My Psalm of Thanksgiving

As I thought about Thanksgiving and worked on my post with a list of things I'm thankful for, I reflected on this past year.  The last 12 months have included a journey through one of the most trying seasons of my life.  The darkness and grief that enveloped me during the first part of this year was exceedingly troublesome, but the way that the Lord met me there and carried me from that place continues to be one of my greatest reasons for rejoicing and the thing I am most thankful for as I make my list this week.  Then, this morning, I read Psalm 116, and the psalmist so thoroughly captured it, I decided I'd just piggy back on his thankfulness.

Psalm 116

 ¹ I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
       he heard my cry for mercy.
I love the LORD because when I lay on the floor, spent from all my tears, begging Him to deliver me, He answered and showed me a way out, saying "walk with Me."
 ² Because he turned his ear to me,
       I will call on him as long as I live.
Because I know he hears me, I will call on him for as long as I live.
 ³ The cords of death entangled me,
       the anguish of the grave came upon me;
       I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
I thought I wanted to die, felt like I like it might actually be better;
I couldn't think straight because my heart was so full of sadness and disappointment.
 ⁴ Then I called on the name of the LORD :
       "O LORD, save me!"
Then I called on the name of the LORD, desperately begging Him to save me from myself and the darkness that filled my thoughts!
 ⁵ The LORD is gracious and righteous;
       our God is full of compassion.
The LORD gives what I do not deserve and yet He is right in all He does;
our God is full of tenderness toward those who hurt.
 ⁶ The LORD protects the simplehearted;
       when I was in great need, he saved me.
The LORD protects the sincere;
when the pit I'd crawled into was deeper than anyone else could reach, he saved me.
 ⁷ Be at rest once more, O my soul,
       for the LORD has been good to you.
My soul knows peace because the Lord is good all the time, and I can rest in His authority.
 ⁸ For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
       my eyes from tears,
       my feet from stumbling,
For you, O LORD, have delivered me from the darkest place, 
dried my tears,
steadied my feet and been "He who is able to keep you from stumbling"
 ⁹ that I may walk before the LORD
       in the land of the living.
so that I might walk before You, taking my place among your people.
 ¹⁰ I believed; therefore I said,
       "I am greatly afflicted."
I believed that You are who you say You are and that You can do what You say You can do; therefore I poured out my sorrows before you, acknowledging my need for you.
 ¹¹ And in my dismay I said,
       "All men are liars."
In that dark place, I told you how loud the liars were and how hard it was to find truth-speakers.
 ¹² How can I repay the LORD
       for all his goodness to me?
How can I show the LORD how grateful I am for His goodness toward me?
 ¹³ I will lift up the cup of salvation
       and call on the name of the LORD.
I will acknowledge my salvation and call boldly on my Savior.
 ¹⁴ I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
       in the presence of all his people.
I will live out my calling, walking obediently before the Lord, demonstrating His goodness for others to see.
 ¹⁵ Precious in the sight of the LORD
       is the death of his saints.
The Lord values the life of each of His children and none of their deaths goes ungrieved.
 ¹⁶ O LORD, truly I am your servant;
       I am your servant, the son of your maidservant;
       you have freed me from my chains.
O LORD, truly my heart desires to serve you;
I want to live to honor and exalt you, to make you famous;
for you set me free from all that entangled me, and now I can choose joyfully to live for you.
 ¹⁷ I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
       and call on the name of the LORD.
I will thank you by making an offering of the things that I love, because I love you more;
and I will continue to call on your name, trusting you to hear me and to meet all my needs.
 ¹⁸ I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
       in the presence of all his people,
I will live obediently before the Lord, keeping all my promises to Him in the covenant community of His people,
 ¹⁹ in the courts of the house of the LORD—
       in your midst, O Jerusalem.
       Praise the LORD.
I will offer public praise to the Lord and encourage others to join with me!  Praise the LORD.

Satisfied

One of the first language lessons I learned during the months I spent in Guadalajara after college came at the end of a meal.  My hostess asked if I'd like more of something, and I responded in Spanish, "No, thank you, I'm full."  She laughed, and corrected me, saying what translated as "You're not 'full' like a gas tank, you're 'satisfied.'"  I liked that.  I think that subtle difference says a lot about our cultural view of food, but that's a different blog.

Satisfied is one of my favorite words.  Close your eyes and think about it.  What does satisfaction feel like?  To have your appetite satiated?  To know at the end of a busy day that you've done well?  It's like taking a long drink of an icy beverage on a very hot day.  ahhhhhh ....

The dictionary says that "to satisfy" means "to give full contentment to."

This week, Psalm 103:1-5 has been on my mind a lot.  It's one of my favorite passages.  "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget none of His benefits ..."

He forgives.
He heals.
He redeems.
He crowns.

And, just in case that's not enough ...

He satisfies.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul!  And, all that is within me, bless His holy name!

Spark Ministry Trip

I've been back from this trip for a week now, and I still don't know what to say about it.  Spark Ministry is one of the coolest, most well-executed ministry concepts I've seen in a very long time.  A group of women come travel together to bring a retreat weekend to the residents and staff of various shelters across the country.  Words that come to mind for this experience include: Humbling. Inspiring. Challenging. Blessing.  Awe-ful.

On Saturday morning, as we gathered in the lobby of our hotel for prayer, a man in the breakfast room walked by and said, "I don't know what y'all are up to today, but I have a feeling the devil's got his hands full!"  We didn't look like much of an army, but we were definitely there to do battle, tell women the truth about who God is and who they are in Him, and proclaim victory in Jesus name.

