#SparkLA2010 Spark Team

I decided to do a separate post about the team itself.  Serving with this team of women was perhaps the most surprising joy of the weekend.  We were the epitome of variety.  20 year old college students, 74 year old great-grandmothers, North Dallas socialites, working moms who picked up extra jobs to pay their way, nurses, paralegals, social workers, stay-at-home moms, p.e. coaches, and ex-cons.  You name it, we probably had it!  But, the one thing you would not find numbered among us was a princess.  (Even I left my tiara at home on this trip!)  I watched these women serve tirelessly, kindly, generously -- at Hope Gardens, on the bus, in the hotel.  They consistently looked for ways to bless whoever was within reach.  It struck me the morning we got to the ranch and there were boxes that had to be carried up a long path.  They fought for the opportunity to carry a box.  Then, that same day, the wind was blowing our screen over, and Linda volunteered to sit behind the screen and hold it steady throughout our session.  I smiled because I realized she was grateful for the opportunity to serve and because I knew any one of us would have gladly traded places with her.

At every meal, every bus ride, and on the planes, I had the opportunity to get to know different members of this remarkable team.  I met Jolie, a fashion merchandising student from Baylor, on her second Spark Trip.  She was traveling with her mom and her sister, and she'd recruited two of her college roommates and their moms, too.  I met, Sharon, a p.e. teacher and coach's wife from Abilene, on her second trip as well.  She rescued me from having to use the helium tank to blow up balloons, and she let me snuggle up next to her when I couldn't stop shivering around the camp fire.  I met, Sherry, the wife of a minister who was very influential in encouraging God's gifting and calling in my life when I was a high school student.  I sat next to Carrie, a Premier jeweler from Kansas City who heard about the trip in September and decided to fly out and see for herself what all the fuss was about.  She brought her coworker, Janet from San Diego as well.  I met Allison, a pastor's wife, and her friends Beverly and Nancy.  They were there to check things out so that they could recruit women from their church to anchor the next Spark trip to Orlando this coming February.  I met Sue, an incredibly organized and talented cook who worked for hours on her feet preparing incredible meals for all of us.  I met Linda, a librarian from Plano, a grandmother with a heart of gold.  I met Cindy, an ex-con who wants to go to seminary.  I met Jennifer, a paralegal who moonlights as a photographer.  I met Stacy, a minister to person's with special needs with a gift for running sound equipment.  I met Sandra, a life coach with a single son who lives in Alaska. :-)  I met Ms. June, who shared her testimony about how God has become a husband to her since her own husband was tragically shot five years ago.  I met Julie, who is allowing God to heal her broken heart after addiction held her captive for years.  I met Amanda, who bravely told her story of shame and grace and repentance.  I met Kathryn, a brand new believer already learning how to serve.  And on and on and on ...

Each and every one of these women with a story and a heart to let the Lord use her however He sees fit.  It was the most beautiful picture of the Body of Christ I have yet to experience.  

#SparkLA2010 Day Four

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

How do I even begin to describe Sunday?

The food team went ahead of us, preparing a beautiful brunch for all of us.  The decorations team transformed our meeting room into a lovely banqueting place.  The women arrived, joyful, open, ready to receive whatever we had for them, faces glowing.  It was a complete transformation from the women we'd met first on Thursday.

As I looked at the extravagance around me, I began to pray earnestly that each of them would understand what it was all about.  It wasn't about our love for them, we hardly knew them.  I was desperate for them to understand that all of this, all we'd done for them all weekend long was but a picture of the extravagant love God has for them, the grace He lavishes upon them.

Our musical worship that morning was powerful.  The message of the Lord's Prayer woven with songs and testimony was undeniably annointed.  And, then we moved into our final small group time.  I asked them one question, "Tell me what you will remember about this weekend, a year from now when you've forgotten our names, what will you remember about this time we've had together?"  I was terrified that they'd say something about the gifts or the decorations or the silly games.

