God Has Brought Me Laughter

Mother's Day this year was harder on me than I expected it to be.  Normally, the "stress" of Mother's Day is finding an appropriate way to honor the woman who gave me life and let me live through those teen years and became my close friend and confidante.  This year, my thoughts were a bit more inward.

At 32 and single, this was the first year I was truly tempted to grieve on Mother's Day, tempted to throw myself a pity party over the idea that Mother's Day may never be my day.  It sounds weird, I know, especially for my male readers.  Stick with me, I promise this post isn't about my ticking bio-clock.  Promise.  The thing is, I've said repeatedly over the years that I am not even sure I want to have kids. I'm a little afraid I'd be terrible at motherhood, but I guess, because of the selfish brat that I am (further proof I'd probably be a bad mom), I want the option.  I want it to be MY choice, not a choice that's made for me by the passing of years.

I didn't give in to the temptation to grieve.  I didn't wallow.  In fact, as I talked these thoughts over with a friend that Sunday night, I told her I was fairly certain that as soon as I give in and let myself have a pity party over something I'm not even sure I want and something I definitely can't control, God will step in and show me how big and how good He is by satisfying all of my desires with good things (Psalm 103:5) and make me feel ridiculous.  It would be something I'd have to laugh at myself over, and everyone else would laugh to, and say, "See?! Told you so!"

The very next morning, our Bible study lesson from Kelly Minter's No Other Gods study came from Genesis 16, the story of Sarah, and the dangers of trying to fulfill God's promises in our own folly.  In case your memory's fuzzy, Sarah's the one who didn't have kids, but God has promised her husband Abraham that he would be the father of many nations.  Sarah gets tired of waiting on God to open her aging womb, so she tells her husband to sleep with her maid Hagar. Hagar, of course, gets pregnant right away and family chaos ensues.  Sarah is every bit as unhappy and dissatisfied as before.  Then, the lesson had us look a few chapters over, in Genesis 21, God fulfills His promise to Abraham through Sarah, and she gives birth to a son, Isaac.  This was a very familiar story, and if you'd asked me, I may have even known what the name Isaac meant, but reading it on the heels of the previous evenings lament, it took on such a sweet personal significance.  Sarah named the promised baby Isaac, meaning laughter, and she said, "The Lord has brought me laughter, and all who hear it, will laugh with me."  (Genesis 21:6)

Sarah's words, recorded in ancient scripture were so similar to my own that I had to sit and just marvel.  I have no idea what God's got in store for my life. I have no idea if it includes marriage or children or a life time of serving him with all the freedom singleness offers, but I believe with everything in me that when the story is told I will laugh (probably loudly) with joyful delight over how well God fulfills His plans for my life.  He who does exceedingly, abundantly beyond all I ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20) has never failed me.

The Lord is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on high hills. Habakkuk 3:19

For you make me glad, Lord, by your deeds; I sing for joy at what your hands have done for me. 

Psalm 92:4

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 

Proverbs 31:25

Great Day's Should Be Remembered

My heart is very happy this afternoon.  These are the things I want to remember about this day:

1. Early morning. My day started unintentionally early.  I was awake long before my alarm went off.  I made a quick trip to an uncrowded grocery store, then came home, cleaned up and enjoyed an unhurried time with my Bible and a cup of coffee.  It was nothing short of delightful.

2.  Memorial Day Brunch. Everyone else plans Memorial Day bar-b-ques, but we planned a Memorial Day brunch.  It's basically an excuse to get friends together, fix an awesome mid-morning meal, and have the rest of the day left to play.  The idea seemed strange to me when I first heard it, but having experienced my first Memorial Day Brunch, I think I'm hooked.  French Toast, scrambled eggs, waffles, fruit salad, kolaches, sausage, and mimosas?  Yes, please!

3.  Pool Time.  I really love an afternoon by the water with a good book, and the company of good friends is like icing on the cake.  My apartment pool is particularly entertaining to me because about 2:00 p.m., it starts to look like a scene from MTV Spring Break.  It's a little out of control, but it's some great people watching.  I also love any setting with friends where there's opportunity for lazy, rambling conversation that may or may not lead to profound discoveries.  And, listening to the college kids beside us try to figure out Bill Clinton was impeached or not (and what exactly impeachment is) was priceless.

4.  Afternoon nap.  The best follow up to pool time is a cool shower, lots of lotion, and a few hours of free time before evening plans.  One of my favorite things is laying under a blanket while my hair's still wet and allowing myself the luxury of doing nothing for an hour or two before I finish getting dressed.