Singer/Songwriter Holly Newton leads all of us in worship.  

I had the privilege of leading a small group through discussions after each teaching time.  We were "divalicious!"  Each of the women had a story.  They were all so receptive, sweet, and appreciative that weekend, but when we'd sit down to discussion, it always hit me like a ton of bricks to be reminded that each of them was there because something horrific had happened in her life.  Their determination to move past it and see God deliver them through it was challenging and inspiring.

Spark in the Dark is an all out blast for the residents, staff, and children as we turn out the lights and get serious about having fun!  That night, an emergency light nearly ruined our plans, until someone had the genius idea to have several of us stand on tables, holding a black cloth over the light fixture so that the fun could go on.  As I stood there, taking my turn, arm stretched over my head, aching, watching the silliness swirl around me for five full songs, I felt ridiculous.  And, then I thought, what if one of these women gets this?  What if she sees us standing up here, in pain, determined to let them have this moment with their children?  What if by some crazy supernatural miracle, God is able to let her understand this very small sacrifice for her in a way that translates the message of His Gigantic sacrifice for her?  I don't know.  Maybe.  It's how I could shrug off the soreness in my arms the next morning, at least.  ;-)

Spark does nothing halfway.  Even when we took the women offsite on Saturday, our decorations came with us to ensure the girliest, happiest, funnest retreat atmosphere possible.  This was the break table, before we covered it with every snack food imaginable!

If your name starts with the letter "K" get up and dance!  This weekend really stretched me!  I'm way more self-conscious than I generally let on, and standing up to "dance" in a room full of women is WAY beyond my comfort zone.  But, over and over again, I was called to get over myself.  It was never easy, but those women were so worth it.

Molly and Patti insisted I not miss out on the opportunity to take my first horseback ride!  I'll let you guess what the V's stand for!

I didn't even squeal!  Bud and I had a great time together!

Being the keeper of the marshmallows made me a very popular lady at the campfire that night! 

The whole gang!

Birthday Baby Shower

Some of you may remember that last year, I celebrated my 30th birthday by collecting shoes for the Christian Women's Job Corps Career Boutique.  This year, I decided on a baby shower for the Fort Worth Pregnancy Center. And, once again, I was not disappointed but blown away by the generosity of my friends!

Suzanne did a fabulous job on the cake, making sure it was a real party!

Gabi bought these baby booties with her own money and wrapped them herself!

I did not anticipate everyone wrapping their gifts, so I'd have so many pictures of me holding up baby things.  They threatened to write "Congratulations" instead of "Happy Birthday" on my facebook wall that week.  :-)

A pretty impressive stash, I thought!

My Beloved G2 group was well represented that night!

Cornerstone Grand Opening

Cornerstone Assistance Network relocated in May, but we really kicked things off earlier this month with a series of celebrations!  It was a week full of hard work and lots of fun.

Jesse and I preparing for our presentations during tours for the Board and their guests.

I'm very proud of my mediocre bulletin board skills, considering I had even less talent when I started here.

On Saturday, volunteers helped us provide a fun, carnival atmosphere to introduce ourselves to the community.

We had a live band!

And door prizes!  Gate prizes? (There was no "door" that day.)

Beautiful Lengths

Ashley challenged her readers a while back to grow their hair out for Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program.  It took me longer than I'd hoped to grow my hair out because I kept getting it trimmed, but by the first of October, I had enough!

So, I went to see my favorite hair stylist, Young ...

She made the cut for me, then gave me a short new style I am thoroughly enjoying!

Suzanne came along to be moral support and photographer, and she ended up getting a new cut for herself as well!  Young's just that good!

Wrecked and Ruined

Earlier this year, I wrote a rather dark and twisty (shout out to all my fellow Grey's watchers) post called "owned" in which I talked about feeling owned by sin that was strangling the light and life out of my days.  I talked about getting to the end of myself and meeting "the One who is able to keep you from stumbling" there.

Today, more than six months past that place, I can remember that dark night of my soul, but I can't feel it.  I no longer feel choked by the darkness that held me then.  Praise God on high!

However, today, two words came to mind over and over again.  Wrecked and Ruined.  The further I walk away from that dark place, the more blinding the light of God's love in my life grows.  It wrecks every false notion I've ever held about who He is or how His love for me works, and it ruins every plan I've ever made for myself apart from Him.

Tonight, I'll be teaching from Romans 8:28-39.  For I am absolutely convinced that absolutely nothing in this life or the life to come, neither my past nor my present nor my future, neither the best of this life or the very worst, neither angels nor demons shall ever be able to separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus my Lord. (paraphrase)

As I look at those words and contemplate how to communicate the way they fall on me with a fresh awareness of the magnitude of my Father's love, I am once again wrecked and ruined.  Tears of joy and sweet freedom fall from my eyes as this reality sinks in yet again.  Nothing I've done.  Nothing I've thought about doing.  Nothing I've failed to do.  God's love is more stubborn than I ever thought of being.  Hallelujah!

Work and Play!

One of the best things about my job is that work and play often look very similar!  

The first ever Cornerstone Olympics began with the passing of the flame through the office, complete with "I Saw the Flame" stickers!

As Czarista of the event, I felt that the blinking tiara was an appropriate touch.

Everyone was so great to jump in and participate in a variety of olympic events!

Winners of the 2009 Cornerstone Synchronized Swimming Competition

And, we ended the day by crowning the Cornerstone Thumb-Wrestling Champion 2009!  No pressure like thumb-wrestling the big boss, is there?  ;-)

Labor Day Weekend Extravaganza

Just a week after returning from Costa Rica, the Horton side of the family planned a weekend extravaganza around Steven's first home football game with PCA, Big Dave's 55th birthday, and the 2nd annual Blackland Sprint Triathlon.  These people know how to party!

