside Edition ... Spanish News ... you get the point.
1. And ... dunh, duhn, dunnnn ... Kirk Franklin on TBN!
Top 10 Fun Words To Say!
10. Dastardly
9. Extremities
8. Fu Man Chu
7. Wee Little Bob
6. Glory!
5. Francisco ... that's fun to say!
4. Snarling
3. Hope
2. Clandestine
1. Mariposa!
9. Extremities
8. Fu Man Chu
7. Wee Little Bob
6. Glory!
5. Francisco ... that's fun to say!
4. Snarling
3. Hope
2. Clandestine
1. Mariposa!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
A Word from Beth
Name Calling
Scripture Reading: John 11:1-44
Today's Treasure: "Then Jesus said, 'Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?' " (John 11:40).
My name is Had. You may know me, but you may not know my new name. You may have no idea what I've been through because I do my best to look the same. I am scared to death of you. I used to be just like you. I once held my head up high without propping it on my hymnal.
I was well respected back then, and I even respected myself. I was wholeheartedly devoted to God, and if the truth be known, somewhere deep inside I was sometimes the slightest bit proud of my devotion. Then I'd repent.because I knew that was wrong. I didn't want to be wrong. Not ever.
People looked up to me. And life looked good from up there. I felt good about who I was. That was before I was Had. Strangely, I no longer remember my old name. I just remember I liked it. I liked who I was. I wish I could go back. I wish I'd just wake up. But I fear I'm wide awake. I have had a nightmare. And the nightmare was me. Had.
If I could really talk to you and you could really listen, I'd tell you I have no idea how all this happened. Honestly, I was just like you. I didn't plan to be Had. I didn't want to be had. One day I hadn't, then the next day I had.
Oh, I know now where I went wrong. I have rewound the nightmare a thousand times, stopping it right at the point where I departed the trail of good sense. The way ahead didn't look wrong. It just looked different. Strange, he didn't look like the devil in the original scene. But every time I replayed it, he dropped another piece of his masquerade. When he finally took off his mask, he was laughing at me. Nothing seems funny anymore. I will never laugh again as long as he's laughing.
If only I could go back. I would see it this time! I would walk around the trap camouflaged by the brush, and I would not be Had. I would be Proud. Was that my old name? I can't even remember who I was anymore. I thought I was Good. Not Proud. But I don't know anymore.
Would you believe I never heard the trap shut? Too many voices were shouting in my head. I just knew I got stuck somewhere unfamiliar, and soon I didn't like the scenery anymore. I wanted to go home. My ankle didn't even hurt at first. Not until the infection set in. Then I thought I would die.
I lay like a whimpering doe while the wolf howled in the darkness. I got scared. I pulled the brush over me and hid. Then I felt like I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of there or I was sure it would kill me. I didn't belong there. I refused to die there.
I pulled and pulled at the trap, but the foothold wouldn't budge. The blood gushed. I had no way out. I screamed for God. I told Him where I was and the shape I was in. He came for me.
The infection is gone. He put something on it and cleaned it up instantly. As He inspected my shattered ankle, I kept waiting for Him to say, "You deserved this, you know. You've been Had. " Because I did and I know and I have. He hasn't said it yet. I don't know whether He will or not. I don't know how much to trust Him yet. I've never known Him from this side. My leg still hurts. God says it will heal with time. But I fear I will always walk with a limp.
You see, I wrestled with the devil and he gave me a new name. Had.
All sorts of people will read this. People who want to help Had. People who want to judge Had. People who want to know how bad was Had. And people who want to know how sorry is Had. They can read it if they want, but this part is not for them. It's just for you. Had.
In case no one has said it to you yet, I sure am sorry you've been Had. It's horrible, isn't it? Devastating not to live up to your own expectation. To become such a pauper to Grace. I've been Had a time or two myself. It's been awhile, but I remember well what it was like being him.
God says He doesn't want me to forget. I asked Him why. He said too many people have been Had out there. All sorts of ways to be Had. Good and Proud think there are just a few, but if they're not careful, they may be Wrong. And someday they may even be Had. I used to wish I could be Good and Proud again, but I don't anymore. I don't want to be Good, Proud, or Had. I just want to be Healed.
God says He will never let me be so Healed that I forget about Had. There have been more Hads than Good and Proud may ever know. Sometimes it takes a Has Been to know a Had.
One thing is for sure. Had needs a lot of Help. Healed's nickname is Help. He got the name because of what he does. He can't stop. Healed Hads Help.
God wanted to make sure I never act like I haven't been Had. So He left the scars. He kept a set on His own hands and feet and left one on my ankle. That's OK. My scars bear the marks of death. Don't let anyone tell you that being Had won't kill you. It will. It was meant to. If it doesn't, you've been Had for nothing and you'll be Had again.
Christ raises the dead only after they die. Before I was Had, God kept saying, "You are not yet Dead. " So instead I was Had. Christ let Lazarus lie dead for four days, but not because He was mean. Scripture says He loved Lazarus even though He let the illness kill him. Perhaps we all need to know how it feels to be dead for awhile. But do we believe we might see the glory of God? That's what Christ told Martha she would see. When He raised Lazarus from the dead, Christ did not raise him sick. He raised him Healed. I have a suspicion that Lazarus never got to kid himself into thinking he could never get sick again. He just asked for Grace never to be Had again.
Come on, Had. Let's you and I go on a walk together. It's time for you to go home. Maybe to a part of God's home where you've never even been. I'll walk you part of the way, and we'll talk. You don't have to hang your head with me. Then again, you can if you want. You can cry, get mad, throw rocks, and kick the dirt. Been there. Just keep walking.
