Abraham Lincoln's Proclamation Establishing Thanksgiving

October 3, 1863

The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies.  To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God.  In the midst of a civil war of unequalled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union.  Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore.  Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years, with large increase of freedom.

No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things.  They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.

It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American people.  I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens.   And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union.

In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand, and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the city of Washington, this third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the independence of the United States the eighty-eighth.

A. Lincoln

Out of Egypt

I’ve been trying to write this entry for weeks now.  But, every time I sit down to put it into comprehensible words, the wonder of it all just takes over in inexpressible, unintelligible joy. 

It all started when I was in LA last month.  I was praying for God to show off in a big way one morning and was reminded of Psalm 81:10, “I am the Lord, who called you out of Egypt, open wide your mouth and I will fill it.”  It was such a beautiful reminder of the extravagance with which God demonstrates His love to us.  He holds nothing back. 

In the days and weeks that followed that reminder, I kept coming across that phrase, “out of Egypt” and I began to study it a bit.  Throughout Scripture, Egypt is equated with a place of bondage, servitude.  There was the literal exodus of God’s people, the Israelites, from the rule of the Pharaoh, but there was also an allegorical application for all of us who’ve ever found ourselves enslaved.  Over and over again, God identifies Himself as the one who sets His people free.  And, He did so with a purpose. I am the Lord, your God, who brought you out of Egypt

… so that I might dwell among them. (Exodus 29:45)

… to be your God. (Leviticus 11:45)

… to give you the land of Caanan (promise) and be your God. (Leviticus 25:38)

… so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians. (Leviticus 26:13)

… to be the people of [His] inheritance as you are now. (Deuteronomy 4:20)

As I began to contemplate this, that’s when the wonder-filled joy began bubbling up inside of me.  I have an Egypt, a place of captivity, where I spent far too many years enslaved, yet, all the while the Lord, my God, was calling me out of Egypt.  In fact, Hosea 11:4 says it like this, “I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them.”

I believe it is significant that God refers to himself repeatedly as the One who brought His people out of Egypt.  He reminds us over and over again that His heart for us is to bring us out of captivity into a land of promise, to be our Companion on every step toward freedom. 

I am mindful of several things as I contemplate this truth today:

1. God’s arm is not too short to reach me.  He is mighty to save.
2. Nothing is too difficult for Him.  There is no bondage more powerful than His love for me.
3.  It is God’s delight to show off in extravagant displays of love and grace. 
4. I was delivered with a purpose, to an inheritance, for a relationship with Him.

Charles Wesley said it this way,

And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain—
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?

I’m guilty.  I definitely hopped into Christmas mode pre-Thanksgiving.  That’s not usually my style.  I love Thanksgiving.  I love the family gathering and the ridiculously good food and the football and the opportunity to focus on gratitude without the pressure of buying gifts.  I love Thanksgiving.  This year, though, I have just felt this longing for Christmas, for the joy and the hope and the goodwill to all men.  I’ve longed for the promise fulfilled and the rejoicing … and, to be perfectly candid, the cold weather. 

Christmas is a really big deal, and I’m not sorry for making a big deal of it.  But, today is not the week before Christmas; it is the week before Thanksgiving.  I’m giving myself this opportunity to backtrack briefly and focus on all that God has done and give thanks “unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine.”  (Ephesians 3:20) I’m never as in awe of the fact that God can do something great as I am the fact that He is willing to do something great.  Psalm 126 says it this way (emphasis mine):

¹ When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, 
   we were like those who dreamed. 
² Our mouths were filled with laughter, 
   our tongues with songs of joy. 
Then it was said among the nations, 
   “The LORD has done great things for them.” 
³ The LORD has done great things for us, 
   and we are filled with joy.

In the past, I’ve given you alphabetical lists of people and places and experiences for which I am grateful.  This year, I’m offering you a playlist.  There’s nothing new here, but it’s a great combination of expressions of gratefulness.  My Thanksgiving Playlist:

1.     Blessed – Brett Dennen

2.     I Have Been Blessed – Martina McBride

3.     Doubly Good – Amy Grant

4.     A Grateful People – Watermark

5.     Made Me Glad – Hillsong

6.     Thank You for Hearing Me – David Crowder Band

7.     Psalm 126 (You Have Done Great Things) – Passion Worship Band

It's Good to be Common

Looking over the blog today, I noticed a glaring omission.  I’ve neglected to share with you loyal readers one of the most exciting journeys I’ve been on this last year.  It’s called Commons Church. 

Last October, an acquaintance and fellow blogger, Steve, announced that he and his family were moving to Fort Worth to plant a church.  Being the helpful individual that I am, I jumped right on facebook that afternoon and messaged them both letting them know that I had lived in Fort Worth for a number of years and would be glad to help them in any way I could. 

