God Has Brought Me Laughter

Mother's Day this year was harder on me than I expected it to be.  Normally, the "stress" of Mother's Day is finding an appropriate way to honor the woman who gave me life and let me live through those teen years and became my close friend and confidante.  This year, my thoughts were a bit more inward.

At 32 and single, this was the first year I was truly tempted to grieve on Mother's Day, tempted to throw myself a pity party over the idea that Mother's Day may never be my day.  It sounds weird, I know, especially for my male readers.  Stick with me, I promise this post isn't about my ticking bio-clock.  Promise.  The thing is, I've said repeatedly over the years that I am not even sure I want to have kids. I'm a little afraid I'd be terrible at motherhood, but I guess, because of the selfish brat that I am (further proof I'd probably be a bad mom), I want the option.  I want it to be MY choice, not a choice that's made for me by the passing of years.

I didn't give in to the temptation to grieve.  I didn't wallow.  In fact, as I talked these thoughts over with a friend that Sunday night, I told her I was fairly certain that as soon as I give in and let myself have a pity party over something I'm not even sure I want and something I definitely can't control, God will step in and show me how big and how good He is by satisfying all of my desires with good things (Psalm 103:5) and make me feel ridiculous.  It would be something I'd have to laugh at myself over, and everyone else would laugh to, and say, "See?! Told you so!"

The very next morning, our Bible study lesson from Kelly Minter's No Other Gods study came from Genesis 16, the story of Sarah, and the dangers of trying to fulfill God's promises in our own folly.  In case your memory's fuzzy, Sarah's the one who didn't have kids, but God has promised her husband Abraham that he would be the father of many nations.  Sarah gets tired of waiting on God to open her aging womb, so she tells her husband to sleep with her maid Hagar. Hagar, of course, gets pregnant right away and family chaos ensues.  Sarah is every bit as unhappy and dissatisfied as before.  Then, the lesson had us look a few chapters over, in Genesis 21, God fulfills His promise to Abraham through Sarah, and she gives birth to a son, Isaac.  This was a very familiar story, and if you'd asked me, I may have even known what the name Isaac meant, but reading it on the heels of the previous evenings lament, it took on such a sweet personal significance.  Sarah named the promised baby Isaac, meaning laughter, and she said, "The Lord has brought me laughter, and all who hear it, will laugh with me."  (Genesis 21:6)

Sarah's words, recorded in ancient scripture were so similar to my own that I had to sit and just marvel.  I have no idea what God's got in store for my life. I have no idea if it includes marriage or children or a life time of serving him with all the freedom singleness offers, but I believe with everything in me that when the story is told I will laugh (probably loudly) with joyful delight over how well God fulfills His plans for my life.  He who does exceedingly, abundantly beyond all I ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20) has never failed me.

The Lord is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on high hills. Habakkuk 3:19

For you make me glad, Lord, by your deeds; I sing for joy at what your hands have done for me. 

Psalm 92:4

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 

Proverbs 31:25