Nana was a surprise guest for the weekend.  She really caught my dad off-guard.  She had so much fun surprising us that weekend, she kept offering to reenact it!  This photo is completely unstaged, though.

How often does the coach have the biggest cheering section in the stands!  Go Greek!

So, I really just included this one cause it shows you how long my hair was, and in my next post, I'm going to show you how long it isn't.  ;-)

We had a "Super Old Man" theme for Big Dave's 55th!

Aunt Susan really outdid herself providing cookies all the way from Corpus Christi for the festivities!

On Sunday, we were all able to worship together at Prestonwood, then take over one giant table for lunch.

You'd think we'd know when to call it quits, but the 2nd Annual Blackland Triathlon was Monday morning, and there was no backing out!

I kept my eye out for Aunt Debbie on the sidelines -- I was determined to smile and wave and show her how much fun I was having. :-D

This photo my dad calls, "Kristen chooses life."  I will spare you the excuses, but I gave up after the first 7.5 mile loop of the bike ride because I truly thought my choices on that day were to quit or to die.  Finishing was not in the cards!

Cooling cousin Gina off after she finished the race!  She took a lot of ribbing for that bib-number all day long!

Worn out but smiling.  :-)

Full Hearts Do Not Blog Well

It's been over two months since I last posted here. It's time we got caught up. Thinking about where to start almost makes me stop right here. But, one step at a time right? Let's see, we left off mid-August ... so, I haven't told you about my week in Costa Rica with Dodie and Jake and Hannah, yet. What a treat that was!

Since I was delivering a suitcase full of things for the Dodie and baby Abigail, I figured I'd better hide a few things in my suitcase for Hannah, too. I only had six days to win her affection!

Dodie knew that I really am not a very good tourist, and I was truly there to just let my spirit soak up some wonderful, refreshing time with my dear friends, but she couldn't resist booking a trip for us to the Butterfly Gardens!

Along with a whole greenhouse full of "mariposas" we also got to see some pretty cool monkeys.  The Glover Family monkeys led the way ...

And, we visited some breathtaking waterfalls.  I know I've said it before, but perhaps it deserves to be repeated.  When I prayed for a freshman roommate who would love Jesus and be a good friend to me, God really outdid Himself by providing Dodidra!

The Labor of Prayer

When my friend Lauren was teaching first grade, she would frequently tell me stories about a child named Wesley who was forever responding to her instructions with a scrunched up little face, barely pushing the words passed his pursed lips, beneath a tightly furrowed brow, "But, Miss Ahveckio (not exactly her name, but close), that's too haaaaard!" This was particularly hilarious when I was able to spot him the very first time I walked into her classroom, no introductions necessary. I was standing in the doorway, waiting while she lined the kids up for lunch. She looked at Wesley and asked him to tie his shoes before getting in line, and he scrunched that face up just like she'd imitated for me previously, and got about as far as, "But, Miss Ah-" before she cut him off and told him to just do it. Amazingly, he bent down and tied his shoes. I was so amused!

Today, I was thinking about prayer. I was noticing that several of my facebook friends have status lines today that request prayer for one endeavor or another. And, I was thinking about some of the things I'd like some prayer about right now. And, I was thinking about how fun it is when you pray for something and God works it out as only He can do. And, then I was thinking about how it's been a while since I experienced that. But, it's also been a while, since I really labored over something in prayer. So, then I was thinking about why that is. If I know prayer works. I believe prayer works. I've seen prayer work. Why am I not more quick to get busy with it rather than trying so many other less effective things first?

And my next thought stunned me.

Too often, I don't jump to serious prayer over a matter more quickly because it's hard. It's labor. It takes time and concentration and effort. Much like Wesley, I am called to prayer, and my first response is, "But, God, it's too haaaard!" in my whiniest voice. And, much like Lauren, the Lord says, "Do it. Just do it. Call to me and I will answer and I will show you great and mighty things which you do not know. I am He who is able to keep you from stumbling and present you blameless with great joy before His glorious majesty. I am He who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that you could ask or imagine."

Well, when you put it THAT way ...

One More :-)

Hurricane by Jimmy Needham

I have built a city here
Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I don’t want to be safe tonight

I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now
I’m only Yours now

I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee

And it’s Your eye in the storm
Watching over me
And it’s Your eye in the storm
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war
Let me be the casualty
‘Til I’m Yours alone
I am only Yours
I am Yours alone, Lord

Unashamed Love

While I'm sharing lyrics, let me go ahead and post these as well. It's called "Unashamed Love" by Ten Shekel Shirt.

You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy
I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

Of a child-like faith
And of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
And of my unashamed love

Sweet Morning Light

I jotted down a line from one of the songs we sang during The Leadership Summit last week, and I finally got around to tracking it down. It's called "Sweet Morning Light" and is coupled with "This Pathway" by Greg Ferguson.

I will trust
Through the darkest night
What I knew to be true
When I last saw daylight

Moved by faith
And not by sight
Till at last I see
What you promised me
On the distant horizon
At the first sight of sweet morning light

Lord, this pathway
May not be easy
But it’s where I’m meant to be
In your presence You will keep me
As my mind is stayed on Thee

I will follow through the canyons
Over mountains
Across the seas
You will find me
In your footsteps
Till at last I’m home and free

Lord, don’t let me
Be dissuaded
From Your holy work in me
Till I reach your destination
And I’m finally home and free

#tls09 ... Wess Stafford: Leveraging Your Past

Whew. Wess Stafford was by far the most difficult talk to listen to, but one of the richest hours of the conference. Wess is the president of Compassion International, but his talk was about his own painful history of childhood abuse and how he's allowed the Lord to take his pain and turn it into a passion for freeing children from poverty in the name of Jesus Christ.