Juana went first.  "I will remember that yesterday, I gave my heart to Jesus."  And I cried because I realized at least one of them had gotten it.  Maria was next.  "I know that God wants to have a relationship with me, and it is time for me to draw near to Him."  Yesss!  I cried some more.  Edith told us, "I am beginning to believe that it's possible for someone to love me without wanting something from me, that there is a genuine Love out there."  More tears.  Amanda, one of our senior adults, shared that she would remember the hugs, that she really appreciated the physical touch of love we'd brought with us, and she considered that to be God's gift to her throughout the weekend.  My heart cracked.  At this point, there were two others still sharing, but Vanessa, who'd told me she didn't really do this church stuff, reached over and linked her arm through mine and lay her head on my shoulder.  When it was finally her turn she simply said, "I guess I've learned that maybe this God stuff is worth a try.  Maybe He is real."  I'll take it!

Our final act of service for the women was to put all of them in a circle and wrap a fleece blanket around their shoulders and pray over them.  It was joyful and tearful and simply beautiful.  I could think of no better way to release them.

#SparkLA2010 Day Three

Saturday morning, I sat up in bed and swung my legs over the side and stood up quickly, and suddenly realized I was virtually pain free.  There was still a twinge of pain here and there, but the constant throbbing spasm was gone, and I rejoiced!

On our way up into the mountains, I prayed that our ladies would meet the Mountain Mover.  Saturday was a great opportunity for us to get them away from their familiar environment, to leave their children with caregivers, and to really just pour into them without distraction.  We did crafts, then began a silly series of relay games, as a seasonally uncharacteristic rain began to fall.  It was the strangest thing.  There was blue sky all around us, but right over us, a large gray cloud camped, unmoving.  So, we gathered under some trees and began to just sing and laugh and wait.  We took down and set up sound equipment and towel dried chairs three times before the rain finally cleared and we were able to carry on with our plans.

The first thing we did was set the chairs up in a circle, with a second inner circle of chairs turned to face the outer circle.  Hope Gardens ladies sat on the outside with Spark ladies facing them.  We took out hand lotion and began to massage their hands as an act of service and an opportunity to visit with and pray for them individually.  Their surprise and delight was so much fun to see as they realized what we were doing.  A few ladies had their nails painted, and others received back/neck massages, too.  It was a great time.  Session 2 followed with singing and teaching from Psalm 139 and a testimony from one of our team members, a formerly incarcerated felon who is now living for and serving Jesus in Reno, NV.  Cindy's testimony was like a glue that pulled everything we'd been doing all weekend together.  Suddenly, we weren't just a bunch of crazy rich ladies in pink, we were women with stories of how God had delivered us through circumstances every bit as dark or difficult as theirs.

Our small group discussion that afternoon centered on God's grace and the importance of our obedience to His commandments, not because it earned us salvation but because it was our response to His great love for us.  The women shared from their various experiences, some having walked far with the Lord and others having walked far from Him.  One young girl told us, "I just don't really do this church thing."  And another gave her heart to the Lord that same day.  Mountains were definitely beginning to shift.

We closed out that great day with s'mores over a campfire and began to turn our hearts and thoughts toward our final times together on Sunday.

#SparkLA2010 Day Two

I woke up Friday morning still in a great deal of pain.  I moved slowly and carefully as I dressed and went downstairs to breakfast.  I repeated my request for prayers to friends back home.  Through prayer and through friends, the Lord repeatedly reminded me that He could change my circumstances or He could change me with the grace to endure them.  I was completely confident He would relieve me of that pain when He saw fit, and until such a time, I was determined to enjoy my day with the ladies of Hope Gardens.

My prayer for the ladies that day was that God would "show off."  I wanted Him to make His presence known to them and to us in grand and precious ways.  We lost cell service once we arrived at Hope Gardens each day, but the last "tweet" I saw before getting off the bus was a verse from Psalm 81 that says, "I am the Lord your God who brought you out of Egypt, open wide your mouth and I will fill it."  I had to smile as I remembered all the times the Lord has been faithful to "show off" with His extravagant love and grace.

As we pulled up to Hope Gardens, we had to laugh.  Right in front of the admin building sat several residents in pink Spark t-shirts smoking cigarettes and waiting for us to arrive.  It was a beautiful (and comical) sight!  That morning, we gave the ladies their folders for the weekend and divided them into teams, carefully fixing things so that our previously identified Spanish speakers all ended up in group "S". We were given supplies to decorate a team flag and about 20 minutes to come up with a team name and cheer.  It was quickly decided that we would be the "Super Sonadoras" (Super Dreamers) and our cheer was something hoping in Christ and jumping with Jesus.  Our cheer was a disaster, but we had so much fun making it up and performing it, nobody seemed to care.  Our ladies bonded quickly over their shared language barrier and seemed thrilled that Spark had brought 4 teammates who could communicate with them.

