You Don't Grow Weary

Today, I am in awe of how God continues to make the most familiar things new.

Last night, I was in the middle of a worship service, singing a very familiar song about strength arising when we wait upon the Lord, when I was suddenly completely taken with the line that says, "You do not faint; you won't grow weary."

You know what kills a relationship faster than anything for me?  Weariness.  I am not a patient or long-suffering person, and I am easily wearied by others needing something from me.  (What's particularly crazy about that is how much I like to feel needed in the beginning - something to analyze at another time!)  This is not something I am proud of or pleased with, but it is true. And, because it's true of me, I am very guilty of assuming it is true for everyone else, including God.

You see, I'm a great projector.  I am quick to magnify and project whatever I'm thinking or feeling, particularly about myself, onto those around me.  So, when I'm weary of others, -- or worse yet, when I'm weary of myself -- it is so easy for me to assume that everyone else, especially God who sees and knows ALL is weary of me and my junk, too.

And, logically, when I've determined that someone is weary of me, I seek to remedy that by pulling away from them, making myself scarce for a time, giving them the space they haven't asked for.  :-/

So, having been frustrated with my own shortcomings lately, I've been giving God some space from me, offering Him a break from my incessant neediness of Him. No, He didn't ask for that space, but I figured I'd give it to Him anyway.

Then, last night, I sang those words in an auditorium full of worshiping women.  "You do not faint/ You won't grow weary."  Sheesh!  It was as if I was hearing it for the very first time.  Clear as day, something deep in my spirit spoke up, affirming that lyric:

Do you not know?
       Have you not heard?
       The LORD is the everlasting God,
       the Creator of the ends of the earth.
       He will not grow tired or weary, 
       and his understanding no one can fathom.

Isaiah 40:28

I sunk down in my seat, grabbed a pen, and jotted down the following thoughts:

You do not grow weary.

 - not weary of me.

 - not weary of my needs.

 - not weary of my failure.

 - not weary of my exhaustion

 - not weary of my cries, my prayers, my petitions.

 - not weary of my burdens

 - not weary of my questions.

You. do. not. grow. weary.

Counting Well

I have a new blog love.  www.oddlyspecific.com  Yesterday, they posted this ...

And the caption with it read, "When I die, I hope I’m remembered for more than my taste in plants."  Me, too!

On Wednesday, I think I read the most chilling words I have yet to find in scripture.  As the terribly sad (and disgusting!) story of a wicked king named Jehoram comes to a close, 2 Chronicles 21 has this to say about him. "And he departed with no one's regret."

Both of these radically different sources have had my thoughts in a funk this week.   I am a firm believer in beginning with the end in mind.  I have a short but serious list that I hope people remember about me, and I'm doing my best to work toward that goal every day.  Sometimes, my fear of dying without clearly communicating those things shakes me to the core.

Sadder still is the thought of wasting my life, living so selfishly that when I'm gone, there would be no one who'd miss me.

Yet, just when I've got myself totally worked up about the prospect of such tragedies, I hear the Psalmist speak from Psalm 90:12, "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom," and I am reminded that I would do well to ask this very thing of the Lord today for myself.

Believing is Seeing

Faith is being sure of what we hope for, certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

  

When a specific verse or theme is mentioned repeatedly from a variety of sources in the span of a week, I tend to sit up and take notice.  Last week, that theme was "faith" and the recurring passage was Hebrews 11:1.  You can ask me or ask anyone who knows me whether or not I have faith, and the answer will undoubtedly be yes.  But, lately, I've been learning a deeper lesson about faith that believes what it cannot see.

I've had a front row seat for about a month now to a situation that, by all counts, appears hopeless.  Multiple times a week, I find myself starting out a prayer with "God, I don't see how you could bring good from this ..." but before I can even finish the thought, I hear Hebrews 11:1 playing in my memory, "...certain of what we do not see." 

Growing up in church, hearing about faith all my life, I never thought it was that tough of a concept.  But, now, I'm realizing, believing God for something I know is His will, that I'm asking for in Jesus' name, agreeing with other believers about, but I cannot see any evidence of whatsoever at the moment, takes faith on a whole new level. 

And, I'm reminded of Joshua 6:1-2.

Now Jericho was tightly shut up because of the Israelites. No one went out and no one came in. Then the LORD said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men..."

Did you catch that?  Jericho was shut up tightly.  Impenetrable.  Then God says, "See, I'm going ot give you that."  God asks Joshua to see a reality beyond all physical evidence or circumstance.  He wants Him to see the victory before the march around the walls has even begun!  I am so encouraged by that! 

For me, today, believing is seeing.  Believing God can and will do what I can barely bring myself to speak of or hope for, is looking at a securely fortified city and knowing victory is as good as accomplished.