Stafford calls his testimony, "a story God redeemed and leveraged for good." He stands, telling his painful tell, and states, "by God's grace I am still usable in His Kingdom ... God has crafted each of us with a story of brokenness to redeem for His glory."

Then he asks the questions, "What's your cause? Does it move you to tears? What is it that moves you passionately?" As someone who truly doesn't cry easily -- I know you don't believe this about me, but it's true -- this was tough for me. "Don't live without a passion that draws you to tears -- don't lead like that."

As someone who's currently working on a new Bible Study series about the glories of being "in Christ" I thrilled when Stafford said, "We have worth because of Who gives us worth." Amen!

In addressing the issue of forgiveness for those dealing with a painful past, Stafford says, "you may not forget what you have forgiven, but you will never forget what you cannot forgive." He goes on to say that unforgiveness is the primary avenue satan uses to gain access to believers' lives. Stafford says forgiveness is giving up your right to revenge.

Speaking about allowing God to redeem a painful or destructive past, Stafford said, "Sometimes we limit the definition of the word redemption. Sometimes we are not expansive enough to know what else He can redeem."

And, finally, my favorite quote of the entire two days ...

"My prayer is that as Jesus wipes the tears from my eyes, He'll also have to wipe the sweat from my brow because I worked until I was wonderfully interrupted by His trumpet call."

#tls09 ... Dave Gibbons: Thinking Forward

The point during Dave Gibbons talk that I first really sat up to listen was just a couple minutes in when he said, "The world stops and pays attention when it sees us loving someone who is unforgivable to us." I'm always looking for ways to measure whether or not I'm truly living a set apart life, and I love being challenged to think about how the church, too, should function in a way that forces us to think radically, biblically. Gibbons points out that "normal" is when likes attract. People who have everything in common are drawn to one another and ready and willing to help one another. But, Gibbons says, the church is called to be abnormal, we are called to a painful adaptation, to a "mindset and will to love and serve in any culture," especially those that are difficult for us.

Gibbons went on to challenge our "metrics," the way we measure life and success. Our natural inclination is to view success on a graph as "up and to the right." But, Gibbons says, life rarely works that way. Most of us experience set backs and challenges, but we should not consider those failures because he says, "Your pain is your platform to humanity." "Most of the world doesn't understand success, but they do understand suffering."

Gibbons then challenges the way we view people around us. In his opinion the most important thing about a person is their story. His most oft quoted statement of the day was "relationship trumps vision," meaning it's much more important to develop relationships with people and be committed to people rather than to a grand vision without relationships. And, he points out, "you can't have a great vision without a great relationship with God."

Gibbons closed by offering four acts of obedience to help us become more "abnormal."

1. Deeper collaboration. Work together, listen better to each other, receive input from many sources, including those on the fringe.
2. Communal living. Do life deeply with those around you. Live close to others and maintain an open life out of which you minister to those closest to you, starting in your home and moving to your neighborhood and beyond.
3. Prayer. Believe in the power of the Holy Spirit.
4. Radical Sacrifice for the outsider. Offer up the things that cost you something to give and to serve.

#tls09 ... Andrew Rugasira: Aid vs. Trade

I confess, I have never ever had any desire whatsoever to go to Africa. (To be fair, I've rarely had any desire to go anywhere they don't speak English or Spanish.) It's just never been on my radar, and it's not because I haven't known plenty of people with a heart for the African continent who've gone and returned with magnificent stories. I've prayed for many of them, rejoiced with them, but never felt particularly drawn.

On Friday morning, Andrew Rugasira took the stage. He is a Ugandan man with a heart and passion for his people with a fresh perspective and a challenge for Americans. He is also the founder of Good African Coffee. His first question was "What comes to mind when you hear the word Africa?" He then gave us a few moments to settle on some images. Then, he spent the next 30 minutes challenging that image.

He says that we've heard it said many times that most Africans survive on less than $1/day, and we think "how poor!" But, then he says, "What entrepreneurship is takes to survive on a dollar a day, no?!" Rugasira defines integrity as being truthful about what you need to od oot get out of a situation. He is a proponent of finding ways to help Africans help themselves -- trade, not aid. He asks, "there is no country that has developed through handouts -- why is Africa different?"

Rugasira challenges us to look at Africa and see opportunities rather than problems, to change the dialogue of our conversations about Africa, and to ask ourselves, "what is the impact of our compassion?" He challenges us to see Africa as a country of consumers, innovators, and entrepreneurs.

I can never come close to describing Rugasira or his talk nearly well enough, but I loved how it got me to thinking and challenged the way that I see poverty in general. It was a wonderful follow up to an interview earlier in the conference with Jessica Jackley, founder of www.kiva.org.

#tls09 ... Harvey Carey: Against All Odds

Unfortunately, my notes from this session are a little all over the place. It was one of my favorite sessions, but I was having a difficult time getting it all down in an easily communicable way.
Harvey Carey is pastor at Citadel of Faith Community Church in Detroit, MI. A number of years ago, he felt God's call to move from a good-paying position at a large church in Chicago to start a new work in the poorest zip code in America.
I had several "take aways" from his message.