After lunch, we had our first worship time.  The spiritual battle in that room was almost unreal.  Women were coming and going throughout the music time, staff walkie-talkies sounding off, babies crying, and then Patti got up to teach and basically went temporarily blind, having to stop mid-thought, ask for more lighting, and take time out to pray again and settle into the lesson.  It was bizarre.  She presented a beautiful lesson to our ladies about the love of God and his care for them based out of Psalm 91.  And, then we had our first serious small group time.  Only four of our ladies stayed for the small group discussion, but their sharing was full of transparency, and I began to really long for each of them to encounter Jesus in a fresh way through our time together.  As we talked about the love of God and His unchanging nature despite all our shortcomings, I heard myself saying to the ladies, "You know, God has the power to change our circumstances, and sometimes, that's His way, but more often, it's His desire to change us through our circumstances."  I had to smile as I thought about the pain in my back and the grace (and Motrin!) He'd provided me throughout the day.

At dinner that night, I sat alone with a woman named Maria.  She shared with me about her two young children, and the poor relationship decisions she'd made that brought her to Hope Gardens, not just once but twice.  And, she mentioned at least two other shelters she'd been in previously.  Then, she dropped the real bomb on me.  She was 32 years old -- the age I'd just turned the day before.  The reality of her life nearly broke my heart.  I listened and affirmed the good choices she's made recently, but I went away with a heavy heart.

Friday night was reserved for "Sparky's Rootin' Tootin' Stampede", a variety show made up of skits put on by various Spark team members as well as some Hope Gardens residents.  Our first hurdle, though, was attempting to translate "Rootin' Tootin'"!  We had a big laugh over that one!

By the time we got on the bus that night, I was beginning to experience some relief from the pain in my back, and I slept really well that night.  This was a very good thing, since we were scheduled to spend nearly 2 hours on the bus Saturday morning heading to the Wrightwood Guest Ranch in the nearby mountains.

#SparkLA2010 Day One

I didn't plan to go on this Spark trip.  Even though I had an amazing time in Longview on last year's trip, October is a really bad time for me to be out of town, and I determinedly ignored the repeated email invitations I received to join this year's trip to Hope Gardens Family Center in Los Angeles.  Then, one morning in mid-September, I received a voicemail from Spark's founder, Molly Breitenfeld, telling me she'd been thinking of and praying for me and asking if I'd consider going to L.A. to lead a bilingual small group during the retreat weekend.  This piqued my interest.  A month later, I found myself boarding a plane with nearly 50 other women (there would be 53 total on our team) bound for Los Angeles.

We arrived mid-morning, ate a quick lunch at the hotel, dropped our stuff, and headed to Hope Gardens for "Sparky's Rockin' Rodeo" -- a night of outrageous fun designed for the mom's and their children.  Spark Ministry functions in teams.  We have prayer team, kitchen team, decorations team, gifts team, etc.  The Rodeo Team outdid themselves -- clowns, balloon animals, bounce houses, cotton candy (which I had up to my sleeves before I learned how to use the machine like a pro!), popcorn, snowcones, hot dogs, photo booths, stick ponies, line dancing, etc.  One of the case managers from Hope Gardens referred to us throughout the weekend as "Fun in a Box" and it was never more true than that first night.  We ended the evening with an important Spark tradition, "Spark in the Dark" where we turn out all the lights in a large room, pass out all kinds of glow in the dark toys, and turn up the dance music.  So. Much. Fun.

As we were putting stuff away that night and preparing for the next day, I hopped on the back of a golf cart and rode to the top of a bumpy hill.  I was fine when I got on the cart, but couldn't even stand up straight when I got off of it due to intense pain in my lower back.  It was frightening.  On the bus, my roommate for the weekend, who also happens to be a nurse, handed me some ibuprofen with water, and told me to sit still.  She carried my bag inside for me, and began the process of getting us checked into the hotel.