5.  Community Group.  I appreciate that the women in our Monday Night Community Group love one another and the study of God's Word so much that they didn't want to take the week off.  I love being with them, learning from them, and the privilege of speaking into their lives.

Today is, of course, Memorial Day, a day set aside to honor the memories of the men and women who've served our country's armed forces and defended our freedoms.  I am deeply moved this year by that notion, particularly at the thought of two very dear brothers and their current military service.  It's so easy as I go through my regularly scheduled life not to think about what thousands of families are sacrificing daily to provide such comfort and ease for the rest of us.  May we never forget.

Chase the Lion

"Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Grab life by the mane. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God.Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion." 

- Mark Batterson

My Latest Playlist

So, besides Baseball Fanatics, I've also got a bunch of Music Snobs in my life these days.  Erin's been working hard with me for years now to expand my musical knowledge and palette.  Steve, Jason, and Erika have joined in the fun, too, at times.  It might be a hopeless effort, but here's my current eclectic list of "Songs I Love":

Love Is You - Chrisette Michele
The First Snowflake - Boy Least Likely To
Harder Than Easy - Jack Savoretti
Everything Sad Is Coming Untrue - Jason Gray
She's Like Texas - Josh Abbott Band
When You Find Me - Joshua Radin
Incomplete and Insecure - The Avett Brothers
I've Got This Friend - The Civil Wars
Lorelai - Fleet Foxes
Towering - Seryn
You're The Reason I Come Home - Ron Pope
Marry Me - Train
Beautiful Things - Gungor
Holding My World - Kristian Stanfill
Blessings - Laura Story
LA River - HoneyHoney

What I Should(n't) Have Said

My head and heart are EXHAUSTIFIED tonight.  I've been on a roller coaster ride of thought loops ever since news broke last night that Osama Bin Laden had been killed -- finally.

One thing I know FOR SURE tonight.  It's never a good idea to break my own rules.  I have just a few rules for myself.  Every single one of them has been established to keep me from making painful mistakes, and breaking them almost always leads me directly to the pain I was attempting to avoid.  The rule I broke last night?  Using short-form social media (Twitter, Facebook Status) when emotional about a subject to attempt to succinctly communicate very complex thoughts.

I shouldn't have said anything.

If I was going to say something, it should have been timed differently ... and it should have been here, not there.

I should have led with a few disclaimers, such as:

1. I am exceedingly grateful to our military.  A lump swells in my throat at the sight of a man or woman in uniform.  Every. Single. Time.  I appreciate more than I will EVER be able to say any who has been willing to put his or her life on the line to protect my freedom.
2. I know that Osama Bin Laden deserved death.  I don't wish we'd captured him and given him a "fair" trial.  
3. I am relieved that his reign of terror is over.  I am grateful that specific threat is undone.
4. I do not begrudge the world for being elated over the achievement of a tactical military goal that will hopefully bring us another step closer to the end of a long season of war.
5. I have not confused relief or the rightful celebration of "justice" with the celebration of a soul in hell.

That being said, when I tweeted the following thought and Scripture, I was specifically troubled by Christians, especially influential leaders, who were openly mocking a soul in hell.

• "Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways & live? Ezek.18:23"
• "It seems incongruous to me that we who believe hell exists could rejoice in the death of any man who would go there."
• "Food for Thought tonight: Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, let not your heart rejoice when he stumbles."

A sample of the type of sentiment from influential church leaders to which I was responding?: 

• Now would be a good time to ask Is there a Hell? & is Bin Laden there? The answer is YES AND YES. Justice wins!!

I could quote PLENTY of others, but I'll just stop with that one.  The thoughts that kept me up last night and have weighed heavily on  my heart throughout the day:


ALL of us apart from Christ deserve death and hell (eternal separation from God). See, Ephesians 2:1-7 Hell is a horrific reality.  Because I believe in hell, I cannot rejoice in or make light of it. At all. For anyone.  I know that death is a part of life.  I know that bad guys lose and good guys win (sometimes), and we cheer when the good guys win.  I know that there are dozens of examples throughout the Old Testament where God grants victory in battle to His people, Israel, and they celebrate.  I get it.  I'm not naive or ignorant, but I am conflicted.


I just can't reconcile that the same people who argued vehemently just a few weeks ago that there is indeed a hell and it is indeed eternal punishment apart from God are now rejoicing that someone would go there.  Incongruous. 


I believe there's a hell.  I believe OBL is very likely there.  I believe that God has sovereign control in the universe, and is therefore ultimately responsible for his punishment.  I do not believe God takes any pleasure in his destruction.


Other bloggers, much more eloquent than I on the subject of reconciling these difficult ideas:


Aaron Lutz
Shaun Groves
Christopher Morgan