Adapted from When Godly People Do Ungodly Things, by Beth Moore, pages 201-205. Nashville: Broadman & Holman, 2002.
Living Proof Ministries 281.859.1375
Scripture Reading: John 11:1-44
Today's Treasure: "Then Jesus said, 'Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?' " (John 11:40).
My name is Had. You may know me, but you may not know my new name. You may have no idea what I've been through because I do my best to look the same. I am scared to death of you. I used to be just like you. I once held my head up high without propping it on my hymnal.
I was well respected back then, and I even respected myself. I was wholeheartedly devoted to God, and if the truth be known, somewhere deep inside I was sometimes the slightest bit proud of my devotion. Then I'd repent.because I knew that was wrong. I didn't want to be wrong. Not ever.
People looked up to me. And life looked good from up there. I felt good about who I was. That was before I was Had. Strangely, I no longer remember my old name. I just remember I liked it. I liked who I was. I wish I could go back. I wish I'd just wake up. But I fear I'm wide awake. I have had a nightmare. And the nightmare was me. Had.
If I could really talk to you and you could really listen, I'd tell you I have no idea how all this happened. Honestly, I was just like you. I didn't plan to be Had. I didn't want to be had. One day I hadn't, then the next day I had.
Oh, I know now where I went wrong. I have rewound the nightmare a thousand times, stopping it right at the point where I departed the trail of good sense. The way ahead didn't look wrong. It just looked different. Strange, he didn't look like the devil in the original scene. But every time I replayed it, he dropped another piece of his masquerade. When he finally took off his mask, he was laughing at me. Nothing seems funny anymore. I will never laugh again as long as he's laughing.
If only I could go back. I would see it this time! I would walk around the trap camouflaged by the brush, and I would not be Had. I would be Proud. Was that my old name? I can't even remember who I was anymore. I thought I was Good. Not Proud. But I don't know anymore.
Would you believe I never heard the trap shut? Too many voices were shouting in my head. I just knew I got stuck somewhere unfamiliar, and soon I didn't like the scenery anymore. I wanted to go home. My ankle didn't even hurt at first. Not until the infection set in. Then I thought I would die.
I lay like a whimpering doe while the wolf howled in the darkness. I got scared. I pulled the brush over me and hid. Then I felt like I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of there or I was sure it would kill me. I didn't belong there. I refused to die there.
I pulled and pulled at the trap, but the foothold wouldn't budge. The blood gushed. I had no way out. I screamed for God. I told Him where I was and the shape I was in. He came for me.
The infection is gone. He put something on it and cleaned it up instantly. As He inspected my shattered ankle, I kept waiting for Him to say, "You deserved this, you know. You've been Had. " Because I did and I know and I have. He hasn't said it yet. I don't know whether He will or not. I don't know how much to trust Him yet. I've never known Him from this side. My leg still hurts. God says it will heal with time. But I fear I will always walk with a limp.
You see, I wrestled with the devil and he gave me a new name. Had.
All sorts of people will read this. People who want to help Had. People who want to judge Had. People who want to know how bad was Had. And people who want to know how sorry is Had. They can read it if they want, but this part is not for them. It's just for you. Had.
In case no one has said it to you yet, I sure am sorry you've been Had. It's horrible, isn't it? Devastating not to live up to your own expectation. To become such a pauper to Grace. I've been Had a time or two myself. It's been awhile, but I remember well what it was like being him.
God says He doesn't want me to forget. I asked Him why. He said too many people have been Had out there. All sorts of ways to be Had. Good and Proud think there are just a few, but if they're not careful, they may be Wrong. And someday they may even be Had. I used to wish I could be Good and Proud again, but I don't anymore. I don't want to be Good, Proud, or Had. I just want to be Healed.
God says He will never let me be so Healed that I forget about Had. There have been more Hads than Good and Proud may ever know. Sometimes it takes a Has Been to know a Had.
One thing is for sure. Had needs a lot of Help. Healed's nickname is Help. He got the name because of what he does. He can't stop. Healed Hads Help.
God wanted to make sure I never act like I haven't been Had. So He left the scars. He kept a set on His own hands and feet and left one on my ankle. That's OK. My scars bear the marks of death. Don't let anyone tell you that being Had won't kill you. It will. It was meant to. If it doesn't, you've been Had for nothing and you'll be Had again.
Christ raises the dead only after they die. Before I was Had, God kept saying, "You are not yet Dead. " So instead I was Had. Christ let Lazarus lie dead for four days, but not because He was mean. Scripture says He loved Lazarus even though He let the illness kill him. Perhaps we all need to know how it feels to be dead for awhile. But do we believe we might see the glory of God? That's what Christ told Martha she would see. When He raised Lazarus from the dead, Christ did not raise him sick. He raised him Healed. I have a suspicion that Lazarus never got to kid himself into thinking he could never get sick again. He just asked for Grace never to be Had again.
Come on, Had. Let's you and I go on a walk together. It's time for you to go home. Maybe to a part of God's home where you've never even been. I'll walk you part of the way, and we'll talk. You don't have to hang your head with me. Then again, you can if you want. You can cry, get mad, throw rocks, and kick the dirt. Been there. Just keep walking.
Adapted from When Godly People Do Ungodly Things, by Beth Moore, pages 201-205. Nashville: Broadman & Holman, 2002.
Living Proof Ministries 281.859.1375
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Disturbing?
Am I the only that finds the idea of a "snack that smiles back" a little less than appealing?
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