We had been assigned to a room with two other women, four of us total, sharing two double beds.  I was so tired and in so much pain and all I could think was, "we'll never get any sleep that way."  When we went back up to the front desk to inquire about the possibility of getting a room to ourselves, the lady initially told us the rate would be significantly higher since we would be out from under the Spark group rate, but she would check anyway.  When I gave her my name, she said, "Well, we already have a room reserved for you that nobody has checked into yet."  She rattled off a list of names that were supposed to be our roommates, and we said, "No, that's our small group."  She looked back and said, "Miss Horton, this room is here, under your name, with your group rate, and nobody else is claiming it."  I didn't argue any longer.  We took the keys and headed up the stairs - grateful beyond belief.  My sweet roommate spent some time massaging my aching back with muscle rub before we went to sleep, and I prayed fervently that I'd feel better in the morning ...

Jesus Saves

While God is infinitely creative expressions of grace, Satan is pitifully unimaginative in his ongoing attempts to mitigate the power of the Gospel in my life.  It struck me as sadly comical tonight as I was preparing for my latest adventure with Spark Ministry.  As I folded clothes and gathered toiletries and laid out travel documents, my thoughts were full of the same old doubts and inadequacies and self- ... well, just self.  Bluch!  It's such a frequent thought loop, you'd think I'd be onto his game by now, but unfortunately, I am a slow learner at times.

About the time I was ready to despair, a familiar song came to mind.  The words and melody swirling their way over all my foolish thinking.  Shane & Shane's "Embracing Accusation" ... Could the father of lies be telling the truth to me tonight?  ... Oh, the Devil's singing over me an age old song, That I am cursed and gone astray ... Singing the first verse so conveniently over me ... He's forgotten the refrain ... JESUS SAVES!


It's so true.  Those negative thoughts in my head are powerful because on some level they are all true.  I'm a mess.  I'm totally inadequate and ill-prepared and likely to fail epically on my own.  The problem is, those are only half-truths.  The bigger Truth is what really matters.  I am not on my own.  He who called me is faithful.  It is God who works in me both to will and to act according to His good pleasure.  He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.  Jesus saves!  That's the power of the Gospel.

May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. 

Hebrews 13:20-21

Temper Tantrums

Have you ever seen a two year old get startled in the middle of a full on belligerent temper tantrum?  Picture her: face down, kicking and screaming at the feet of a loving and patient parent determined to wait her out when suddenly something frightens her.  Perhaps it's a big dog or a scary clown or a loud noise.  Whatever it is, she goes from all out fit of defiance to whimpering in that parent's arms in 2 seconds flat.

I sat through a four-hour long meeting today with 8 of my favorite CWJC/CMJC colleagues.  We laughed and teased and worked and hashed out details for upcoming events and made decisions about endowment scholarships.  And, then, as we prepared to close our time together in prayer, one of our colleagues choked out the news that the phone call she'd taken just before our lunch break was her doctor and the word was "malignant."  Suddenly, nothing we had done together all day long seemed to mean anything as we absorbed the impact of our friend's news.

As we encircled her, laying hands on her, crying with her, and praying with all our might for God to comfort, sustain, and HEAL, the lump in my own throat was huge.  I was hurting for my friend.  I was imagining what her 18 year old only child was feeling.

This afternoon, I'm thinking about perspective.  I'm thinking about how many things suddenly meant absolutely nothing in light of the battle my dear friend faces.  I'm thinking how quickly life changes.

I'm also thinking about how foolishly I've been living lately, trudging through my days in prayerlessness, doing my best to teach God a lesson in my silence, my spiritual temper tantrum.  It's so stupid that I can hardly find words to tell you about it.  But, what's ironic to me is that today, when the news was serious and it was bad and it was not what I wanted to hear and definitely not what I would choose, I didn't hesitate to jump into His arms and hold on for dear life.

I'm reminded of John 6, when following Jesus started to get a little tougher for the masses, and many of His disciples began to desert Him, Jesus looked at the 12 and said, "Do you want to leave me, too?" but Peter answers, "Where else would we go?  You have the words of eternal life."

As I absorbed news of my friend's cancer today, my instinct was not to run further from the Lord or to fight harder against Him or look for a new Source, but to run full force into the strong tower of His sovereign goodness.  Today, I don't care about the things I don't understand as much as I long to rest in the one sure thing I know.

