Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Sometimes You Gotta Take a Step Back
I got sick last week. Wednesday night to be exact. I went to bed feeling queasy and woke up a number of times throughout the evening. I made it to work on Thursday morning, but I was very weak, and I went home right after lunch. I stayed home on Friday, dragged myself to Plano on Saturday, let my mama and daddy take care of me all weekend, and didn't really feel completely well until this morning. In that time, I received a number of phone calls, text messages, and emails that were not urgent and did not demand a response. Normally, I would have answered/responded anyway, just because that's who I am and how I do things. But, there was just no excess energy to do more than was absolutely necessary. Because of that, it was almost as though I got to enjoy my friendships from a distance. Instead of worrying about coming up with quick and witty responses, I got to just grin and appreciate the comedy of those who love me. Instead of casting about for something to offer people, I was able to just be -- and to realize that sometimes, that's enough. Instead of being so close, so right in the middle of my friends and the happenings of their daily lives, I got to take a step back. And, you know what I realized? I am absolutely crazy about them! I mean, 100% certifiably nuts about the zany, ecclectic group of people God lets me do life with. In fact, I was so captivated by this thought that I went back through my old emails and found one Ginger wrote nearly a year ago outlining her love for a number of her dear friends and was seriously tempted to try my own hand at such a list. However, I just don't know where to start or how to stop once I get going, so I will refrain for now. Today, it will simply have to be enough for me to tell you how blessed I feel, how my heart and mind overflow with thanksgiving for God's creativity. He knew I needed you, knows I need you, and sometimes, it's good to take a step back in order to see His wisdom in that more plainly.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
If He Can Use Me, You Better Watch Out!
I leave for Peru next week. I will be traveling with five others into the Amazonian jungle for the purpose of strengthening and encouraging the young believers there, teaching them about baptism and the Lord's Supper. I am so excited, but I've also been very nervous.
Yes, I have a degree in Spanish. Yes, I survived three months in Mexico a few years ago. Yes, I use my Spanish pretty often in my work here. But still. Me? Really? Surely, there's someone else, someone better. Surely.
I tried to explain all of this to God. I tried to tell Him that He has picked the wrong girl. I tried to help Him see and understand all the benefits of picking a better missionary. But, He just said, "Go."
So, I'm writing to warn you. If He can use me, you better watch out. I'm pretty sure He can use ANYone!
At least I'm in good company with all these doubts and fears. Check out the prophet Jeremiah's calling:
Jeremiah 1:4-10
4 The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
6 "Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."
7 But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.
9 Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. 10 See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."
Yes, I have a degree in Spanish. Yes, I survived three months in Mexico a few years ago. Yes, I use my Spanish pretty often in my work here. But still. Me? Really? Surely, there's someone else, someone better. Surely.
I tried to explain all of this to God. I tried to tell Him that He has picked the wrong girl. I tried to help Him see and understand all the benefits of picking a better missionary. But, He just said, "Go."
So, I'm writing to warn you. If He can use me, you better watch out. I'm pretty sure He can use ANYone!
At least I'm in good company with all these doubts and fears. Check out the prophet Jeremiah's calling:
Jeremiah 1:4-10
4 The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
6 "Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."
7 But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.
9 Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. 10 See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
I'm having the GIRLiest of days! My brain is exhausted from constantly having to battle the lies in my head about myself, about others and their perceptions of me, even about my future. My eyes are constantly tearing up over one thing or another. My emotions seem to magnify all of life in every way. And, my pretty new skirt got rained on this morning. It's not even 10:00 a.m., and this day is off to a very rough start. After I'd poured all of my woes out before the Lord this morning, there was only one song lyric stuck in my head.
"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,
Sweetest name I know!
Fills my every longing,
Keeps me singing as I go!"
Do you know that it's virtually impossible to stay in a funk while singing that song? Try it. Trust me. Impossible.
"The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart exults,
and with my song I shall thank Him." (Psalm 28:7)
"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,
Sweetest name I know!
Fills my every longing,
Keeps me singing as I go!"
Do you know that it's virtually impossible to stay in a funk while singing that song? Try it. Trust me. Impossible.
"The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart exults,
and with my song I shall thank Him." (Psalm 28:7)
Thursday, May 01, 2008
A Fresh Perspective from a New Translation
"Was it in anger, LORD, that you struck the rivers and parted the sea?
