I've decided that growing up is about realizing that your closest friends are right about you. And, not necessarily about the good things. They're right about the bad things. The annoying things. The quirky things. All the things I try so hard to change or hide or ignore. My closest friends were never fooled. They knew about me all along but decided the good outweighed the weird, I guess. And, as I get older, I find myself putting less and less energy into hiding and ignoring and denying and more effort into accepting, owning, and even laughing at myself.
The example for today is about silence. For YEARS, my best friend has feigned a shudder whenever I said I didn't have anything to say about a matter. She's insisted that silence is the most dangerous of all responses from me. And, I've laughed at her. I've insisted on my right to silence. Insisted it could mean little other than the fact that I had no opinion to express. She mocked me for even suggesting such a thing. Recently, I've found myself remaining silent for extended periods of time regarding things I've felt very strongly about. I did so because I didn't want to care. I did so because I was afraid I couldn't say what I felt without sounding harsh or causing grief or stirring up an "issue." (I hate "issues.") I held my peace until I absolutely could not hold it any longer, and then I said what I was thinking/feeling anyway. Because it needed to be said. Because it involved things and/or people that matter to me. Because, for me, silence is a defense, not an answer. I am seeing that more clearly than I've ever seen it before, but my best friend has known it all along. It's just one of those things about me. She accepted it long ago, ignored me when I denied it, and went on loving me despite it.
I hope you have people in your life like that, people who will love you for you until you learn to love you for you. (Say that 3 times quickly!)
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