I had lunch with Uncle Butch today. Yes, the same Uncle Butch we all thought might not live past May. He's alive and kicking, and as entertaining as ever. I will warn you up front that the quotes posted below do not reflect the views of the blogger, I'm only repeating what I heard over lunch today. If you're easily offended, I recommend you skip this post. Seriously.
#10. "I'm just like my sister." (If you know my mom, you know why this is funny.)
#9. B: When I go to a church and hear the preacher lyin' from the pulpit, I call him on it.
Me: When's the last time you went to church?
B: It's been a while.
#8. Me: I thought you weren't supposed to have any more red meat this week.
B: Yeah, but these are fajitas, they're already cut up.
#7. "I figure God left me here cause there's still about 5 billion people in the world I haven't pissed off yet."
#6. "I can't stand those damn homosexuals. I mean, I know my name's Butch, but ..."
#5. "If I put a bullet in my head every time I lost a job, I'd be a damn collander!"
#4. B: What's the word for me? You know, my peculiarities?
Me: Quirks?
B (not sounding satisfied): yeah ...
Me: Idiosyncrasies!
B: Yes! That's a great one! I like that one. That's a lot more syllables than the what people usually call me.
Me: Oh yeah? What's that?
B: Jack ass.
#3. "The doctors say I'm terminal. I told them, who isn't?"
#2. Me: Butch, when's the last time you cared what someone else thought?
B: Hmm, it's been a while. Maybe when I was 2?
#1. Me: Well, everyone knows what you're against, but what are you for?
B: I'm for making people think!
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