At the time, I thought that might be helping them find housing and maybe jobs and introducing them to others doing similar works and ministries in our fair city.  I was firmly planted in my own church home with no intentions to leave.  Sure, I’d been struggling to find community within that larger group for over a year and praying for God to place me into a new group, but I genuinely assumed it would be within that body.

In December, Steve called.  They were having an informal informational meeting about the church and asking anyone in the area who might be interested to come sit down and hear their vision.  I agreed to stop by, intending it as a gesture of support, not interest.  I was amazed when I arrived and found that I had at least met all of the people present and actually knew some of them quite well.  We sat down to talk and Steve began to share about his and Joy’s journey to become church planters and their vision for reaching the lost of Fort Worth, and my interest was definitely piqued.  I, however, had a birthday party to get to, and only halfway listened to his announcement about a church planting training coming up in February. 

I knew it there was a cost involved, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to commit, so I ignored the calendar as the date for the training approached.  Then, the day before the training, my phone buzzed.  It was a text from Steve asking if I was coming.  I told him I’d forgotten about it and had some things on my calendar, but I’d see what I could do.  I wish I’d saved that exchange because I think he called me a chicken or questioned my ability to manage my schedule.  Either way, I felt challenged and decided to clear my way to be at Northwood Church’s Turbo Training for church planters the next day. 

There’s no way to succinctly share all that I heard during that training, but when I look back on it, I know that was the day I decided to become a Commoner.  Steve and Joy had shared with us back in December how they’d begun telling others, “We’re going to plant a church in Fort Worth unless the Lord stops us.”  Without even consciously thinking about it, I told a good friend after Turbo training, “I am going to keep walking forward in this church planting adventure unless the Lord stops me!”  As soon as the words came out of my mouth and recognized their correlation to The Bezners own mantra, I was fairly certain there would be no stopping. 

In April, right after Easter, Thomas and Kimberly Law opened their home to our core group of 9 for a Wednesday evening home group Bible study.  I’ll never forget knocking on that door that first night and being welcomed by both Joy and Kimberly.  The community I’d been longing for suddenly had its arms around me in a very literal way.  It looked nothing like I expected it to when I’d prayed, but I recognized it nonetheless.  We met each Wednesday night and shared meals together, talked about what we wanted church to look like, took spiritual gifts inventories and personality profiles, and prayed for one another. 

By June, when we set out on Sunday mornings to visit other local church plants together, I had come to genuinely love and look forward to spending time with this new faith family.  I realized one Sunday morning as I got ready to visit yet another unfamiliar congregation with the people who were quickly becoming my church family that I was actually excited to be up and getting ready and worshiping with them.  Sadly, it had been a long time since I’d felt that way about going to corporate worship. 

In July, we held our first Sunday morning gathering in The Bezners’ living room.  There were about 12 people there, and it was new and different and so exciting.  Scripture says, “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”  I really began to understand that verse in a whole new light when I began actively giving financially to The Commons.  I’d already come to love the church, but somehow, investing my meager resources there, gave me a greater sense of joy and anticipation about what God was going to do in and through us. 

It’s mid-November now, and the journey continues.  We are consistently running 25-30 adults on Sunday mornings, and we’re actively engaged in conversations about moving to a larger space early next year.  We have new visitors almost every week … and lots of them come back!  There are two different home groups meeting during the week with talks of a third (and fourth?) starting in January.  We’re committed to loving our neighbors and have had some great times volunteering with the local Home Owners Association at dive-in movies at the community pool, neighborhood garage sales, and fall festival.  In October, we began having monthly missions lunches to raise funds to allow us to buy Christmas presents for children in need.  And, today, a dozen of us met over lunch to discuss a strategy for local and global missions in the coming year. 

I am so blessed by the men, women, and children who call themselves Commoners.  They are teachers and social workers and business men and builders and doctors and musicians and salesmen and deeply committed to using their gifts to bless others and point them to Jesus.  Each and every week I get to see Ephesians 3:10 played out in big and small ways, “God’s purpose in all this was to use the church to display his wisdom in its rich variety to all the unseen rulers and authorities in the heavenly places.”

Hope

Cornerstone's CEO, Mike Doyle, is the eternal optimist.  I've never met a man with more hope in him.  I'm honestly not sure if he knows how to give up once he sets his course for a goal.  The other day, Mike stuck his head into a meeting just in time to hear me teasing a coworker about their ineptitude at Facebook saying, "There's no hope!"  Mike had no idea what we were talking about, but upon hearing those words come from my mouth, you'd have thought I struck him personally.  His shoulders sagged, his head dropped until his chin was resting on his chest, and he shook his head from side to side slowly as he repeated the words as though he truly couldn't fathom such a statement, "No hope?!?"  It was pitiful!  In that moment, I learned more about my CEO than in the total 4 years I've worked for his organization.  Hope is what fuels him.  And, truthfully, it's what fuels us all.
Earlier this week, I wrote about a truly awful day in my work.  And, I realize now, it was hope that the next day would be better and that the story wouldn't end there that helped me get out of bed the next morning.  Hope is a truly beautiful word.  It empowers us when nothing else can.