I would have dispaired had I not believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait on the Lord and be of good cheer, He will strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27:13-14

Peace in the Strangest Places

This morning I decided my verse for the day would be Psalm 94:19, "When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, your consolations, O Lord, will be my delight."  For a couple of weeks now, I've found it very difficult to find inner quiet.  I don't know exactly how to explain what's been going on in my head, except to say that things are never still or quiet.  There's a constant list of things that need to be done, people that need to be called, friends that need to be prayed for, books that need to be read, tasks that need to be completed, events that need to be planned, special occasions that need to be celebrated, and on and on and on.  It's exhausting.  As I stole my few minutes of time alone with the Lord this morning before rushing to sit in traffic on my way to work, I asked Him to grant me peace, begged Him to let me find that quiet I was lacking. 
My morning passed in a blur.  I had two hours to return phone calls, answer emails, and publish and pass out a newsletter before my 10 o'clock meeting which would push past 11 o'clock, and then I had to leave no later than noon to be at the court house for a jury duty summons at 12:30.  All morning long, the running list of things I had to accomplish and things I hoped to accomplish, and things I was going to have to apologize for not accomplishing was swirling through my thoughts.  It was awful.
Then, I got to the courthouse.  I made my way through the metal detectors, wound through the line of jurors being processed into the large jury room, scanned my summons, and crawled across three women to one of the last open seats.  I made polite small talk with the lady beside me, offered her one of the two books I'd brought with me (yes, I was prepared!), then sat back and observed the people.  It was tempting to fret about all that I wasn't getting done, but suddenly, I realized there was nothing I could do about it.  I hadn't chosen this date or time, but I was summoned.  I didn't have email or work or anything else but a book with me, and because there was nobody there I knew, there was nobody there to bother me.  I sat ... quietly.  I read a bit, and then I just sat. 
About 30 minutes into it, I realized that my head was quiet, my thoughts were still.  I was at peace.  I stayed there for 2 1/2 hours, jurors getting assigned to various courts, announcements being made, my name never being called.  And, then, it was over.  I was dismissed.  I was back at my desk by 3:15 p.m., but I was at peace.  I'd had the break that I so desperately craved. 
Like a very special gift only He could arrange, God provided the peace I was longing for in the strangest of places, a jury room.

500 years ...

I've been thinking a lot lately about God's promise-keeping nature.  I know in my head that God is a faithful promise keeper, but I also know that I'm frequently oblivious to that fact on a daily basis.  I want to want the things that please the Lord and to live boldly confident that He's delighted to provide them.

Today, I read from several different passages.  The first was Genesis 5, mostly a geneology, with a few familiar names sprinkled throughout, including Noah.  Genesis 5:32 says, "After Noah was 500 years old, he became the father of Shem, Ham, and Japheth."  500 years old?  Seriously?  I mean, I know that people lived longer back then, but even in the rest of the chapter, most people started having kids before their 200th birthday.  Noah was seriously behind.  And, then he had the whole ark thing and the 120 years.  I just had to stop a minute and ponder that.  Why in the world did God wait 500 years before making Noah a father?  Was Noah concerned that he might not have sons to carry on his family at any point in those 500 years?  Did waiting 500 years to have sons and then being blessed with three sons shape Noah's relationship with God and willingness to trust Him when it came time to build an ark on dry land?

Then, the last passage I read this morning was from Luke 2.  It was the story of Simeon, the guy who believed the Lord had spoken to him and promised him that he would see the Christ before he died.  I don't know how old Simeon was, but he seemed ready to die once he'd held the baby Jesus and recognized Him as the Messiah.  I wonder how long he'd been waiting for that promise to be fulfilled?  I wonder if he ever felt crazy?  I wonder if others thought him strange?  Did he tell them what he was waiting to see?  I wonder if he ever had health problems and doubted in his own mind the Voice that had made that promise?  It was a pretty radical hope to cling to after 400 years of silence from the Lord or His prophets.

All of this led me to thinking  about the things I'm asking God for, waiting on Him to accomplish, believing He will do.  There are some very specific hopes I have placed in Him, things I have felt led to pray that seem a bit wild and far-fetched even in my own mind most days, times when I am sure I heard His voice but I could never prove it.  The longing, the waiting, the hoping, the anticipating ... it's what drives me to my knees, draws me closer to Him over and over again.  Today, as I thought about Noah and Simeon, I tried to imagine what it would truly be like to have all those dreams fulfilled, and I began a new prayer in earnest, that God would never fulfill one promise without giving me another so that I might never cease to long for and hope in Him.


May no promise fulfilled ever satisfy me like the simple joy of knowing Christ.


"What I once considered gain, I now consider loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord." Philippians 3:8

10 Resolutions for 2010

Resolved, I will pray more and worry less.
Resolved, I will read more and watch tv less.
Resolved, I will cook more but eat alone less.
Resolved, I will see more sunrises and fewer midnights.
Resolved, I will save more, give more and spend less.
Resolved, I will love more and preach less.
Resolved, I will rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
Resolved, I will allow the Truth to set me free.
Resolved, I will practice being today the woman I hope to become tomorrow.
Resolved, I will live boldly and fear less.

Light and Dark

If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. ~ I John 1:6-7

Each year, I try to really focus on asking the Lord to teach me at least one very specific thing.  In January 2009, I asked God to teach me what it means to walk in the light, to show me how to do that.  I knew there was darkness that needed to be dealt with, and I had just come to a point in my life and my walk with the Lord where I wanted light more than I wanted to maintain the facade of holiness I'd been carefully hiding behind.  It was one of those prayers I knew might lead to a painful process, but something deep inside was compelling me foward.

