Baby Born to Die

Sovereign [sov-rin] - adj., having supreme rank, power, or authority.

This year, I have wrestled like never before with the idea of God's sovereignty.  Whereas once I rested comfortably in the knowledge that "God is in the heavens; He does whatever pleases Him," this year I spent months feeling angry and fearful of that truth.  I found myself asking questions I'd never asked before, such as, "Is God good?"  Is it good that He is in the heavens, able to do whatever pleases Him?  Is what pleases Him always good?  For me, at the heart of it all was a simple question, "Could He be trusted?"

I am grateful to say that over the last couple of months, I've had some truly wonderful conversations with some wise and godly friends and counselors who have helped me wrestle well with those questions, and that my heart has once again found a resting place secure in the knowledge that, "He who did not spare His own Son, how will He not also graciously give to us all things?" (Romans 8:32)

He who did not spare His own Son. Every Christmas it seems that there is one thought or phrase from a verse or lyric from a song that etches itself on my heart and becomes the lens through which I view the holiday season.  This year that refrain has been, "the baby born to die."

It occurs to me that we, in Christian circles, use that phrase rather comfortably as we talk about the Christ-child at this time of year.  But, it is not a casual phrase to be batted around.  A baby born to die?

A mother bravely carries a child to term, knowing her life will be but a breath, yet many come to know the grace and peace of our Savior through their story.  The life of a teenager comes to a senseless end at the hands of a drunk, yet the story of hope and peace is proclaimed boldly in an auditorium full of grieving students.  A young mother receives a terminal diagnosis and determines to live out every last day with gratitude to the Life-giver, and her legacy is a celebration of life without end.  A beloved pastor, still young, dies suddenly in his sleep, and his congregation rallies around his life-long passion for the message of Christ and in his death, a new fervor for the spread of the gospel is born.

None of us would dare to label any of these, "a baby born to die."  But, weren't they?  Didn't Sovereign God is his all-knowing goodness ordain every one of their moments on this earth and determine to use everything surrendered to Him for their good and His glory?  If we can be so comfortable with the idea that He would send His only begotten Son to live and to die as the ultimate gift for us, for our good, then why is it so difficult for us to trust that everything else He does or allows will also work out only for our good?

As I reflect on this last year, as I look back on my deepest struggle to rest at peace with God and His mysterious ways, the manger and the incarnation have provided such precious and powerful reminders that His ways are so very different from and far superior to my own.  The baby born to die is also the very good King who came to rule.

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. - Galatians 4:4-7

Listening to: Born to Die by Shane and Shane

November 14: I am grateful for the confidence of knowing that "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world," I John 4:4 ... The week leading up to a SPARK trip is always difficult, filled with stress, illness, and all manner of distraction.  This one was no different, but after all we survived on the Seattle trip, I was keenly aware that no matter what the enemy had for us, God's plan and purpose would prevail!

November 15: I am grateful for accountability, for godly women who pray hard for me, ask me tough questions, and speak Truth faithfully. ... I have some of the most amazing journey-partners, and Tuesday mornings, I get to sit down with one of them over steaming cups of coffee and just feast on God's faithfulness with her.  When I think of all that these women have faithfully walked with me through, I am in awe.  They are a beautiful picture of Christ's grace in my life.

November 16: I am grateful when I pray, "Unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all we could ask or imagine," He answers.  ... I got to see my dear friend and college roommate, Dodie, last Wednesday night.  Her friendship is such a constant reminder to me that I asked for just a little and got a whole lot!  If God is so generous to me in answering the prayer of a teenage girl for a godly roommate, I believe I can count on Him to be generous in all things.

November 17: I'm grateful for SPARK, for the blessing of traveling with, serving with, and learning from a team only God could assemble. ... I've written more than a few blog posts about SPARK Ministry and what an incredible joy and gift and honor and blessing it is to serve on that team.  Life changing.

November 18: I am grateful for volunteers, men and women who serve out of calling and passion with a heart for showing Jesus to others. ... The best part of my job in volunteer management is getting to watch others come alive as they exercise the gifts God's given them to bless others and point toward Him.  

November 19: I am grateful for Thanksgiving, a season in which we focus on the gratitude we should be cultivating year round! ... Lots of people have been mocking everyone's thankful posts as it seems to be the "cool thing" to do on facebook right now, but I love them.  I love seeing what others are grateful for, and I love being reminded that I have so much for which to give thanks.  

November 20: I am grateful for community, that God didn't leave us to walk this journey alone, but surrounds us with fellow travelers. ... Commons Church celebrated Thanksgiving together on Sunday night with an all out feast.  After a weekend full of serving with Spark in Houston, I didn't think my heart could get any fuller, but walking into that room and trying to take in all of the faces of people who've become so dear to me just about did me in.  What a joy to and blessing to do life with such lovely people. 