So then, brothers and sisters, stand firm and hold fast to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter. May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. 2 Thessalonians 2:15-17

Come, Lord Jesus

Some days at my job are really great.  Some days, we win.  We get to see people making choices that bring them and their families closer to abundant life in Christ, and we rejoice.  Other days are more like today.

Today didn't feel victorious at all.  Today, the world just felt so broken.  Every time I turned around, I kept imagining peoples' lives shattered like glass, shards slicing into anyone who dares to try picking up the pieces.

Last month, I took multiple calls from a man trying to locate the girlfriend he had tormented so badly, she fled to a neighbor's without a stitch of clothing on her body.  Last week, I heard the story of a 14 year old girl who has already had multiple sex partners and an abortion and seems to have no idea that life doesn't have to be that way.  This morning, I saw the bruises on a woman who was kicked repeatedly by the steel-toed boot of a man who said he loved her. This afternoon, I read the rap sheet of a con-artist who sweet-talked her way into my good graces and nearly got a hiring recommendation from my office.

I sat at my desk at the end of this day, and all I wanted to do was find a way to make people on the outside understand how badly I hurt on the inside.  I wanted to throw things.  I suddenly understood perfectly how violence begets violence because I felt violent toward those men.  I wanted to hold that little girl and cry for all the things she doesn't know she's lost.  I wanted to bandage those women, tilt their heads up, look them in the eye and tell them how precious they are.  I wanted to shake that very gifted felon and make her understand how badly her poor choices wound everyone around her.

I wanted to call every godly man I know and thank him for not beating the women in his life, thank him for treating women with kindness and respect and helping them develop a sense of value and worth.  I wanted to call up every woman I know and remind her how treasured she is in Jesus' name.  I wanted so badly to find a way to pick up the pieces and put the world back together.

I longed to cry out for justice, knowing that only mercy would ever truly do.  Today, I prayed like never before, "Come, Lord Jesus, come."

from the overflow

Last week, I was visiting with my pastor and my upcoming trip to Alabama was mentioned.  He asked, "Now, tell me again who you're going to see?"  I smiled as I thought through the list, then began to explain, but before I got very far, he stopped me. "Never mind, I've know.  You're going to see amazing person x with whom you have an amazing relationship, and they do fill in the blank with amazing godly thing."  I had to laugh because he was kind of correct.

Last Friday, I got in a car with some of my favorite Fort Worth girls (shout out to Erin, Erika, and Ashleigh!) and drove to Birmingham where we picked Mel up from the airport and rendezvoused with Steph who was driving down from Nashville.  From the airport, we drove to meet Joel in the parking lot of the church where he's been serving as youth minister for the last two and a half years.  Joel had Josh with him.  Josh and Esther (and baby Noah) drove in from Jacksonville, Florida where they minister to youth as well.  The surprise attendee to our family family reunion was waiting for us at Joel's parents lake house.  Danny, a naval officer stationed in San Diego, found out at the last minute he was going to get to come.  Finally, Joel and I made a second trip that evening to the airport for Army officer Jarrod and his wife Dawn, flying in from Virginia.  It was just after midnight before the 14 of us were all under one roof for the first time in years.  What a delight!  We spent the next twenty four hours simply enjoying the pleasure of being close.  We sat on the deck or the pier and talked lazily, catching up.  We grilled hot dogs, watched football then baseball, played cards, took walks, and had our traditional breakfast for dinner meal.  Saturday night, in the girls' room, we lay awake giggling far too long.  And, early Sunday morning, we parted ways.  We hope to do it again next year, and that hope made the parting a little easier.

From the lake house, I went on to spend a couple of extra days in Hayden, Alabama with a different set of friends.  Jeremy and Jodi (and Emma and Abbi) were spectacular hosts.  It is difficult for me to describe the depth of my affection for this family.  Earlier this week, I summarized my relationship to them by saying that Jeremy was the first person I ever had to seriously talk out of punching someone on my behalf and I'm pretty sure Jodi was right behind him.  I seriously didn't want punches thrown, but it felt really incredible to know there were people with that sort of protective loyalty for me.  Jeremy has served as friend, mentor, counselor, and tutor.  Jodi is the consummate girls' girl.  She's wise and kind and hospitable.  She's a patient listener and has a gift for getting to the heart of a matter.  She's a treasure!  And, for two days this week, I soaked up their friendship.

And, while I was away, enjoying these "amazing" people, I realized something else.  I have a whole host of amazing people right here in Fort Worth I was really eager to get back to.  I love my church family so very much.  They are so funny and kind and eager to serve.  I feel rich when I'm with them.  I love my work family, too. They are quirky and outrageous and generous and gifted in such unique ways.  I have so much to learn from them.  And, I love my family.  The ones related to me by blood.  I didn't have much time to talk with them while I was gone, and I loved hearing my dad's voice on the phone today.  I'm looking forward to talking with my mom tomorrow.  I am eager to catch up with my cousins and see my grandmother, too.  