It's almost the end of 2009.  I just let out a huge sigh even saying that, thinking about this year and the journey I've been on.  I've mentioned plenty of times "the darkness" I've wrestled with this year.  I even spent a couple of months in counseling trying to come to terms with what was weighing me down so oppressively.  Ultimately, there was sin in my life that needed to be faced, revealed, dealt with.  Rather than putting all my energy toward concealing it, I began putting energy into repenting of it, asking others to face it with me, and dragging it into the light.

It's not been a straight path or an easy path.  I'm still traveling it in many ways.  But, today a very familiar passage became new again, and I just have to talk about it.

Psalm 139.  I read it this morning and genuinely felt like I was having a dialogue with the Lord sitting right there in my living room.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me!"  As I read the familiar words about how God knows when I sit and when I rise, how He knows the thoughts in my head before any of them reaches my lips, how He prepares a path for me, how there is no where I can go that would take me out of His presence ... "such knowledge is too wonderful for me" truly was the only appropriate response. 

Then I got to verses 11-12, "If I say 'surely the darkness will cover me, and the light about me be night,' even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as day, for darkness is as light to you."

I was stunned.

That darkness I was so afraid to face.  The things that terrified me.  The things I hate most about myself.  The things I was sure would finally, at last drive someone, especially a Holy Someone away from me.  They weren't even dark to Him.  They didn't even make Him blink.  His eyes needed no time to adjust.  He just shed His brilliance over them, as I dragged them out, He covered them as only He can.

I continued making my way through the passage, letting a fresh awareness of God's personal knowledge of and hand in my life wash over me.  

"Search me, O God, and know my heart.  Try me and know my thoughts.  See if there is any grievous way in me, and lead me in the path everlasting."

My walk through this passage today ended much like my journey through 2009 began, with a simple but earnest prayer that I be searched and known, examined and lead away from darkness into Light.  My prayer now is that the Light would only increase more and more in the days ahead. 

Wonderful Words of Life

In doing a silly exercise on facebook of going through my status updates for the year the other day, I noticed that there were quite a few verses.  I decided to compile them.  For almost every one of them, I can remember the day and what prompted me to post the verse and how the Lord was using that verse during that time to strengthen me.  It never ceases to amaze me how He continues to apply His word to my heart in fresh ways!

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

"But thanks be to God who gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Cor. 15:57

"And he said to them, 'Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen; he is not here. See the place where they laid him." Mark 16:6

Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders. Deut. 33:12

And He will be the stability of your times, abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is Zion's treasure. Isaiah 33:6

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. Psalm 16:5-6

"The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor in He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things," Acts 17:24-25

2 Corinthians 5:21 ... "God made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, so that IN HIM we might become the righteousness of God."

In [Christ] we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us. Ephesians 1:7-8

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Prov. 31:25

Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! Psalm 66:20

"So teach us to number our days that we may present to you a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

Romans 8:31b-32 If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?

"I, the LORD, am your God, who brought you up from the land of Egypt; Open your mouth wide and I will fill it." Psalm 81:10

Bless the LORD, o my soul, and forget none of His benefits; Who PARDONS your iniquities; Who HEALS all your diseases; Who REDEEMS your life from the pit; Who CROWNS you with lovingkindness and compassion; Who SATISFIES your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagles. Psalm 103:2-5

Therefore [Jesus] is able also to save forever those who draw near to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them." Hebrews 7:25

For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.~ I Corinthians 1:25

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. Psalm 100:4

Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. I John 3:2

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; whe you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not comsume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Is. 43:1-3

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God ... And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Rom.5:1-2,5

I am worn out waiting for your rescue, but I have put my hope in your word. Psalm 119:81

52 Songs for 52 Weeks of 2009

In play count order, these are the songs that have carried me through this year.


