Two Years Later

I woke up feeling a little funky yesterday morning.  I don't think about Commons Church or the ache of that ending in my life every day any more.  I haven't cried about it in months.  But, on occasion, the emotions of it come to the surface.

TimeHop reminded me that it was two years to the date of our last worship service there.  Two years ago, I stood in a school cafeteria, singing declarations of God's faithfulness with a stream of tears coursing down my face.  Yesterday, via TimeHop, a simple picture of our logo projected onto a screen with the caption "One more time" put a lump in my throat I worked to swallow past throughout the morning.  It was a necessary ending.  I am in a good place today.  But, yesterday, there was a melancholy funk to all my feels.

One of God's (many) graces to me out of that season is the rich relationships that were forged in the fire of a pain-filled trial.  Even though I hadn't said a word to anyone about what I was feeling, I received text messages from two of those friends, letting me know they were feeling it, too.  It helped. It helped to acknowledge that the grief was real, and that it was shared.  To remember that God walked us into, through, and out of that fire.  Together.

Then, yesterday afternoon, I was invited by our children's pastor at Center Point Church, where I've had the privilege of serving for the past 15 months, to come and visit Beach Club - an after school Bible club for elementary kids.  It was "Great Treasure Day" and they were going to be giving every child a Bible, his or her very own copy of God's Word personalized with a name and prayed over by someone in our congregation.  How could I resist?

I stood at the back of the room, just observing.  Kids running everywhere, gathering close to sing "My heart is Yours, take it all, take it all, Jesus!", wiggling and struggling to stay quiet while they listened to Ms. Janet tell them the story of 8 year old King Josiah who uncovered the great treasure of scripture in his generation, and quoting with Ms. Janet the day's verse, "I rejoice at your word as one who finds great treasure!" Psalm 119:162

At first, I was just taking it all in, but before long, my mind was transported to another school gym, just two years back.  The place our Commons Kids gathered to learn similar ways.  Two years ago, when I looked around that gym one last time, tears stinging my eyes, letting a dream die.  Two years ago when I'd never heard of Beach Club or Ms. Janet ... or Center Point Church!  Two years ago standing there when I could never have imagined standing here -- or wanting to stand here.  Two years ago I prayed, "God, my dreams are small, and I'm clinging to things you're asking me to release.  Out-dream me."  He saw what I couldn't, and He gently began to walk me here.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

“therefore I will hope in him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,

to the soul who seeks him.

 It is good that one should wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:22-26

Draw the Circle

A little over two years ago, my extended family, challenged by my cousin Steven and his wife Daisy, decided to walk through a 40 Day Prayer Challenge based on a book by Mark Batterson called "Draw the Circle."   Each of us selected some very specific things we would commit to pray about, areas in our lives in which we were asking God to move and start a revival in our own hearts.

Someone mentioned that book to me last week, and this week, with so much time on my hands (thanks Texas Snow!), I decided to dig out the prayer journal I was using through that season.  Y'all, God. Is. Faithful.

Not only has He answered the specific things I asked of Him (none in the ways I would have preferred or envisioned at the time), but He is continuing to move and to work and to answer even now.

He put a necessary end to some dreams while stirring up old passions and birthing new dreams in me.  And, as I've pursued those, He has gone far and above to out-dream me -- reminding me once again how much bigger and better His plans are than my wildest dreams.

I know I haven't blogged much lately, but I just needed to take a minute (for anyone who might stumble across this) and say how grateful I am for a God who hears and responds and seems to enjoy delighting His children with very good gifts.