1. We are not called to huddle; we are called to play the game. Carey said this while discussing the way that Citadel uses Sunday mornings for mobilization. His analogy is that of paying good money to go to a football game. Standing and cheering as the team enters the stadium and huddles on the sidelines in preparation for the game. However, five minutes go by, then 10, fifteen, and then thirty. Finally, after an hour, the team yells, "break!" and they all trot back into the locker room. They didn't do what they were supposed to do. They didn't accomplish what they'd trained all week to accomplish. They never played the game! Christians are really good at huddling, but there comes a time when we must get out and play the game -- do the thing -- be the church.

2. One of the more humorous but challenging anecdotes Carey shared was about something his church calls "urban camping." Rather than planning men's campouts into the woods, they take their tents and their lanterns and their chairs and their s'mores and "camp out" next to the worst crack house they can find. They sit around and roast marshmallows and sing praise songs, and one by one, they've shut down 8 different crack houses in their city!

3. Finally, Carey asks the question, "When do we take the Bible and make the promises of God real?" And his answer? "We don't experience the fulness of God's Word because we don't create context (opportunities) for the text to work." This was powerful to me. Perhaps I don't see God at work more often around me because I work so hard at living safe rather than living obediently.

#tls09 ... Tim Keller: Leading People to the Prodigal God

I picked up Tim Keller's book "Prodigal God" a few months ago after a friend recommended it to me. I read the first few chapters one weekend, found the premise fascinating, then went back to work and forgot about it. Now, I can hardly wait to pick it up again.
Before I go any further for those of you unfamiliar with this book, wondering how in the world one might rightly attribute the adjective prodigal to God, I should tell you that the definition of "prodigal" is "recklessly extravagant." Keller says that most of us assume the target audience of the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15 is sinners who will most identify with the younger brother. His proposition is that the real target audience was the Pharisees, the very "good", who would most identify with the elder brother. And, the main point of the story is that both younger brothers and elder brothers are alienated from the father's heart. At the end of the story, it is the bad boy younger brother who is saved, but the "good" elder brother is left outside because of his "goodness." He missed the party.
Keller says Pharisaical religion obeys to be accepted, but the gospel is for people who understand they are accepted and therefore obey. Elder brothers obey God to get things. God is a means to an end.
Keller offers a few ways to recognize "elder brothers." First, an elder brother gets furious when life doesn't go their way. They believe God owes them. Second, elder brothers can't handle criticism because their self-image is not rooted in Christ; it's rooted in their own "goodness." Third, elder brothers pray petionary prayers, rarely simply enjoy God, and have little intimacy with Him. Fourth, elder brothers constantly loathe others who don't measure up to their standards. Fifth, elder brothers can't forgive. Keller says, "you can't stay angry and bitter at someone unless you feel superior to them."
So, what do we do when we recognize the elder brother in our our lives? Keller says we must find a new level of repentance and rejoicing. We must glory in our salvation and the grace that afforded it to us rather than thinking that we're doing God some kind of favor by obeying Him. "The secret to spiritual renewal is not repenting from your wrongdoing, but repenting from your real reasons for right doing."

A quote from this session I hope I don't soon forget:

"The only reason we can be clothed in the father's robe is because Jesus was stripped naked on the cross." Keller says that Jesus is the true elder brother, the One willing to go to any length to bring us back into the Father's house. In the parable, the younger son had taken and squandered his inheritance. The only way the father could welcome him back was by taking from the elder brother. Jesus willingly paid the price for us to be welcomed back into right relationship with God.

#tls09 ... Gary Hamel: Manage Differently NOW

During the second session yesterday morning, Gary Hamel challenged the way we think about church leadership in our rapidly changing world. His first question was, "Are you changing as fast as the world around you? Are you part of the vanguard or the old guard?" He discussed data that shows an increasingly negative cultural perception of Christians, particularly "born again" and "evangelical" Christians. He states his fear that "Church today has become a weekly convocation for the converted and content," and that we are "losing market-share due to apathy and antipathy."

Then, just about the time his talk was starting to feel depressing, he says, "Maybe we should be grateful that so many people are no longer willing to just go through the motions." In other words, it's not necessarily a bad thing that "cultural Christianity" is dying off and fewer and fewer people are willing to play church. This got my attention.

He then went on to describe the pace of change as hypercritical and exponential, observing that the future is less and less an extrapolation of the past. Then he said, "the world is becoming more turbulent faster than organizations are becoming more resilient." Our visions became strategies that became policies that turned into procedures which became habits. He says this is why "success is a self-correcting phenomenon." ;-) Hamel says, "Coming up with a vision is not the difficult thing, reinventing that vision from the root and branch is." WE HAVE TO CHANGE THE WAY WE CHANGE.

As if I wasn't already busy working through that, he began giving "points" after this!

1. Overcome the temptation to take refuge in denial. He says, "we miss the future, not because it's unknowable but because it's unpalatable." Dang! That one stuck somewhere deep in me. How often do we refuse to prepare for the future because we don't like what we see coming? How ridiculous does that sound when we really examine it?! Hamel says, "Face the facts. Question your beliefs about practices. Listen to the renegades and dissidents."

2. Generate more strategic options. "The job of every leader is to make sure change sounds more fun that staying put." I smiled when I heard this one. Cornerstone is lead by someone like this. Mike never uses the word "challenge" or "obstacle" but "opportunity." Hamel says those truly committed to effective change must develop a process that is open and participative.

3. Deconstruct what you already believe. Ask yourself, "What hasn't changed in the last 3-4-5 years? Why?" If the answer isn't because it's still the best practice, then do something about it. The quote of the day may have been "The longer you're down in the trenchese, the easier it is to mistake the edge of your rut for the horizon!"