52. Sweet Morning Light/This Pathway by Greg Ferguson ... I will trust through the darkest night what I knew to be true when I last saw daylight
51. All I Can Say by David Crowder Band ... I didn't notice You were standing here, I didn't know that was You holding me, I didn't notice You were cryin', too, I didn't know that was you washing my feet
50. Live by Nichole Nordeman ... You came to shake us and to wake us up to something more than we'd always settled for and you make me want to live
49. None But Jesus by Christy Nockles ... In the moment of my weakness You give me grace to do Your will
48.  I Run To You by Lady Antebellum ... When lies become the truth that's when I run to you
47. What do I know of Holy by Addison Road ... I guess I thought that I had figured You out I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about How You were mighty to save Those were only empty words on a page Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees
46. I Am by Bradley Knight ... I am your future, so leave your past behind
45. The Valley of Vision by Sovereign Grace ...In the daytime there are stars in the heavens, but they only shine at night, and the deeper that I go into the darkness, the more I see their radiant light
44. Say by John Mayer ... You better know that in the end, it's better to say too much than never to say what you need to say again
43. Unashamed Love by Ten Shekel Shirt ... Worthy, You are worthy, of my childlike faith and of my honest praise, and of my unashamed love
42. Garden by Needtobreathe ... Let the notes I choose be Your favorite tune
41. I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin ... There's a day that's drawing near when this darkness breaks to light and the shadows disappear and my faith shall be my eyes
40. On The Third Day by Michael Olson ... On the third day behold the King, on the third day death has no sting, on the third day we're forgiven and reconciled!
39. Love Story by Taylor Swift ... It's a love story, baby, just say "yes!"
38. The Way I Feel by Matt Wertz
37. Whatever You're Doing by Sanctus Real ... Whatever You're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace; it's hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly
36. I'm Yours by Jason Mraz ... I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the season
35. Carolina by Matt Wertz ... I'm careless sometimes I'm sure that you'll find, but that's not how I want to live my life, I wanna be sure, but I don't know how to, how hard I try!
34.  Desert Song by Hillsong ... All of my life, in every season, I have a reason to worship, I have a reason to sing!
33.  Jesus Paid It All by Kristian Stanfill ... Oh, praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!
32. Stepping Stone by Duffy  ... I will never be your stepping stone, take it all or leave me alone, I will never be alone, I'm standing upright on my own
31. The One Who Loves You the Most by Brett Dennen
30. I'm Singing by Kari Jobe ... Only one King has an anthem that goes on and on and on
29. Hurricane by Jimmy Needham ... And if You are the war, let me be your casualty till I'm only Yours now
28. Brave by Nichole Nordeman ... The way it always was is no longer good enough, You make me wanna be brave
27. Beg by Shane and Shane ... I'm haunted by my God who has the right to ask me what by the nature of my rebellion I cannot give
26. Faithful to Me by Jennifer Knapp ... through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile to One who sees past all I see, I'm reaching out my weary hand, and I pray that You'd understand, you're the only one who's faithful to me
25. Laugh So You Don't Cry by Andy Davis ... The only tears you should cry, cry laughing. I think it's about time that you get yourself out of hiding
24. Counting on God by Desperation Band ... Joy unspeakable that won't go away and just enough faith to live for today, so I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring 'cause my faith is on solid rock, I am counting on God
23. O Praise Him by David Crowder
22. Alpha and Omega by Gaither Vocal Band ... He that sat upon the throne said behold I make all things new. He said unto me, write these words, for they are faithful and true and it is done, it is done, it is done, it is done!
21. Fringes by Shane and Shane
20. Blessed by Brett Dennen ... blessed is this life, and I'm gonna celebrate being alive
19. You Are My Treasure by Chris Tomlin ... bought with a price, I'm not my own
18. Rock n Roll by Eric Hutchinson
17. You Don't Have To Believe Me by Eric Hutchinson ... you don't have to believe me when we're dancing out on the floor, but you sure better believe me when I say you are worth much more!
16.  Crazyboutya by Dave Barnes ... all the girls in the papers and the movies and the covers of the dirty magazines they got nothing on your beauty, pretty baby, cause you're everything they wish they could be
17. I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas
16. Reasons to Love You by Meiko ... Give me a reason to fall in love, take my hand and let's dance. Give me a reason to smile, 'cause I think I forgot how
15. Boom Boom Pow by Black Eyed Peas ... I'm so 3008; you're so 2000 and late!
14. Something Beautiful by Newsboys ... When we laugh so hard that we cry, it's the love between you and I, something beautiful
13. Then by Brad Paisley
12. Loving You Loving Me by Dave Barnes ... What I say out loud is only half of what's in my head
11. Single Ladies by Beyonce ... If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it!
10. All Because of Jesus by Fee ... It's all because of Jesus I'm alive, all because the blood of Jesus Christ
9. Wedding Dress by Derek Webb ... I am so easily satisfied by the call of lovers so less wild
8. How Can I Keep from Singing by Chris Tomlin ... I know I am loved by the King and it makes my heart want to sing
7. Sleepy Tigers by Her Space Holiday ... I like you so very much so much in fact I gotta call you up, it's not that I have news to bring, I just wanna make your telephone ring

6. Psalm 62 by Shane and Shane ... Even in your fear, oh, your God is here to lean on, He won't move!
5. Glory by Selah ... One day voices that lie will all be silenced, one day all that's divided will be whole again, one day death will retreat and wave its white flag, one day love will defeat the strongest enemy, so we wait for that one day, come quickly!
4. From the Inside Out by Hillsong United ... everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
3. How He Loves Us by Kim Walker ... I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves us
2. I Have to Believe by Rita Springer ... If He can move my mountain, He can move your mountain, too
1. Mended by Watermark ... You give us your best for what we thought was better

Shout Out

I love the heart behind this ministry and know someone whose daughter is personally involved in impacting the lives of these teen moms.  

She writes, "YoungLives provides a safe, loving and fun environment where teen moms can meet and build friendships with other girls in their shoes. YoungLives gatherings are a place of crazy humor and creative activities - not to mention free food and childcare. Most importantly it is a place where teen moms can discover who they are in a non-judgmental, caring environment provided by women who model the love of Christ."

If you have old bridesmaid dresses or prom dresses – or cocktail dresses, clean out your closet and let me know, and I'll help you get it to YoungLives. The sale will be held in March but the sooner you turn them over, the better. They have a goal of 250 dresses – some of you have 5 or 6 bridesmaid dresses, I just know it! You can tell your friend that you gave the dress to charity and never feel guilty – find out more at their blogspot – www.ditchthedress.blogspot.com Every dress counts!

Mimi's 80th Birthday

On October 23, my Mimi turned 80.  I wish I had eloquent words to tell you about Mimi.  I don't.  They fail me.  She's one of the most fabulous people I know.  I love that when it came time to shop for her, I ended up at a wonderful, sparkly boutique called Charming Charlie and that none of the sales women even came close to helping me find the right gift for my 80 year old grandmother because everything they chose was far too subdued.