Were you displeased with them?
No, you were sending your chariots of salvation!"
Habakkuk 3:3-15 records the prophet's vision of God coming to rescue His people from the evil Babylonians. It's a terrifying picture of the LORD's wrath against an evil people, including phrases about pestilence and plagues, earthquakes, shattered mountains, leveled hills, raging waters, and trampled nations. Yet, right smack dab in the middle of this terrifying vision, I read verse 8 as though for the first time today.
Earlier in the book, God tells Habakkuk to watch for His answer to the evil in the world, but to understand that even if God told him what was coming, he wouldn't believe it. So, then the prophet gets a vision, sees it happening, and it's terrible. It's God, the Holy One, the Enthroned One marching across the earth and destruction seems to preceed as well as follow His every step. Then, somewhere in the middle of it, the prophet remembers the purpose of this terrifying tirade. "You were sending your chariots of salvation." In verse 13 he writes, "You went out to rescue your chosen people, to save your anointed ones."
Words are failing me today. I am not coming close to adequately conveying what I want you to get. You see, lately, whether in my own life or the lives of people very near and dear to me, there seems to be a lot of destruction. Loss. Hurt. Devastation. Pain. Grief. Brokenness. And, many many times, I have thrown my hands in the air in utter defeat and surrender, confessing that I do not get it. All I can see is the awful.
This morning, I prayed that God would help me keep my gaze fixed on Him, that I would not lose sight of His radiant countenance in the midst of all that swirls around me. I confessed that I have failed miserably at this over and over again, and that only if He helps me do I stand a chance of getting it right. I'm no prophetess, but as I read Habakkuk's vision today, it was as if the Lord spoke sweetly to my heart from Isaiah 55.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
Reading Habakkuk 3:8 and 13 in the midst of the rest of the passage today felt like unlocking the mystery of Habakkuk's confidence in the rest of the chapter. Habakkuk understood God's purpose. He believe God's ultimate plan was to rescue His people. He knew that no matter what happened, "barren fig trees, failing crops, thinning herds, etc.," God's purpose for His people would not be, could not be thwarted, and it might just be that Divine purpose was being accomplished by what appeared to be desolation.
Were you displeased with them?
No, you were sending your chariots of salvation!"
Habakkuk 3:3-15 records the prophet's vision of God coming to rescue His people from the evil Babylonians. It's a terrifying picture of the LORD's wrath against an evil people, including phrases about pestilence and plagues, earthquakes, shattered mountains, leveled hills, raging waters, and trampled nations. Yet, right smack dab in the middle of this terrifying vision, I read verse 8 as though for the first time today.
Earlier in the book, God tells Habakkuk to watch for His answer to the evil in the world, but to understand that even if God told him what was coming, he wouldn't believe it. So, then the prophet gets a vision, sees it happening, and it's terrible. It's God, the Holy One, the Enthroned One marching across the earth and destruction seems to preceed as well as follow His every step. Then, somewhere in the middle of it, the prophet remembers the purpose of this terrifying tirade. "You were sending your chariots of salvation." In verse 13 he writes, "You went out to rescue your chosen people, to save your anointed ones."
Words are failing me today. I am not coming close to adequately conveying what I want you to get. You see, lately, whether in my own life or the lives of people very near and dear to me, there seems to be a lot of destruction. Loss. Hurt. Devastation. Pain. Grief. Brokenness. And, many many times, I have thrown my hands in the air in utter defeat and surrender, confessing that I do not get it. All I can see is the awful.
This morning, I prayed that God would help me keep my gaze fixed on Him, that I would not lose sight of His radiant countenance in the midst of all that swirls around me. I confessed that I have failed miserably at this over and over again, and that only if He helps me do I stand a chance of getting it right. I'm no prophetess, but as I read Habakkuk's vision today, it was as if the Lord spoke sweetly to my heart from Isaiah 55.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
Reading Habakkuk 3:8 and 13 in the midst of the rest of the passage today felt like unlocking the mystery of Habakkuk's confidence in the rest of the chapter. Habakkuk understood God's purpose. He believe God's ultimate plan was to rescue His people. He knew that no matter what happened, "barren fig trees, failing crops, thinning herds, etc.," God's purpose for His people would not be, could not be thwarted, and it might just be that Divine purpose was being accomplished by what appeared to be desolation.
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