Today, I got home from work, and I was alone in my apartment, and my heart was so full of all these thoughts I thought I might need to go run around the building.  I posed the question on facebook, "When your heart is full, what do you do with the overflow?"  My answer is, I blog.  

#SparkLA2010 Spark Team

I decided to do a separate post about the team itself.  Serving with this team of women was perhaps the most surprising joy of the weekend.  We were the epitome of variety.  20 year old college students, 74 year old great-grandmothers, North Dallas socialites, working moms who picked up extra jobs to pay their way, nurses, paralegals, social workers, stay-at-home moms, p.e. coaches, and ex-cons.  You name it, we probably had it!  But, the one thing you would not find numbered among us was a princess.  (Even I left my tiara at home on this trip!)  I watched these women serve tirelessly, kindly, generously -- at Hope Gardens, on the bus, in the hotel.  They consistently looked for ways to bless whoever was within reach.  It struck me the morning we got to the ranch and there were boxes that had to be carried up a long path.  They fought for the opportunity to carry a box.  Then, that same day, the wind was blowing our screen over, and Linda volunteered to sit behind the screen and hold it steady throughout our session.  I smiled because I realized she was grateful for the opportunity to serve and because I knew any one of us would have gladly traded places with her.

At every meal, every bus ride, and on the planes, I had the opportunity to get to know different members of this remarkable team.  I met Jolie, a fashion merchandising student from Baylor, on her second Spark Trip.  She was traveling with her mom and her sister, and she'd recruited two of her college roommates and their moms, too.  I met, Sharon, a p.e. teacher and coach's wife from Abilene, on her second trip as well.  She rescued me from having to use the helium tank to blow up balloons, and she let me snuggle up next to her when I couldn't stop shivering around the camp fire.  I met, Sherry, the wife of a minister who was very influential in encouraging God's gifting and calling in my life when I was a high school student.  I sat next to Carrie, a Premier jeweler from Kansas City who heard about the trip in September and decided to fly out and see for herself what all the fuss was about.  She brought her coworker, Janet from San Diego as well.  I met Allison, a pastor's wife, and her friends Beverly and Nancy.  They were there to check things out so that they could recruit women from their church to anchor the next Spark trip to Orlando this coming February.  I met Sue, an incredibly organized and talented cook who worked for hours on her feet preparing incredible meals for all of us.  I met Linda, a librarian from Plano, a grandmother with a heart of gold.  I met Cindy, an ex-con who wants to go to seminary.  I met Jennifer, a paralegal who moonlights as a photographer.  I met Stacy, a minister to person's with special needs with a gift for running sound equipment.  I met Sandra, a life coach with a single son who lives in Alaska. :-)  I met Ms. June, who shared her testimony about how God has become a husband to her since her own husband was tragically shot five years ago.  I met Julie, who is allowing God to heal her broken heart after addiction held her captive for years.  I met Amanda, who bravely told her story of shame and grace and repentance.  I met Kathryn, a brand new believer already learning how to serve.  And on and on and on ...

Each and every one of these women with a story and a heart to let the Lord use her however He sees fit.  It was the most beautiful picture of the Body of Christ I have yet to experience.  

#SparkLA2010 Day Four

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

How do I even begin to describe Sunday?

The food team went ahead of us, preparing a beautiful brunch for all of us.  The decorations team transformed our meeting room into a lovely banqueting place.  The women arrived, joyful, open, ready to receive whatever we had for them, faces glowing.  It was a complete transformation from the women we'd met first on Thursday.

As I looked at the extravagance around me, I began to pray earnestly that each of them would understand what it was all about.  It wasn't about our love for them, we hardly knew them.  I was desperate for them to understand that all of this, all we'd done for them all weekend long was but a picture of the extravagant love God has for them, the grace He lavishes upon them.

Our musical worship that morning was powerful.  The message of the Lord's Prayer woven with songs and testimony was undeniably annointed.  And, then we moved into our final small group time.  I asked them one question, "Tell me what you will remember about this weekend, a year from now when you've forgotten our names, what will you remember about this time we've had together?"  I was terrified that they'd say something about the gifts or the decorations or the silly games.

Juana went first.  "I will remember that yesterday, I gave my heart to Jesus."  And I cried because I realized at least one of them had gotten it.  Maria was next.  "I know that God wants to have a relationship with me, and it is time for me to draw near to Him."  Yesss!  I cried some more.  Edith told us, "I am beginning to believe that it's possible for someone to love me without wanting something from me, that there is a genuine Love out there."  More tears.  Amanda, one of our senior adults, shared that she would remember the hugs, that she really appreciated the physical touch of love we'd brought with us, and she considered that to be God's gift to her throughout the weekend.  My heart cracked.  At this point, there were two others still sharing, but Vanessa, who'd told me she didn't really do this church stuff, reached over and linked her arm through mine and lay her head on my shoulder.  When it was finally her turn she simply said, "I guess I've learned that maybe this God stuff is worth a try.  Maybe He is real."  I'll take it!