The festivities began on Thursday night when Mom, Aunt Susan, and I surprised Mimi with tickets to a Chonda Pierce concert.  Chonda is a very funny Christian comedienne, and we had a blast during our girls' night out.

The rest of the family arrived on Friday.  My cousin Tiffany and her husband, Dustin, and their kiddos -- Tucker and Kaylenn.  This is Tucker being fussed over by my mom and Mimi as soon as they got in the house.

Tucker, Kaylenn, and I -- getting everyone nice and riled up just before bed time!

My mom brought out some glow sticks for us to play with, and we quickly discovered that Mimi's white hair made a great place to "hide" green glow sticks.

Aunt Susan (aka: Sue B Sweets) provided all the scrumptious cookies for the big party on Saturday.  They taste even better than they look, if that's possible!

Mom, Mimi, and Uncle Tracey

Mimi's always such a good sport when Ava and I do things like pull her into a self-portrait!  Yes, we know there are plenty of people around to snap the picture for us, but it's so much fun to use our extra long arms!

We don't get to gather like this nearly often enough, and we sure did miss Addie, Adam, and Ashley!

We had several very pleasant surprises at Mimi's party, including her cousin Ruth Baker and Ruth's daughter and son-in-law, Kristi and Gary Moore.

Tucker is irresitibly cute!

See what I mean???

I'm just sayin!

Kaylenn laughing is one of the best sounds in the world!  Kaylenn laughing with Mimi is priceless!

Uncle Tracey proving that you're evidently never too old to throw up some bunny ears.  I love that my mom and Aunt Susan are so close, and I crack up when my dad and Uncle Tracey get together.  With adults like these, I never really stood a chance, you know.  ;-)

Happy Birthday, Mimi!  And many, many more!

If God's Word Is True, I Must Take Comfort

"O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold, I will set your stones in turquoise and lay your foundations in sapphires."

I don't write a lot about being single.  I work really hard to not let my marital status (or lack thereof) be what defines me.  For many years I have prayed, "Lord, I want everything you give me and nothing you deny me."  I have repeatedly affirmed for myself that I may make known the desire of my heart to the Lord, but I will hope not in my desire, but in Him alone.  Still, on some days, it is easier to rejoice in that hope than on other days.  Some days, frankly, I'm just very human.  (shocking, I know)

I have a number of happily married friends who pray for the Lord to grant me a similar state.  I'm thankful for them.  I'm thankful they're happily married.  I'm thankful they want that for me.  I'm thankful they're honest with me about the trials of marriage, so that I am never lulled into believing it is the answer to any of my problems.

A number of years ago, during a very brokenhearted season, I came across Isaiah 54.  Honestly, it's one of those passages kind of like Proverbs 31 that I have a love-hate relationship with.  I love the sentiment.  I love the imagery and metaphor.  I love the promise of God's unfailing compassion.  Yet, some days, I hate how hard I have to work to find the comfort commanded for me there.

"Sing, O barren woman,
       you who never bore a child;
       burst into song, shout for joy,
       you who were never in labor;
       because more are the children of the desolate woman
       than of her who has a husband,"
       says the LORD....

"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
       Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
       You will forget the shame of your youth
       and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

For your Maker is your husband—
       the LORD Almighty is his name—
       the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
       he is called the God of all the earth.

The Lord's been bringing this passage to mind a lot lately.  And, I've worked to make sense of it.  Is He telling me to prepare myself for singleness permanently?  Is He chastising me for the tears of longing I've wept recently?  Is He disappointed that sometimes I just want someone with skin on to do life with?

I honestly don't think so.

The more I've contemplated Isaiah 54, the more I've come to a single conclusion. (No pun intended.)  We walk by faith and not by sight.  A barren woman singing for joy over children more numerous than she with a husband?  I confess, I've struggled, as Sarah of old, not to laugh at the notion.  And, then I sense the Lord's calling me to look deeper, to see with spiritual eyes.  Do I value the "children" He's allowed me?  Do I rejoice over and celebrate all that my single days have allowed me to be a part of which I may not have had the freedom to know otherwise?  Do I trust God to give me the very best in every season?  Do I believe that He who did not stop short of sending His only Son so that we might have right relationship will provide every good and perfect gift in time?  Do I believe that God is good all the time?

Last week, I wrote on Facebook about how many children Cornerstone needed to have adopted for Christmas, hoping that perhaps, some of my friends would want to get involved.  I had my socks blessed off by the response.  My Beloved G2 ladies from Wedgwood answered the call.  One of my accountability partners jumped at the chance.  Then, I heard from a precious friend I had not seen since high school, someone I very clumsily "discipled" as an older senior high student.  And, then, one of the young women from a group of high school girls I spent a couple of summers investing in during college wrote to say she was in, too.  And, there were others.  Amazing.

"Enlarge the place of your tent,
       stretch your tent curtains wide,
       do not hold back;
       lengthen your cords,
       strengthen your stakes.

"For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
       your descendants will dispossess nations
       and settle in their desolate cities.

I told a friend recently, I think that being single is toughest on the good days.  On a bad day, I just want to come home and be left alone.  But, on a good day, I want to talk about it, celebrate it, share it.  This week has been a strange combination of bad and good, mostly good.