  At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:3-7

The Wisdom of Seasons

My Aunt Debbie shared this verse with our family today, and I thought it was a sweet reminder from the Lord.
Psalm 18:28 says, "You, Oh Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light."
I was thinking on this very gray morning as I drove to work about how much I loved the rain when it first began to fall, but now, after several days of rain and thunderstorms (and flat hair and bad traffic), I'm so very ready for some sunshine.  I had to laugh at myself.  I can be so fickle.  Seasons are just another display of God's infinite wisdom, are they not?  Sunshine is so much sweeter when it follows rain.

Where to Find Me - Watermark

Sometimes a song says it best ... 


When the lie is deeper than I know 
You capture me and You carry me home 
You see these wounds and rescue me 
You always heal things beautifully 

And I close my eyes 
And You can still my heart 
And I call out Your name... 
'Cause You always know 
You always know where to find me... 
You always know 
You always know where to find me... 

And where could I wander that You wouldn't be? 
Whom have I but You who really knows me? 
Proven to be the God that sees 
From strength to strength You've lifted me... 

And I could cry from the depths of the earth 
I could stand on a mountaintop 
And I can speak Your name out to the wind 
And You go before me... 
And You fall around me... 

'Cause You always know 
You always know where to find me... 
You always know You always know where to find me...

Amen or Oh Me?

¹ An oracle is within my heart
       concerning the sinfulness of the wicked:
       There is no fear of God
       before his eyes.

² For in his own eyes he flatters himself
       too much to detect or hate his sin.

³ The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful;
       he has ceased to be wise and to do good.

⁴ Even on his bed he plots evil;
       he commits himself to a sinful course
       and does not reject what is wrong.

Psalm 36 pierced me this morning.  Just like I am prone to take passages intended for the church and internalize them for me individually, I’m also guilty of taking passages that highlight the sin in my life and ignore them because they’re addressed to the “wicked” and I prefer to be called “righteous.”  However, this morning, I could not ignore the way this passage highlighted some attitudes in my own dark heart.

I’ve often prayed to know the fear of the Lord and have stated on this blog before that I believe that fearing the Lord means have such a profound desire and commitment to please God that all other fears take second place.  I might fear rejection or ridicule or failure, but never more than I fear failing my Lord.  This passage says that for the wicked, “there is no fear of God before his eyes,” that other fears run their lives and win their affections.  This is true about me every time I choose sin over obedience.

“In his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin.”  Ouch.  This passage cuts like a knife to the core of every sin issue I’ve ever struggled with.  I tolerate sin because I have not learned to hate it.  I tolerate it because I downplay it.  I tolerate it saying it can’t be that bad.  I flatter myself into thinking there couldn’t be a real sin problem.

“The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good.”  This is the thing I dread most when I find myself living more out of the flesh than the Spirit.  Everything I say and do feels tainted by sin, and I never feel right about speaking into another person’s life because I fear I’ll be speaking in my own foolishness rather than the wisdom God promises to give abundantly to all who ask.

“He commits himself to a sinful course and does not reject what is wrong.”  Can I just say UGH!  I wish I could say that most of the sin in my life is not premeditated.  I wish I could say it’s inadvertent.  But, far too often, I’m well aware of my actions and just not concerned enough about it to reject wrong.  I’m too quick to justify evil and super slow to make war against it. 

And just about the time I’m ready to tear my garments in utter defeat, as I begin to recognize how awful the bad news really is, how hopeless I am apart from Christ, the psalmist continues …

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, 
       your faithfulness to the skies.

⁶ Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, 
       your justice like the great deep. 
       O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.

⁷ How priceless is your unfailing love! 
       Both high and low among men 
       find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

⁸ They feast on the abundance of your house; 
       you give them drink from your river of delights.

⁹ For with you is the fountain of life; 
       in your light we see light.

The Manifold Wisdom of God

Last week, when I arrived at community group, Steve had left instructions for us to discuss the importance of unity in the church according to Ephesians 3.

In Ephesians 3, Paul describes his calling to make known the mystery of God.  This mystery that has been hidden for ages is that the Gentiles (non-Jews) are fellow heirs with the Jews, God’s chosen people, of the promises and grace of God.  And, the plan for revealing this mystery to the world?  The church.  Ephesians 3:10 says, “…through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known.”

In our differences.  In our variety.  In our willingness to worship together, unified as joint-heirs of God’s grace, we, the church, demonstrate the manifold wisdom of God.
Paul goes on to say that it is “for this reason …” he bows and prays that they would be strengthened with power, that Christ would dwell richly in their hearts, and that they’d have the ability to grasp the heights and depths of God’s love, filled with the fullness of God.