Our final act of service for the women was to put all of them in a circle and wrap a fleece blanket around their shoulders and pray over them.  It was joyful and tearful and simply beautiful.  I could think of no better way to release them.

#SparkLA2010 Day Three

Saturday morning, I sat up in bed and swung my legs over the side and stood up quickly, and suddenly realized I was virtually pain free.  There was still a twinge of pain here and there, but the constant throbbing spasm was gone, and I rejoiced!

On our way up into the mountains, I prayed that our ladies would meet the Mountain Mover.  Saturday was a great opportunity for us to get them away from their familiar environment, to leave their children with caregivers, and to really just pour into them without distraction.  We did crafts, then began a silly series of relay games, as a seasonally uncharacteristic rain began to fall.  It was the strangest thing.  There was blue sky all around us, but right over us, a large gray cloud camped, unmoving.  So, we gathered under some trees and began to just sing and laugh and wait.  We took down and set up sound equipment and towel dried chairs three times before the rain finally cleared and we were able to carry on with our plans.

The first thing we did was set the chairs up in a circle, with a second inner circle of chairs turned to face the outer circle.  Hope Gardens ladies sat on the outside with Spark ladies facing them.  We took out hand lotion and began to massage their hands as an act of service and an opportunity to visit with and pray for them individually.  Their surprise and delight was so much fun to see as they realized what we were doing.  A few ladies had their nails painted, and others received back/neck massages, too.  It was a great time.  Session 2 followed with singing and teaching from Psalm 139 and a testimony from one of our team members, a formerly incarcerated felon who is now living for and serving Jesus in Reno, NV.  Cindy's testimony was like a glue that pulled everything we'd been doing all weekend together.  Suddenly, we weren't just a bunch of crazy rich ladies in pink, we were women with stories of how God had delivered us through circumstances every bit as dark or difficult as theirs.

Our small group discussion that afternoon centered on God's grace and the importance of our obedience to His commandments, not because it earned us salvation but because it was our response to His great love for us.  The women shared from their various experiences, some having walked far with the Lord and others having walked far from Him.  One young girl told us, "I just don't really do this church thing."  And another gave her heart to the Lord that same day.  Mountains were definitely beginning to shift.

We closed out that great day with s'mores over a campfire and began to turn our hearts and thoughts toward our final times together on Sunday.

#SparkLA2010 Day Two

I woke up Friday morning still in a great deal of pain.  I moved slowly and carefully as I dressed and went downstairs to breakfast.  I repeated my request for prayers to friends back home.  Through prayer and through friends, the Lord repeatedly reminded me that He could change my circumstances or He could change me with the grace to endure them.  I was completely confident He would relieve me of that pain when He saw fit, and until such a time, I was determined to enjoy my day with the ladies of Hope Gardens.

My prayer for the ladies that day was that God would "show off."  I wanted Him to make His presence known to them and to us in grand and precious ways.  We lost cell service once we arrived at Hope Gardens each day, but the last "tweet" I saw before getting off the bus was a verse from Psalm 81 that says, "I am the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt, open wide your mouth and I will fill it."  I had to smile as I remembered all the times the Lord has been faithful to "show off" with His extravagant love and grace.

As we pulled up to Hope Gardens, we had to laugh.  Right in front of the admin building sat several residents in pink Spark t-shirts smoking cigarettes and waiting for us to arrive.  It was a beautiful (and comical) sight!  That morning, we gave the ladies their folders for the weekend and divided them into teams, carefully fixing things so that our previously identified Spanish speakers all ended up in group "S". We were given supplies to decorate a team flag and about 20 minutes to come up with a team name and cheer.  It was quickly decided that we would be the "Super Sonadoras" (Super Dreamers) and our cheer was something hoping in Christ and jumping with Jesus.  Our cheer was a disaster, but we had so much fun making it up and performing it, nobody seemed to care.  Our ladies bonded quickly over their shared language barrier and seemed thrilled that Spark had brought 4 teammates who could communicate with them.

After lunch, we had our first worship time.  The spiritual battle in that room was almost unreal.  Women were coming and going throughout the music time, staff walkie-talkies sounding off, babies crying, and then Patti got up to teach and basically went temporarily blind, having to stop mid-thought, ask for more lighting, and take time out to pray again and settle into the lesson.  It was bizarre.  She presented a beautiful lesson to our ladies about the love of God and his care for them based out of Psalm 91.  And, then we had our first serious small group time.  Only four of our ladies stayed for the small group discussion, but their sharing was full of transparency, and I began to really long for each of them to encounter Jesus in a fresh way through our time together.  As we talked about the love of God and His unchanging nature despite all our shortcomings, I heard myself saying to the ladies, "You know, God has the power to change our circumstances, and sometimes, that's His way, but more often, it's His desire to change us through our circumstances."  I had to smile as I thought about the pain in my back and the grace (and Motrin!) He'd provided me throughout the day.