Conspiracy Theory

Yesterday, my blood pressure tested high.
Granted, it's the middle of a crazy day in the midst of a crazy week, something to treat with caution, but not necessarily a fair measure of normalcy.
Still, I awoke this morning, determined to cut back on the caffeine, drink more water, and get serious about making time to work out even with all the craziness going on.
I drank a single cup of coffee and told myself that would be it.
Then I got to work.
A very kind and thoughtful coworker left a sweet note and an energy shot on my desk.
A sweet volunteer/friend arrived with a large cup of hot, black coffee.
And, another volunteer/friend called from Starbucks, not asking if I wanted anything, but what I wanted her to bring me.  (I chose cider!)
It's a conspiracy, I tell you.

From Streams

I've been very bloggy lately, I know.  I'm not sure what causes that.  I should probably have it checked out.  ;-)  Today, though, I just want to share someone else's words with you.  This is the entry from "Streams in the Desert" for today, December 7.

You will see neither wind nor rain, yet this valley will be filled with water, and you, your cattle and your other animals will drink.  This is an easy thing in the eyes of the LORD; he will also hand Moab over to you. (2 Kings 3:17-18)

To human reason, what God was promising seemed simply impossible, but nothing is too difficult for Him.  Without any sound or sign and from sources invisible and seemingly impossible, the water flowed the entire night, and "the next morning ... there it was ...!  And the land was filled with water ... The sun was shining on the water ... [And it] looked red - like blood" (vv.20,22)

Our unbelief is always desiring some outward sign, and the faith of many people is largely based on sensationalism.  They are not convinced of the genuineness of God's promises without some visible manifestation.  But the greatest triumph of a person's faith is to "be still and know that [He is] God" (Ps. 46:10).

The greatest victory of faith is to stand at the shore of the impassable Red Sea and to hear the Master say, "Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today" (Ex. 14:13), and "Move on" (Ex. 14:15).  As we step out in faith, without any sign or sound, taking our first steps into the water, we will see the water divide.  Continuing to march ahead, we will see a pathway open through the very midst of the sea.

Whenever I have seen God's wondrous work in the case of some miraculous healing or some extraordinary deliverance by His providence, the thing that has always impressed me most was the absolute quietness in which it was done.  I have also been impressed by the absence of anything sensational and dramatic, and the utter sense of my own uselessness as I stood in the presence of this mighty God, realizing how easy all this was for Him to do without even the faintest effort on His part, or the slightest help from me.

It is the role of faith not to question but to simply obey.  In the above story from Scripture, the people were asked to "make this valley full of ditches" (2 Kings 3:16).  The people obeyed, and then water came pouring in from some supernatural source to fill them.  What a lesson for our faith!

Are you desiring some spiritual blessing?  Then dig the ditches and God will fill them.  But He will do this in the most unexpected places and in the most unexpected ways.  May the Lord grant us the kind of faith that acts "by faith, not by sight" (2 Cor. 5:7), and may we expect Him to work although we  see no wind or rain.  A.B. Simpson

Cornerstone Blog

For those of you interested in keeping up with or learning more about Cornerstone Assistance Network, check out our blog ... http://www.canetworknews.blogspot.com/

We currently have a great need for folks to provide Christmas presents for our client's kids.  As of this morning, there were 120 kids that had not yet been adopted, and the due date is just a week away!

State Champs!

How cool is it that the entire family got to be in the stands for the first game of the season, AND we all got to be there for the last game -- when they were crowned state champs!  We are so proud of Steven and the PCA Lions!

This picture was taken before kickoff.  By the end of the 1st Quarter, Coach Greek had 27 fans in the stands all there just for him!  We seriously doubt any of the kids on the team actually had a fan base that could match that!  :-)

Steven's up there calling plays!

One of the cool things about playing in Killeen was that extended family got to be there, too!  Uncle Louis, Aunt Patsy, Kimberly, John, Paige and Riley showing up made the whole day that much more fun!

The sun was out, but the wind was cold!

There's always time to pose for a quick pic!

Big Dave and Lil' Steph maintain their "favorite aunt and uncle" status by providing a steady supply of sugar!

Gina cheering with her Snuggie on had me laughing pretty hard!

 

It was a great season, and a great day, and this final score was icing on the cake!

That's Steven hugging one of the other coaches at the end of the game!  It was so much fun to watch the team and staff celebrate and soak it all in!

 

All My Loves

I love bubble baths.  I love blackberries.  I love dancing shows.  I love high school football.  I love my crazy family.

There are some big things that I'm asking God to do in my life.  And, thanks to the faith I've borrowed and leaned upon from a few friends, I do believe that He's going to accomplish them.

But, there are also some very small things I've asked God for recently.  Things that would make me smile but have very little eternal significance.  Things I can easily live without but significantly increase my pleasure on any given day.  Things like bubble baths.  Blackberries.  Dancing shows.  High school football.  Family.