In his closing remarks, Hamel asks the question, "How unconventional does God expect you to be?" Again. Dang! If I'm to become more like Him, then I have to guess I'm to be pretty radically unconventional. Hamel challenges, "Are you more committed to redemption and renewal than to practices/policies of your church?" Of course I want to say, "well, duh," but then I examine my own life and how easily flustered I am by changes ... :-/ The last note I made on this session was something Hamel pointed out. "The early church was spiritually powerful, but institutionally weak." I'll be working over that one and what it means for me today for a while to come.

#tls09 ... Bill Hybels: Leading in a New Reality

It's time again for Willowcreek's annual Leadership Summit. I had almost forgotten how this conference made my head spin last year, but I remember now. Trust me, I remember now.

Hybels began by describing our current economic/cultural situation as a "rogue wave" -- unexpected, unpredicted, inexplicable. Five minutes into the day, my head was swimming with the idea that "leaders are energized by uncharted waters, recognizing opportunity for creativity, hearing the affirming whisper of the Holy Spirit that they were called and gifted for just such a time." He says, "rogue waves draw things out of us that calm seas never will."

Hybels offers four lessons from his own experiences leading through the last year:

1. Be the church to one another no matter what. Follow the Acts 2 model. The church is still God's plan to offer hope to the world. Offer people serious church. Nobody's coming to church looking for a mild dose of God.

2. In Kingdom Economics, the math makes no sense. Revenues are down, and needs are up, but people will still give generously and sacrificially to a white hot kingdom vision.

3. God does great things through people who are fully surrendered to Him. (2 Chronicles 16:9) Are we attracting and hiring fully yielded followers? Are we mentoring people toward this? Are we talking with people who seem to be losing this passion?

4. Live a sustainable life. Have an adequate replenishment strategy. Hybels admits to writing in his own journal 20 years ago, "The pace at which I'm doing the work of God is destroying God's work in me." The best thing you bring to the table everyday is a full bucket. He offers two strategies for this. First, have a planned negligence strategy -- say "no" more often. Second, reorder relationships. Who replenishes your bucket? Who depletes it?

This was just session one, and I was already thinking I could chew on the information for a week!

What's the Point?

"A man's greatest care should be for that place where he dwells longest; therefore eternity should be his scope."
~ Thomas Manton

I have to admit that one of my most oft asked questions in life is "What's the point?" It's the reason I frequently leave my bed unmade. What's the point? I'm just going to get back in it. It's the reason I rarely pay to have my car washed. What's the point? It's just going to rain again. It's the reason I rarely put makeup on when I'm home for the day. What's the point? I'm just going to have to wash it off. It's also the reason I nearly failed a leadership class with a syllabus full of busy work during my graduate studies. I had better things to do with my time - like skip class and strengthen the bonds of my friendship with Holly by watching Gilmore Girls. Laugh. You should. It's funny. But, it's also true. My friendship with Holly and the laughter we shared over that silly tv show brought me infinitely more joy than sitting in a class that rarely challenged me or provided me with any meaningful information. "What's the point?" is the reason I maintained a steady B+ average throughout school -- all 20 years of it! My mom always wondered what I could have done if I'd applied myself. I was too afraid of the fun and friends I might miss out on if I actually bothered to study very hard. Different priorities -- different "points." ;-)

Lately, I've been hearing a more serious "what's the point?" It comes in the midst of practicing any discipline. When the alarm goes off an hour early for a run ... when a friend calls with a juicy bit of gossip and I know I need to quell the conversation ... when that still small voice inside says it's time to turn the tv off in favor of a more constructive/edifying activity ... when the same voice calls me to assume a physical posture of prayer to reflect my spiritual condition ... when I resist the urge to give in just one more time to any number of temptations. What's the point?

While I'm sure that attitude has been buried in my heart for a long, long time, it's only recently surfaced in my conscious thoughts. And, last week, as I paused to weigh the consequences and rewards of sin and obedience, I heard it again. Only, that time, there was an answer, loud and clear. Holiness is the point. "I have been crucified with Christ, therefore I no longer live, but Christ lives in me, and the life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20.

It was one of those rare moments of extreme clarity. The point, the goal is Jesus - more of Him and less of me. Yes, of course, I knew that. I knew it in my head, probably could have even articulated it more eloquently than I am right now. But, I still didn't get it. It wasn't changing the way I live. You know, like finding out I might have to repeat that leadership class if I didn't start showing up changed my Gilmore Girls watching pattern. These last few days have been like finally figuring out how to turn on the flashlight I've been carrying in my purse forever. Colossians 3:17 says, "Whatever you do in word or in deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." I finally understand that the point, the goal, of all of my life, every decision I make -- when I rise, what I eat, what I read, how I work, what I say, what I don't say, how I play -- is always holiness, Christlikeness, an effort to proclaim the glory of God, to declare that I have a living hope, a secure future.

What's the point? The point is that life is short and the only things I get to take with me are the treasures I've stored up for myself in heaven above.

Peters says it this way, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

Twenty Four and Counting

I almost skipped my quiet time with God this morning. I hit snooze a few too many times, causing me to start my run a bit late, but had such a great run, I decided to go a little longer than usual, putting me that much further behind getting ready for the day. I can't say exactly what prompted me to go ahead and sit down in my favorite chair, pull out my Bible, journal, and current study, but as I turned to a fresh blank page in my journal and began my entry by recording the date, I was so thankful I'd taken the time. Today is Monday, July 13, 2009.