I’ve ALWAYS loved that part of the chapter, often prayed that for others.  But, only recently did I begin to understand Paul’s heart in that prayer.  His heart is to pray all of those wonderful things for them (for us!) so that they’ll be able to rightly display the manifold wisdom of God.  When we grasp the fullness of Christ at work in us, his willingness and ability to unite us, we more gloriously display Him to the world!

And, the chapter closes with my absolute favorite doxology, “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

I’ve come to realize lately how often I read and internalize passages for myself personally that were never meant for me as an individual.  They were written for the church, for me as a part of the church.  They are best seen and understood through the church.  The beautiful, glorious Bride of Christ.

Are you waiting?

It requires much more courage to stand and wait and still not lose heart or lose hope, to submit to the will of God, to give up opportunities for work and leave honors to others, and to be quiet, confident, and rejoicing while the busy multitude goes happily along their way. - L.B. Cowman

No Shifting Shadows

I was joking with a friend a few weeks ago that I think I have a crush on my neighborhood Walgreens.  It’s just so good to me, makes my life so much easier, and always has a surprise for me when we meet.  This week, however, I think I may have found a serious contender for my affections in Half-Price Books.  I get giddy just approaching the door!  I could spend hours exploring all manner of subjects and never run out of things to discuss.  And, talk about surprises!  I never ever leave there disappointed.  This week, Half-Price was especially good to me.  There was a wonderful new journal covered in brightly colored butterflies (mariposas) that might as well have had my name on it, like it knew the time had come for me to start a fresh book of blank pages.  Next, I went right to the novel I was hoping to find, and as a bonus, found the sequel tucked away on the clearance shelf for just a dollar!  And, for those nights when I just don’t feel like writing or reading, there was Season 1 of ER just waiting to entertain me.  It doesn’t hurt Half-Price’s chances in the competition for my affections that Bueno is close by, either. 

Of course it’s silly to have a crush on or feel romanced by a pharmacy or a bookstore.  I know this.  But, it is great fun to find such delight in such simple pleasures.  And, ultimately, I am reminded that “every good and perfect gift comes down from above, from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17) 

This week, I’ve had a lot of conversations with God that have started out with, “But what about …?”  Questions I just don’t have answers to right now.  Tonight, as I came home with all my simple pleasures and drew a bubble bath, I was reminded of this post from earlier this year.  And, it was as if the Lord said to me, “Kristen, it’s still Me, the One who took great joy in delighting you on that day, in working all the little things together for your good.  I am He.  I am the One providing for this day, too.  I have not changed.  I am every bit as committed to your good.”  I’m pretty sure a deep sigh escaped me as I let that truth roll over my mind and quiet all my questions.  

The Endless Supply

This morning, like most days, I have song lyrics stuck in my head.  What gets stuck in my thought loop varies widely from day to day, but some times, it does me well to pay attention to what's there.  This morning, I find myself humming "I am weary, but I know Your touch restores my life" from the song Hungry.  -- Well, actually, prior to googling the correct lyrics, what I was singing was, "I am weary, but I know Your love does not run dry."  I'm cool and mix verses like that sometimes. --  I have a point, and I'm getting to it, promise.

Just before I got out of my car this morning, I heard Chris Tomlin's Everlasting God on the radio and couldn't help but focus again on the line that says "You won't grow weary."  And, for a month now at least, I've been listening to Matt Redman's You Alone Can Rescue which has two different lines I really love.  The first says, "Our shame was deeper than the sea, Your grace is deeper still," and the second says, " When our hearts were far away, your love goes further still."

So, putting all of these ideas together, here's my point. God's got an endless supply of all that we need.  When I'm weary, His is the touch that empowers me to keep going, gives me life.  When I'm empty, His is a love source that does not run dry.  When I'm at the end of me, He does not get weary.  (That one still baffles me!)  His grace far exceeds my shame.  His love will always outrun my rebellious heart.

Psalm 139:5, "You hem me in before and behind - You have laid your hand upon me." 

Lessons from the Altar

^{Genesis 22:9} When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. ¹⁰ Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. ¹¹ But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied. ¹² "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

Hebrews 11: ¹⁷By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, ¹⁸even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned." ¹⁹Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.