At dinner that night, I sat alone with a woman named Maria.  She shared with me about her two young children, and the poor relationship decisions she'd made that brought her to Hope Gardens, not just once but twice.  And, she mentioned at least two other shelters she'd been in previously.  Then, she dropped the real bomb on me.  She was 32 years old -- the age I'd just turned the day before.  The reality of her life nearly broke my heart.  I listened and affirmed the good choices she's made recently, but I went away with a heavy heart.

Friday night was reserved for "Sparky's Rootin' Tootin' Stampede", a variety show made up of skits put on by various Spark team members as well as some Hope Gardens residents.  Our first hurdle, though, was attempting to translate "Rootin' Tootin'"!  We had a big laugh over that one!

By the time we got on the bus that night, I was beginning to experience some relief from the pain in my back, and I slept really well that night.  This was a very good thing, since we were scheduled to spend nearly 2 hours on the bus Saturday morning heading to the Wrightwood Guest Ranch in the nearby mountains.

#SparkLA2010 Day One

I didn't plan to go on this Spark trip.  Even though I had an amazing time in Longview on last year's trip, October is a really bad time for me to be out of town, and I determinedly ignored the repeated email invitations I received to join this year's trip to Hope Gardens Family Center in Los Angeles.  Then, one morning in mid-September, I received a voicemail from Spark's founder, Molly Breitenfeld, telling me she'd been thinking of and praying for me and asking if I'd consider going to L.A. to lead a bilingual small group during the retreat weekend.  This piqued my interest.  A month later, I found myself boarding a plane with nearly 50 other women (there would be 53 total on our team) bound for Los Angeles.

We arrived mid-morning, ate a quick lunch at the hotel, dropped our stuff, and headed to Hope Gardens for "Sparky's Rockin' Rodeo" -- a night of outrageous fun designed for the mom's and their children.  Spark Ministry functions in teams.  We have prayer team, kitchen team, decorations team, gifts team, etc.  The Rodeo Team outdid themselves -- clowns, balloon animals, bounce houses, cotton candy (which I had up to my sleeves before I learned how to use the machine like a pro!), popcorn, snowcones, hot dogs, photo booths, stick ponies, line dancing, etc.  One of the case managers from Hope Gardens referred to us throughout the weekend as "Fun in a Box" and it was never more true than that first night.  We ended the evening with an important Spark tradition, "Spark in the Dark" where we turn out all the lights in a large room, pass out all kinds of glow in the dark toys, and turn up the dance music.  So. Much. Fun.

As we were putting stuff away that night and preparing for the next day, I hopped on the back of a golf cart and rode to the top of a bumpy hill.  I was fine when I got on the cart, but couldn't even stand up straight when I got off of it due to intense pain in my lower back.  It was frightening.  On the bus, my roommate for the weekend, who also happens to be a nurse, handed me some ibuprofen with water, and told me to sit still.  She carried my bag inside for me, and began the process of getting us checked into the hotel.

We had been assigned to a room with two other women, four of us total, sharing two double beds.  I was so tired and in so much pain and all I could think was, "we'll never get any sleep that way."  When we went back up to the front desk to inquire about the possibility of getting a room to ourselves, the lady initially told us the rate would be significantly higher since we would be out from under the Spark group rate, but she would check anyway.  When I gave her my name, she said, "Well, we already have a room reserved for you that nobody has checked into yet."  She rattled off a list of names that were supposed to be our roommates, and we said, "No, that's our small group."  She looked back and said, "Miss Horton, this room is here, under your name, with your group rate, and nobody else is claiming it."  I didn't argue any longer.  We took the keys and headed up the stairs - grateful beyond belief.  My sweet roommate spent some time massaging my aching back with muscle rub before we went to sleep, and I prayed fervently that I'd feel better in the morning ...

Jesus Saves

While God is infinitely creative expressions of grace, Satan is pitifully unimaginative in his ongoing attempts to mitigate the power of the Gospel in my life.  It struck me as sadly comical tonight as I was preparing for my latest adventure with Spark Ministry.  As I folded clothes and gathered toiletries and laid out travel documents, my thoughts were full of the same old doubts and inadequacies and self- ... well, just self.  Bluch!  It's such a frequent thought loop, you'd think I'd be onto his game by now, but unfortunately, I am a slow learner at times.

About the time I was ready to despair, a familiar song came to mind.  The words and melody swirling their way over all my foolish thinking.  Shane & Shane's "Embracing Accusation" ... Could the father of lies be telling the truth to me tonight?  ... Oh, the Devil's singing over me an age old song, That I am cursed and gone astray ... Singing the first verse so conveniently over me ... He's forgotten the refrain ... JESUS SAVES!