Last weekend, the football team that my cousin Steven coaches won their way to the state championship playoff game to be played this coming weekend in Killeen.  I was overjoyed for Steven and the team! Killeen is just 2 hours away, and all of our family were making arrangements to get there. What an exciting time!  Then, I remembered that I was scheduled to help one of Cornerstone's board members decorate her home for Christmas this Saturday morning.  It was a commitment I made a number of weeks ago and not something I felt comfortable trying to reschedule.  Monday morning, I talked it over with the Lord.  I told Him I knew I shouldn't cancel on her, but that I really did want to be at that game, and I asked Him to make a way or to help me have a good attitude about missing out.  About an hour into my workday I received a phone call from that board member.  "Kristen?" she says,  "I need to talk to you about Saturday."  "Okay," I said, forcing a smile into my voice.  I truly love and appreciate this woman and want to do a good job for her.  "Kristen, our grandson plays football, and his team is in the playoffs.  Their game is this Saturday in Stephenville, and we really need to leave the house by 11:00 to get there.  Is there anyway you and I could reschedule?"  I was laughing and a little teary eyed all at the same time as I giddily told her about the game I wanted to be at and we worked it out for me to come help her on Friday afternoon instead.  As we hung up she said, "See, sweetheart, God really is in the details, isn't He?"  Indeed.

When I began making plans to move from the house I've rented for the last 3 years, the one thing I was going to miss most was the gorgeous garden tub that had provided many hours of relaxation at the end of hectic days.  Many times, that tub was my personal place of retreat.  As I began looking at apartments, I noticed that there were several floor plans that offered garden tubs.  I didn't dare hope to find one in my price range, but I did mention to the Lord how nice it would be to find such a treasure.  On Tuesday night, after a particularly long day at work, as I relaxed in my beautiful garden tub, in my new affordable apartment, with my glass of sweet blackberry wine gifted to me by a thoughtful friend, watching So You Think You Can Dance playing on the tv that was turned just so from the other room, I knew that God, for whatever reason, had delighted to once again show me a gentle yet abundant kindness that caused my heart to swell with gratitude.

In that moment, in my foolish, finite mind, I thought, "God, you answer so readily and thoroughly the simplest desires of my heart, yet you leave the bigger questions unanswered.  Why can't it be so simple with other things?"  Shortly after that it occurred to me, the incredible ways He answers in the small things are evidence. They are glimpses of His attention, provision, and the way He delights to show off as the One who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine.  He truly knows my heart better than any other, hears the things I don't even think to say out loud.  The bath tub.  The football game.  It's as though He's said to me this week, "If I do these things that well, aren't you just a little excited to see what I can do with the rest?"

Yes, Lord.  Yes, I am.

Fringes by Shane and Shane

He stretches out the north over empty space
And hangs the earth on nothing
And how faint a word we even hear of Him
And yet – our eyes and ears and minds get all the candy

I sing for grace
For grace it lets me sing
And all I’ve ever seen or heard
Or haven’t seen or heard
It’s His
There is no other
All of this is but the fringes

And these are but the fringes
And all the world hinges
On His grace and on His word
It speaks things into being
And the spoken things revealing
The glory of our God and King

I’m stumbling upon things that aren’t mine
Things he spoke to life before time
Name one thing that’s not
One law or thought
He taught the clay
Molded it
Behold, He called the sheep
That’s why they came
Sheep! Who by grace get a peep
And make it cheap by calling it mine

"Behold, these are the fringes of His ways; And how faint a word we hear of Him! But His mighty thunder, who can understand?" (Job 26:14)

Confessions of a People Pleaser

Today, it is snowing outside.  I dressed warmly, wearing a layered turtleneck, sweater, and scarf.  Then, as I walked out the door, I grabbed my heaviest coat and threw it over my arm and carried it outside to my car.  When I got to work, I grabbed my lunch, my folders, and then threw my coat over my arm once again for the walk from my car across the street to the office building.  And, here's what I realized.  I literally carry a coat (over my arm) on the coldest day of the year just to keep potential "moms" from getting onto me for not having one.  I hate coats.  I rarely put one on unless I KNOW I'm going to be outside for more than 10 minutes. (This is also how I feel about umbrellas by the way.)  Still, I feel compelled to carry one to please people who MIGHT feel compelled to get onto me.

Seriously?!

So, this morning, I walked into a male coworker's office just as he was picking a package of feminine products out of a box of random items someone had left for a client.  "What's this?" he says.  "Uh, pads," I say awkwardly.  He drops them quickly into the box and turns to answer my question.  I laughed and walked back to my own desk across the hall.  


Fast forward to this afternoon.  He's sitting at his desk working on reports.  I'm sitting at my desk across the hall, working.  "Kristen, remember that package I picked up this morning?"  (I'm feeling very wary of where this is going.)  "Yes?" I say.  "Well, I was just wondering ... why are there so many different kinds of those?  Why are there different thicknesses?  Does it depend on the person?"  


At this point, I'm shaking my head, staring directly at my computer, and wondering why in the world this conversation is happening here and now.  Oh the dangers of working in an office where coworkers feel more like family!


"Well, no" I say, "it's more about the day than the person."  "Oh," he says completely unphased or undaunted in his curiosity, "so, are they labeled 'day one, day two, etc.?'"  "Um, no.  That's actually more about the person," I say, still shaking my head and trying to pretend this isn't happening.  "Huh," he says, "well, there sure are a lot of different kinds.  They could probably have their own specialty store just for that."  At this point, I've got nothing else that's remotely appropriate to say at work about this conversation. 