It is not often that I get to experience the agony of laying something I prize on a sacrificial altar. I’ve come to realize there simply are not that many things in my life I cling to with such a fervor that releasing them would equal sacrifice.  Recently, however, I’ve had that opportunity.  After wrestling for far too long with something very valuable to me, I laid it down.  And, I’ve learned just a few things already in the process of surrender.

First, while I could have told you all day long that Jesus is enough, it’s entirely different to make that claim when your hands are still full.  There’s nothing like the moment you let go of all your other prizes and realize He is still enough. Jonah 2:8 says it like this, "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." 

Second, there is great comfort in the character of God.  Sacrifice hurts.   But, there is great comfort in knowing that He is good.  And, He is trustworthy.  He does not call me to painful choices without grand purposes.  I am resting in His good character.  As David Platt says, “God’s sovereignty is our safety.”

Finally, the fear of the Lord means that all other fears must bow to my desire to please Him.  All the wrestling with and clinging to the things I must ultimately lay down comes from a fear of things other than the Lord.  Scripture is replete with promises for those who fear the Lord, and I want to be someone who can claim those promises. When Abraham laid Isaac on that altar, God said, “Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from Me your son, your only son.”

I hope I will not sound heretical if I hypothesize for a moment.  Based solely on my own experience, I do wonder if Abraham’s experience at the altar was not so that God would know for sure where Abraham’s allegiance lay, as much as it was for Abraham to know.  I suspect the Omniscient knew Abraham’s heart, just as I am confident He knows mine.  It is unlikely to me that God learned anything new at that altar.  But, Abraham?  Abraham was probably still unpacking the lessons from that altar on his dying day. 

Romans 4: ²⁰Yet [Abraham] did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, ²¹being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. ²²This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness." ²³The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone,²⁴but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead.

How Are You Living?

We’re living like [God]’s sovereign over all things and loves us deeply as His children. - Matt Chandler

I heard this today, and I was immediately fascinated by the thought, “What does it look like to live like that?”  Am I living like God is sovereign over all things and He loves me deeply as His daughter? 

The combination of realities is so poignant.  God’s sovereignty all by itself can be terrifying, often leaving me feeling helpless and confused.  But God’s sovereignty combined with his prodigious love toward me?  That takes my breath away.  That soothes every ache and calms every fear.  That is the very best kind of news.   It changes everything. 

Leadership Summit 2010: TD Jakes

How do we get that passion that exists in us to infiltrate those we lead?

Church leadership is unique.  People don’t come to follow you.  They come to follow Jesus.  They came to follow Him, but they get stuck with you.

#1 You have to make sure your leadership comes from a divine place.

We cannot be clones when it comes to passion.  It’s not about mimicking other people.  People will get tired of following a cheap copy of a great original.

Success is not maintaining.  People follow people who move, people who take action, people who take risks. I need a sense that I’m on a mission that’s bigger than me.  Make sure the passion doesn’t get diluted or polluted as it flows down. 

When God gives you people to work with you, they are assets right out of His treasure chest.  When God gives you people, He’s given you something He really cares about. 

#2 Make sure that the team around you delivers on the promise that you projected.

Passion is not emotionalism.  Passion is the fuel that makes the engine go.  Passion is the force behind it, the intensity.  I’m not asking you to be emotional.  There’s nothing wrong with being emotional.  There’s something wrong with being led by your emotions, but there’s nothing wrong with being emotional.  Passion is what makes people leap out of bed in the morning.

If you only surround yourself with people who do what you do, they compete with you, but they don’t complete you. 

Teammates are not confidantes. 

Confidantes are people that are for you.  When you’re up.  When you’re down.  When you’re popular.  When you’re not popular.  If you have two or three in a lifetime you are a blessed person.

Constituents.  Constituents are not for you, they are for what you are for.  They work with you and serve and volunteer because they believe in the mission. Don’t try to hold people too tightly who are meant to come and go.

Comrades.  Comrades are against what you’re against.  They’re an asset if you know how to use them.  If you don’t know how to use them, they’ll end up fighting you.   You don’t want to kill the fight, you want to direct them to the target. 

Test: If someone can read a look from across the room, they share your spirit.  You work best with people you read well.  You cannot be lead by people you cannot read because then the job becomes trying to read.

If you’re going to lead like Jesus, you have to be willing to show them your wounds and let them see who you are.  Jesus showed up after the resurrection and did not go to the crowds, he went to the disciples and showed them His wounds.  