It's so true.  Those negative thoughts in my head are powerful because on some level they are all true.  I'm a mess.  I'm totally inadequate and ill-prepared and likely to fail epically on my own.  The problem is, those are only half-truths.  The bigger Truth is what really matters.  I am not on my own.  He who called me is faithful.  It is God who works in me both to will and to act according to His good pleasure.  He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.  Jesus saves!  That's the power of the Gospel.

May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. 

Hebrews 13:20-21

Temper Tantrums

Have you ever seen a two year old get startled in the middle of a full on belligerent temper tantrum?  Picture her: face down, kicking and screaming at the feet of a loving and patient parent determined to wait her out when suddenly something frightens her.  Perhaps it's a big dog or a scary clown or a loud noise.  Whatever it is, she goes from all out fit of defiance to whimpering in that parent's arms in 2 seconds flat.

I sat through a four-hour long meeting today with 8 of my favorite CWJC/CMJC colleagues.  We laughed and teased and worked and hashed out details for upcoming events and made decisions about endowment scholarships.  And, then, as we prepared to close our time together in prayer, one of our colleagues choked out the news that the phone call she'd taken just before our lunch break was her doctor and the word was "malignant."  Suddenly, nothing we had done together all day long seemed to mean anything as we absorbed the impact of our friend's news.

As we encircled her, laying hands on her, crying with her, and praying with all our might for God to comfort, sustain, and HEAL, the lump in my own throat was huge.  I was hurting for my friend.  I was imagining what her 18 year old only child was feeling.

This afternoon, I'm thinking about perspective.  I'm thinking about how many things suddenly meant absolutely nothing in light of the battle my dear friend faces.  I'm thinking how quickly life changes.

I'm also thinking about how foolishly I've been living lately, trudging through my days in prayerlessness, doing my best to teach God a lesson in my silence, my spiritual temper tantrum.  It's so stupid that I can hardly find words to tell you about it.  But, what's ironic to me is that today, when the news was serious and it was bad and it was not what I wanted to hear and definitely not what I would choose, I didn't hesitate to jump into His arms and hold on for dear life.

I'm reminded of John 6, when following Jesus started to get a little tougher for the masses, and many of His disciples began to desert Him, Jesus looked at the 12 and said, "Do you want to leave me, too?" but Peter answers, "Where else would we go?  You have the words of eternal life."

As I absorbed news of my friend's cancer today, my instinct was not to run further from the Lord or to fight harder against Him or look for a new Source, but to run full force into the strong tower of His sovereign goodness.  Today, I don't care about the things I don't understand as much as I long to rest in the one sure thing I know.

  At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:3-7

The Wisdom of Seasons

My Aunt Debbie shared this verse with our family today, and I thought it was a sweet reminder from the Lord.
Psalm 18:28 says, "You, Oh Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light."
I was thinking on this very gray morning as I drove to work about how much I loved the rain when it first began to fall, but now, after several days of rain and thunderstorms (and flat hair and bad traffic), I'm so very ready for some sunshine.  I had to laugh at myself.  I can be so fickle.  Seasons are just another display of God's infinite wisdom, are they not?  Sunshine is so much sweeter when it follows rain.

Where to Find Me - Watermark

Sometimes a song says it best ... 


When the lie is deeper than I know 
You capture me and You carry me home 
You see these wounds and rescue me 
You always heal things beautifully 

And I close my eyes 
And You can still my heart 
And I call out Your name... 
'Cause You always know 
You always know where to find me... 
You always know 
You always know where to find me... 

And where could I wander that You wouldn't be? 
Whom have I but You who really knows me? 
Proven to be the God that sees 
From strength to strength You've lifted me... 

And I could cry from the depths of the earth 
I could stand on a mountaintop 
And I can speak Your name out to the wind 
And You go before me... 
And You fall around me... 

'Cause You always know 
You always know where to find me... 
You always know You always know where to find me...

Amen or Oh Me?

¹ An oracle is within my heart
       concerning the sinfulness of the wicked:
       There is no fear of God
       before his eyes.

² For in his own eyes he flatters himself
       too much to detect or hate his sin.

³ The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful;
       he has ceased to be wise and to do good.

⁴ Even on his bed he plots evil;
       he commits himself to a sinful course
       and does not reject what is wrong.

Psalm 36 pierced me this morning.  Just like I am prone to take passages intended for the church and internalize them for me individually, I’m also guilty of taking passages that highlight the sin in my life and ignore them because they’re addressed to the “wicked” and I prefer to be called “righteous.”  However, this morning, I could not ignore the way this passage highlighted some attitudes in my own dark heart.

I’ve often prayed to know the fear of the Lord and have stated on this blog before that I believe that fearing the Lord means have such a profound desire and commitment to please God that all other fears take second place.  I might fear rejection or ridicule or failure, but never more than I fear failing my Lord.  This passage says that for the wicked, “there is no fear of God before his eyes,” that other fears run their lives and win their affections.  This is true about me every time I choose sin over obedience.