Last night I received an email from a precious friend stating that she and her husband are rejoicing with the angels for Jesus had called their granddaughter's name, and she said "Yes!" I like that because twenty four years ago today, Jesus called my name, and I said "Yes!"

Sometimes, I hesitate to write posts like this one because I'm afraid it'll sound more cheesy than truly express the depth of genuine awe, wonder, and pure joy that floods my heart when I think about it. Should I just keep it to myself? Have a private celebration just between me and Jesus? Certainly, there's an element of that. There are things I whispered to the Lord from my favorite chair this morning that are for His ears alone, and the tender way that He responds through His magnificent Word is not even something I could truly tell you about if I tried with all my best words.

But, just like a regular birthday often warrants a quiet family celebration as well as a larger, more public outright party, I think this day deserves at least a public blog mention.

I've been thinking about the significance of twenty four years. Does my life look like that of a 24 year old believer should? The longer I walk with Jesus the more I realize what a beautiful metaphor exists between the physical life and the spiritual. I think that anyone walking closely with me at this time in my life would say that I very much look like a twenty four year old. There are moments of true maturity, responsiblity, and evidence of the capability to accomplish significant things in service to my King. However, there are also some serious lapses in judgement, times when I seem to slip backwards, preferring to lean more heavily on family and shun true personal responsibility, times when I act more like a young teenager than a fully grown woman.

Twenty four years sounds like a long time, and it has been. I have so many things to celebrate today. I think the greatest thing about celebrating twenty four years of life in Christ is knowing that it's still just the beginning. The words from Amazing Grace ring in my ears as I reach for words to tell you what I'm thinking right now. "When we've been there 10,000 years, bright shining as the sun, we've no less days to sing God's praise than when we've first begun." Eternity, that's what I have to look forward to with my sweet Savior.

I Corinthians 13:11-12 ... When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a (wo)man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Jesus Wants to Get Involved

I have a frequent conversation with the Lord. It happens just about every time I come in contact with an overly needy person, often one of my clients. There are a number of things that I am more than happy to be helpful about, but then the conversation or the list of needs will bump into one of my carefully placed personal boundaries. It's usually something that leads me beyond my comfort zone, takes more time and energy than I've alloted for a given day or person, and is likely to get a little "messy" either physically or emotionally.

My preference is to avoid such things, I find myself saying, "I just don't want to get involved." And, that'd be just fine if I didn't serve a living God whose Spirit dwells in me. You see, He's never content to sit on the sidelines, and I'm not sure He believes in "boundaries." More often than not, He is the compelling voice prompting from deep within, sometimes chomping at the proverbial bit, saying, "BUT, I want to get involved, and you're my chosen vessel."

You see, Galatians 2:20 says, "I am crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me, and the life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me." If the God who didn't stop short of sacrificing Himself for me wants to use me to get involved in somebody else's situation, who am I to complain? It's never simple, and it's often messy, but it's always a blessing when He takes over.

Ought Not Be

"Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." James 3:10

I've known that verse since I was a child. But, when I was a child I didn't curse, ever. It never occurred to me to curse. Sure, I developed all kinds of pseudo-swear words and other careless ways of speaking for which I am still repenting. But, this particular verse never really bothered me back then.

On Monday, I began a new training schedule for an upcoming triathlon. I got up much earlier than usual, sweat profusely, telling the Lord how thankful I was for the health that allowed me to experience such pain. I cleaned up, dressed, and headed to work. The cd in my car was a mix of praise songs elaborating on the greatness of the Lord and the wonder of His love for His children. I was singing at the top of my lungs, reminding myself to keep my eyes open and my hands on the wheel, thinking about what a glorious week was ahead of me. About two minutes from my destination, at the height of my personal praise fest, a truck pulling an extra long trailer pulls up in the lane to my right and proceeds to push his way into my lane, nearly causing a wreck.

Without even a second's hesitation, ever foul and angry thought I'd ever had in my car came rushing to the surface, and a few of them escaped my mouth. I was angry.

As the truck/trailer sped on ahead of me, and I approached my exit, I looked up in the rear view mirror and noticed that one of my sweet coworkers was following me. And quickly, I saw the last two minutes in a whole other light. I could picture myself behind the wheel, mouth wide open, but this time, there were literally two incongruous streams of words spouting forth, and immediately I thought, "This ought not be."

"Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11

Brother Hugs

This week has been one for the record books. I will not soon forget it. An incident with a client rocked my happy little world and nearly lead to the filing of a police report. What is comical now that all has been resolved was terrifying for about 72 hours.

I am blessed to work with some wonderfully godly men and women who helped me find my way through the whole mess on a professional level, but so many times each day I found myself just wishing for a good, strong hug from one of my Christian brothers. Unfortunately, most of the ones I have counted on for such things in the past were unavailable this week, either having moved away or being out of town on business. On Wednesday night, I asked some godly women in my life to pray that God would strengthen me to do whatever was going to be required of me and that He would comfort me, even as I longed for someone with "skin on" to reinforce the message.

All day Thursday the Lord provided such incredible peace. He brought verses to mind that helped me remember that the battle was for Him to fight and I needed only to rest in Him. And, sure enough, when the resolution came, it was in a way I'd have never imagined. It was swift, decisive, and even provided some very welcome humor.