The fact that the conversation happened at all was making me shake my head.  The fact that it happened with a coworker inside the office truly floored me.  But, the very best part, it was spoken ACROSS the hallway!


LOL.  I love my life.

My Favorite Phone Call

Me:  Hello, may I please speak to Blessing?
He: (yelling to someone else) Hey, they wanna talk to Blessing!
-- loud shuffling noise --
He: BLESSING!
She: Who is it?
He: I don't know, sounds like a white woman, though.

My Psalm of Thanksgiving

As I thought about Thanksgiving and worked on my post with a list of things I'm thankful for, I reflected on this past year.  The last 12 months have included a journey through one of the most trying seasons of my life.  The darkness and grief that enveloped me during the first part of this year was exceedingly troublesome, but the way that the Lord met me there and carried me from that place continues to be one of my greatest reasons for rejoicing and the thing I am most thankful for as I make my list this week.  Then, this morning, I read Psalm 116, and the psalmist so thoroughly captured it, I decided I'd just piggy back on his thankfulness.

Psalm 116

 ¹ I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
       he heard my cry for mercy.
I love the LORD because when I lay on the floor, spent from all my tears, begging Him to deliver me, He answered and showed me a way out, saying "walk with Me."
 ² Because he turned his ear to me,
       I will call on him as long as I live.
Because I know he hears me, I will call on him for as long as I live.
 ³ The cords of death entangled me,
       the anguish of the grave came upon me;
       I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
I thought I wanted to die, felt like I like it might actually be better;
I couldn't think straight because my heart was so full of sadness and disappointment.
 ⁴ Then I called on the name of the LORD :
       "O LORD, save me!"
Then I called on the name of the LORD, desperately begging Him to save me from myself and the darkness that filled my thoughts!
 ⁵ The LORD is gracious and righteous;
       our God is full of compassion.
The LORD gives what I do not deserve and yet He is right in all He does;
our God is full of tenderness toward those who hurt.
 ⁶ The LORD protects the simplehearted;
       when I was in great need, he saved me.
The LORD protects the sincere;
when the pit I'd crawled into was deeper than anyone else could reach, he saved me.
 ⁷ Be at rest once more, O my soul,
       for the LORD has been good to you.
My soul knows peace because the Lord is good all the time, and I can rest in His authority.
 ⁸ For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
       my eyes from tears,
       my feet from stumbling,
For you, O LORD, have delivered me from the darkest place, 
dried my tears,
steadied my feet and been "He who is able to keep you from stumbling"
 ⁹ that I may walk before the LORD
       in the land of the living.
so that I might walk before You, taking my place among your people.
 ¹⁰ I believed; therefore I said,
       "I am greatly afflicted."
I believed that You are who you say You are and that You can do what You say You can do; therefore I poured out my sorrows before you, acknowledging my need for you.
 ¹¹ And in my dismay I said,
       "All men are liars."
In that dark place, I told you how loud the liars were and how hard it was to find truth-speakers.
 ¹² How can I repay the LORD
       for all his goodness to me?
How can I show the LORD how grateful I am for His goodness toward me?
 ¹³ I will lift up the cup of salvation
       and call on the name of the LORD.
I will acknowledge my salvation and call boldly on my Savior.
 ¹⁴ I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
       in the presence of all his people.
I will live out my calling, walking obediently before the Lord, demonstrating His goodness for others to see.
 ¹⁵ Precious in the sight of the LORD
       is the death of his saints.
The Lord values the life of each of His children and none of their deaths goes ungrieved.
 ¹⁶ O LORD, truly I am your servant;
       I am your servant, the son of your maidservant;
       you have freed me from my chains.
O LORD, truly my heart desires to serve you;
I want to live to honor and exalt you, to make you famous;
for you set me free from all that entangled me, and now I can choose joyfully to live for you.
 ¹⁷ I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
       and call on the name of the LORD.
I will thank you by making an offering of the things that I love, because I love you more;
and I will continue to call on your name, trusting you to hear me and to meet all my needs.
 ¹⁸ I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
       in the presence of all his people,
I will live obediently before the Lord, keeping all my promises to Him in the covenant community of His people,
 ¹⁹ in the courts of the house of the LORD—
       in your midst, O Jerusalem.
       Praise the LORD.
I will offer public praise to the Lord and encourage others to join with me!  Praise the LORD.

Satisfied

One of the first language lessons I learned during the months I spent in Guadalajara after college came at the end of a meal.  My hostess asked if I'd like more of something, and I responded in Spanish, "No, thank you, I'm full."  She laughed, and corrected me, saying what translated as "You're not 'full' like a gas tank, you're 'satisfied.'"  I liked that.  I think that subtle difference says a lot about our cultural view of food, but that's a different blog.

Satisfied is one of my favorite words.  Close your eyes and think about it.  What does satisfaction feel like?  To have your appetite satiated?  To know at the end of a busy day that you've done well?  It's like taking a long drink of an icy beverage on a very hot day.  ahhhhhh ....

The dictionary says that "to satisfy" means "to give full contentment to."

This week, Psalm 103:1-5 has been on my mind a lot.  It's one of my favorite passages.  "Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget none of His benefits ..."

He forgives.
He heals.
He redeems.
He crowns.

And, just in case that's not enough ...

He satisfies.

Bless the Lord, oh my soul!  And, all that is within me, bless His holy name!