“In his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin.”  Ouch.  This passage cuts like a knife to the core of every sin issue I’ve ever struggled with.  I tolerate sin because I have not learned to hate it.  I tolerate it because I downplay it.  I tolerate it saying it can’t be that bad.  I flatter myself into thinking there couldn’t be a real sin problem.

“The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good.”  This is the thing I dread most when I find myself living more out of the flesh than the Spirit.  Everything I say and do feels tainted by sin, and I never feel right about speaking into another person’s life because I fear I’ll be speaking in my own foolishness rather than the wisdom God promises to give abundantly to all who ask.

“He commits himself to a sinful course and does not reject what is wrong.”  Can I just say UGH!  I wish I could say that most of the sin in my life is not premeditated.  I wish I could say it’s inadvertent.  But, far too often, I’m well aware of my actions and just not concerned enough about it to reject wrong.  I’m too quick to justify evil and super slow to make war against it. 

And just about the time I’m ready to tear my garments in utter defeat, as I begin to recognize how awful the bad news really is, how hopeless I am apart from Christ, the psalmist continues …

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, 
       your faithfulness to the skies.

⁶ Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, 
       your justice like the great deep. 
       O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.

⁷ How priceless is your unfailing love! 
       Both high and low among men 
       find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

⁸ They feast on the abundance of your house; 
       you give them drink from your river of delights.

⁹ For with you is the fountain of life; 
       in your light we see light.

The Manifold Wisdom of God

Last week, when I arrived at community group, Steve had left instructions for us to discuss the importance of unity in the church according to Ephesians 3.

In Ephesians 3, Paul describes his calling to make known the mystery of God.  This mystery that has been hidden for ages is that the Gentiles (non-Jews) are fellow heirs with the Jews, God’s chosen people, of the promises and grace of God.  And, the plan for revealing this mystery to the world?  The church.  Ephesians 3:10 says, “…through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known.”

In our differences.  In our variety.  In our willingness to worship together, unified as joint-heirs of God’s grace, we, the church, demonstrate the manifold wisdom of God.
Paul goes on to say that it is “for this reason …” he bows and prays that they would be strengthened with power, that Christ would dwell richly in their hearts, and that they’d have the ability to grasp the heights and depths of God’s love, filled with the fullness of God.

I’ve ALWAYS loved that part of the chapter, often prayed that for others.  But, only recently did I begin to understand Paul’s heart in that prayer.  His heart is to pray all of those wonderful things for them (for us!) so that they’ll be able to rightly display the manifold wisdom of God.  When we grasp the fullness of Christ at work in us, his willingness and ability to unite us, we more gloriously display Him to the world!

And, the chapter closes with my absolute favorite doxology, “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

I’ve come to realize lately how often I read and internalize passages for myself personally that were never meant for me as an individual.  They were written for the church, for me as a part of the church.  They are best seen and understood through the church.  The beautiful, glorious Bride of Christ.

Are you waiting?

It requires much more courage to stand and wait and still not lose heart or lose hope, to submit to the will of God, to give up opportunities for work and leave honors to others, and to be quiet, confident, and rejoicing while the busy multitude goes happily along their way. - L.B. Cowman

No Shifting Shadows

I was joking with a friend a few weeks ago that I think I have a crush on my neighborhood Walgreens.  It’s just so good to me, makes my life so much easier, and always has a surprise for me when we meet.  This week, however, I think I may have found a serious contender for my affections in Half-Price Books.  I get giddy just approaching the door!  I could spend hours exploring all manner of subjects and never run out of things to discuss.  And, talk about surprises!  I never ever leave there disappointed.  This week, Half-Price was especially good to me.  There was a wonderful new journal covered in brightly colored butterflies (mariposas) that might as well have had my name on it, like it knew the time had come for me to start a fresh book of blank pages.  Next, I went right to the novel I was hoping to find, and as a bonus, found the sequel tucked away on the clearance shelf for just a dollar!  And, for those nights when I just don’t feel like writing or reading, there was Season 1 of ER just waiting to entertain me.  It doesn’t hurt Half-Price’s chances in the competition for my affections that Bueno is close by, either. 

Of course it’s silly to have a crush on or feel romanced by a pharmacy or a bookstore.  I know this.  But, it is great fun to find such delight in such simple pleasures.  And, ultimately, I am reminded that “every good and perfect gift comes down from above, from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17) 

This week, I’ve had a lot of conversations with God that have started out with, “But what about …?”  Questions I just don’t have answers to right now.  Tonight, as I came home with all my simple pleasures and drew a bubble bath, I was reminded of this post from earlier this year.  And, it was as if the Lord said to me, “Kristen, it’s still Me, the One who took great joy in delighting you on that day, in working all the little things together for your good.  I am He.  I am the One providing for this day, too.  I have not changed.  I am every bit as committed to your good.”  I’m pretty sure a deep sigh escaped me as I let that truth roll over my mind and quiet all my questions.