"Thy Word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against thee." There are all kinds of things hidden in my heart, thankfully God's word is there, too. It's living and active, full of power, able to teach, admonish, rebuke and encourage. (Yes, I know I mixed at least two verses in that sentence.) Psalm 40 says, "I waited patiently for the Lord. He heard my cry and lifted me out of the miry clay. He put my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth that many may see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." This morning, I woke up very slowly, not entirely sure I wanted to get out of bed at all. The enemy was well ahead of me. It was as though he stood waiting beside my bed with a steaming mug full of guilt and shame, reminding me of all my failures. I didn't acknowledge him directly. It never does me much good. I did look to the Lord, though, full of questions. Why and How? Why in the world do you put up with me, Lord? How in the world do you continue letting me live, much less use me? That's when the song started. It was such an old song, sung by someone I'd written off, judged unworthy to sing such things, a "moral failure." But the song wouldn't be silenced. It was coming out of a hiding place, long forgotten in a dusty part of my memory. It was a soft humming at first, subtle. Then the lyrics came with it, and their import nearly took my breath away as I put my feet on the floor and began my morning routine. Stubborn love. It's your stubborn love that never lets go of me. Pefect love, embracing the worst in me.
It's true! It's so true. God's love has absolutely nothing to do with anything good in me. Nothing to do with anything I might have done to earn it. The bad in me far outweighs the good. The funny thing about His love, though, is that it is completely stubborn. Here's how the song goes ...
I'm caught again, your faithless friend
do you ever tire of hearing
What a fool I've been
guess I should pray what can I say
Oh, it hurts to know the hundred times I've caused you pain
Forgive me sounds so empty
when I never change
Yet you stay and say you love me still forgiving me time and time again
Chorus:
It's your stubborn love
that never lets go of me
I don't understand how you can stay
Perfect love, embracing the worst in me
How I long for your stubborn love
Funny me, just couldn't see, even long before I knew you, you were loving me
Sometimes I cry, you must cry too,
when you see the broken promises
I made to you, I keep saying that I'll tryst you, though I seldom do,
yet you stay and say you love me
still knowing someday I'll be like you
(Chorus)
It's your stubborn love that never lets go of me
I don't understand how you stay
Perfect love, embracing the worst in me
and you'll never let me go
I believe I finally know,
I can't live without, your stubborn love.
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