This morning, as I woke, came to work, and went about my tasks, the weight I'd been shouldering all week was gone, and I reveled in a refreshed sense of joy in my work, quickly putting all the drama behind me.
Then, about mid-morning, I received a very unexpected phone call from JJ, one of those brothers I was missing this week as he had been out of town on business. He was running some errands and realized he was near my new office and wanted to come by. By the time I returned the call to tell him to "come on over!" he was already in our parking lot. He came in, greeted me with a warm hug, and visited for a few minutes. I gave him the tour, walked him back to the parking lot, hugged him goodbye and went back to my desk. It was only after I sat down, thinking about what a pleasant surprise it was to see him today, for the first time in a couple of months, that I realized God really had heard my request for a brother-hug and sent one just as soon as He could. JJ's plane landed last night, and here he was in my office before noon this morning. How sweet of God to punctuate His love by sending a hug from someone with "skin on!"


Luke 12:6 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7 Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

On Mother's Day

In our family, my dad is the sentimental one, famous for stepping back from a gathering of family or friends and stating thoughtfully, "it'll never be exactly like this again." This morning at the breakfast table, he tried to suggest that we take turns sharing things we learned from our mothers, mine sitting right next to me. Mama and I both groaned and refused to play the game, but I've been thinking about it all day long.
My mom and I are very different people. My mom is shy, never ever one to be the center of attention. She turns clammy and trembles at the mention of having to speak in public. My mom is proper, in dress, in speech, in decorum. She works hard not to stand out. My mom never breaks the rules, and she rarely bends them. She is punctual, does everything that is expected of her, never lies, and always follows directions to the letter. My mom is extremely observant, rarely forgetting a face, catching every detail. My mom is obedient, even her mother will tell you she was a perfect child. My mom is practical. She doesn't like flowers because they cost too much and die too soon. She doesn't waste time or money or energy or words. My mom doesn't complain.
I, on the other hand ... well, you know. I mean, I blog because I have so many words all the time. I buy myself fresh flowers when it strikes my fancy. My mother would tell you I was the definition of a strong-willed child, difficult at every turn. I'm terrible with faces and only slightly better with names, and I miss the most obvious details. I push the proverbial envelope at every turn, often just to get a rise out of others, usually her. I love bright colors, and I am happiest when speaking to an audience. We are very different people.
As I was growing up, these differences were difficult for both of us. As I matured, moved out of the house, made my way through college, and headed into graduate school, we seemed to find more common ground, or at least brokered a general peace. I grew to appreciate who she was as a woman and began to understand how much I could benefit from her softer, gentler ways.
Lately, more often than not, I look in the mirror first thing in the morning and feel as though I am saying hello to her. While we may not be much alike in personality, the similarities in our appearance are undeniable. And, with each passing year, I realize that while she will always be my mom - older, wiser, more aware of the pitfalls ahead of me than I can imagine, more concerned with my welfare than I'll ever understand - she's also my friend. I love being in her home, relishing her hospitality. I love calling her in the middle of the day to tell her something outrageous, then hanging up and imagining her sitting at her desk shaking her head at me. I love to shop with her, learning to appreciate her eye for fashion and enjoying challenging her conservative choices in accessories. I love to plan meals with her. She has so much to teach me! I love to introduce her to new music, movies, and technology.
I am thankful that she taught me that my feet, my face, and my hair are worth spending money to take care of. I am thankful that she taught me that presentation matters when it comes to hospitality. I am thankful that she taught me to appreciate Christian music and sound Bible teaching while we worked around the house or ran errands on Saturdays. I am thankful that she never let me get away with dusting around the picture frames, but made sure I picked each one up. I am thankful that she stayed after me to learn better penmanship. I am thankful she encouraged and nurtured my love for reading. I am thankful she forgave me and was doggedly determined to love me through my most unlovable years. I am thankful she worked harder than she had to, so that I could experience so much of life. And, most of all, Mama, I am so thankful that you always turned the mixer off BEFORE you handed me the beaters! ;-)

In Him

Two little words are pounding in my heart and mind today. In Him.

...He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him ... in Him, my heart trusts and I am helped ... I will hope in Him ...whoever believes in Him may have eternal life ... whoever abides in Him bears much fruit ... whoever believes in Him receives forgiveness through His name ... in Him we live and move and have our being ... whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame ... in every way you were enriched in Him, in all speech and knowledge ... for all the promises of God find their "yes" in Him ... And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together ... For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell ...

I could go on and on and on!

Here's what's gripped me today. In Christ, I lack nothing. I want for nothing. But, I go around day after day, living like an incomplete person, pretending as though other things can fill me. Far too often, I live a powerless life. I wring my hands anxiously, needlessly. I've ignored who (and Whose) I really am. "In Christ, the fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have been filled in Him who is the head of all rule and authority." (Colossians 2:9-10) What?! The fullness of deity dwells in Christ, and Christ dwells in me.

Shield! Refuge! Hope! Salvation! Redemption! Eternal Life! Forgiveness! Chosen! Inheritance!

In Him.

Early on in my CWJC career, another site coordinator talked with me about operating out of a place of peace, reminding me that our clients operate in constant panic and chaos, but it is our joy to demonstrate peace for them through Christ. This lesson can be carried out in every aspect of life in Him. While the world around us operates blindly, anxiously, hopelessly, it is our joy to introduce them to light, life, peace, hope, and power ... in Him.

I cannot even come up with a metaphor to describe the futility of squandering or denying such a vast heritage such a wealth of power at work in me. I fear that it might be like holding a sack full of bread while watching others starve or perhaps, holding a water hose yet refusing to turn on the spigot while the neighbors' house burns. It's a terrible, tragic, heartless atrocity we commit when we fail to live in Him. We are not the only ones who suffer when we choose to deny our rightful inheritance in Christ.