The Leadership Summit: Daniel Pink

Daniel Pink – “Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us”

Hypothesis: We all have three drives. 

Biological Drive

Reward/Punishment Drive (If…then rewards)

3^rd Drive: to connect, to be part of something larger than yourself, etc.

If you begin with the wrong assumptions, no matter how hard you work, the endeavor won’t go well.

False assumption #1: Human beings are machines.  If you press the right levers in the right way, people will pretty much do what you want them to do.

False assumption #2: Human beings are blobs – passive and inert.  Truth: We are engaged and active.

Three key elements of motivation:

• Autonomy
• Management
• Management is a technology designed to get compliance.
• Management fundamentally does not lead to engagement.
• Autonomy produces engagement:
• Time - when?
• Team – with whom?
• Task - what?
• Technique – how?
• Mastery
• Purpose

Performance reviews are not authentic conversations.  They are more like North American kabuki theater. :-) 

What pronouns are you using?  Are you a “we” organization or a “they” organization?

Anything good in life begins with a conversation: great romance, great business ventures, great revolutions …

Leadership Summit 2010: Jeff Manion

Okay, so if you've been skipping or skimming my Summit summaries, you should read this one.  I'm just saying ...

Jeff Manion's talk entitled "The Land Between" was quite possibly one of the most moving Summit speeches I've heard to date, and after 3 years of incredible presentations, that's saying something!

The land between, is the part of the journey between here (Egypt) and there (Canaan).  It's the place where our language is liberally sprinkled with "for now."

The land between is fertile soil for complaint. (Numbers 11:1-6)
The problem with the Israelites complaints is that they weren't complaining against circumstances, they were complaining against God.  Their ultimate complaint was that He was not enough.

The land between is also fertile soil for a leadership meltdown. (Numbers 11:11-14)
Throw yourself into spiritual leadership, and you will have moments when you come to the end of yourself.  Often times, we are prepared for disappointment, but we're not always prepared for YEARS of disappointment.

The land between is fertile soil for God's provision. (Numbers 11:16-17)
God's provision for Moses, a broken leader, "Bring me 70 elders ... they will help you ... you will not have to carry the burden alone."  What if God is good?  What if He is gracious?  What if He says, "As you open your hands to release the burden, leave them open to receive the blessing."?
Numbers 11:23, "Is the Lord's arm too short?"  Are you questioning God's character or His competence?

The land between is fertile soil for God's discipline.  (Numbers 11:18-20, 31-34)
Loving parents bring effective and timely discipline on beloved children.  Discipline is inflicting pain for redemptive purposes.  We are naive to think that we are immune from God's corrective hand.  Discipline is pain for the purpose of rescue.

The land between is fertile soil for transformational growth.  (Numbers 11:24-25)
The land between is where God whispers, "I need you to trust Me."  When you travel through the land between, your heart is in danger.  There are choices to be made that will determine who you are in the future.  Moses poured out his heart before God in the land between while the Israelites complained about God there.  The place that you hate is the soil where God can do some of His richest and deepest work.  The space in your life that you most resent is the very soil where God wants to produce the crop we so desperately desire.  Trust evicts complaint.  They are incompatible roommates.

I Know the Peace Maker

³⁵That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." ³⁶Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"  ³⁹He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. ⁴⁰He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" ⁴¹They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

Last week, during our community group discussion at Commons Church, we talked about the fact that authority is the key to peace.  Then I heard a speaker at the Willow Creek Leadership Summit (Have I mentioned I was there last week?) say that “Trust evicts complaint. They are incompatible roommates.” So, my conclusion is this:  When I trust whoever has the authority in a situation, I will know peace without complaint. 

Authority [uh-thor-i-tee] (n.) – the power to determine, adjudicate, or otherwise settle issues or disputes; jurisdiction; the right to control, command, or determine

This morning, I read the passage quoted above from Mark 4, and I was blessed to the core with the reminder that I know the Peace Maker.  Jesus is the Authority.  He can be trusted.  At a time in my life when I often feel like I’ve got more questions than answers, I am thankful for this reminder.  


Speak to storm inside of me and Your voice will calm the sea.
All of my fears completely cease as the storm gives way to peace. 
- Lyrics to Speak to the Storm by Gina Greek Funderburg