November 21: I am grateful for @Lewey11, her faithful friendship, loving admonitions, and patient listening ear. #myperson ... Angela and I both managed to have our Christmas gifts for one another early this year, so we decided to hurry up and celebrate before the busyness of the holidays crowded out the joy of it all.  We spent the entire day laughing, talking, walking the mall, shopping for Addison.  

November 22: I am grateful for music "He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God that many will see and fear ..."Psalm 40:3 ... Music is powerful.  Whatever your tastes in music, you can't deny that it gets stuck in your head and in your heart.  I love that as the Lord draws me near to Him, the song in my heart shifts and the words on my lips become praises.  

November 23: I am grateful for children - especially that my life is full of so many cute ones I get to love on and spoil then send home! ... I have some of the most adorable adopted nieces and nephews. I love watching my friends and cousins become parents and grow right along with their sweet babies.  I love seeing God's grace poured out on a new generation.  

November 24: I'm grateful that in all things God is working good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose. Rom 8:28 ... This Thanksgiving, I am grateful most of all that God wastes nothing.  He is a redeemer, and He takes every mess I've ever made, unravels it, and repurposes it for my good and His glory. 

November 12 and 13: Weekend

November 12: I am grateful for the Barretts and the Hortons. My extended family includes some of my best friends and favorite people.  Yesterday, I sat in the stands at Lions Stadium in Plano with my mom, dad, cousin Daisy, and nephew-cousins Daniel, Nathan, and Joshua as we cheered on the PCA Lions and their offensive coordinator, my cousin Steven.  And, we texted the rest of the family with each score to make sure they felt like part of the action.  Today, I drove back to Plano for the afternoon, to spend some time with my Mimi and my aunt Susan and uncle Tracey.  We talked about life and ministry and church and I got updates on the rest of my cousins from that side of the family.  This weekend came with some great reminders that I am abundantly blessed with a family I don't just love but also like!

November 13: I am grateful for salvation. "For when we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the unrighteous..." Romans 5:6  I've been reminded a lot lately that salvation is completely a work of God's unmerited favor from beginning to end.  He saved me when I was still helpless, unrighteous, dead in my sins and trespasses (Ephesians 2:1-10; Romans 5:6-8).  Words will never be enough to express gratitude for so great a gift, only obedience will truly do.

November 11: Veteran's Day

November 11: I am grateful that when I start trying to name names the list of veterans I have to thank is too long for a status post.  I didn't grow up in a military family, nor in a military town.  My grandfather and one of my uncles were veterans, but it wasn't something we talked about, so it wasn't something I gave much thought.  In the last couple of years, two close friends have joined the military, and I have had opportunity to witness their sacrifice and the sacrifice of their families in a very personal way.  And now, as I truly sit and consider my family and friends, many of whom served long before I knew them, my perspective is greatly changed.  This Veterans' Day, my heart swells with gratitude as I understand with much greater clarity how very high a price has been paid by the men and women of our armed forces.  

It's My Blog and I'll Ramble If I Want To

It's Thanksgiving Month.  I love all the posts on Facebook and Twitter about what people are grateful for each day.  So far, I've limited myself to just 140 Twitter characters in my expressions of gratitude, but today, I want to elaborate.  So, I came here.

November 1:  I am grateful for God's stubborn pursuit of my undivided heart.  I kicked this month off sitting in a counselor's office discussing the fact that God is never satisfied with any portion or percentage of my heart and obedience.  He knows that I will only be truly happy when I am fully surrendered to His good, pleasing and perfect will, and He does not rest until my heart toward Him is undivided.

November 2:  I am grateful for 5 "never-a-dull-moment" years of work and ministry at Cornerstone Assistance Network.  This was my first full-time ministry position.  I was young and fresh out of seminary, idealistic, and completely green.  This job has taken me so many places I never knew existed, introduced me to so many fascinating people, harsh realities, and beautiful testimonies.  I work with an amazing team of people all committed to fulfilling God's call on their lives through serving the poor.  I am blessed.

November 3: I am grateful for seasons. No matter how long and hot summer is, fall and winter eventually bring a cool reprieve. A lot like life. The long, hot, dry summer seemed to mirror my very dry soul.  It's been a long, dry season spiritually that seemed interminable, but almost perfectly coinciding with the temperature reprieve outside a sweet sweeping sensation of the Spirit's presence began to refresh my soul.

November 4: I am grateful simple things brighten a day, like having money left on a Starbuck's gift card for a peppermint mocha. When I was growing up, my dad used to say, "If you get everything you want now, what will you have to look forward to?" My life is rich and blessed, but it is not extravagant.  It's simplicity leaves plenty of room for joy in simple pleasures.  I love that a drive-thru the coffee shop and treating myself to a hot flavored coffee still has the ability to delight me.

November 5: I am grateful for rich friendships. Today I'll be with people who have walked closely and done life with me for a very long time. Last Saturday provided a rare opportunity to spend time with two different friends from two different seasons, and I was keenly aware of how fortunate I am to be surrounded by people who are not content to sit on the surface of my life but swim boldly into the depths with me.

November 6: I am grateful for the years and family God provided at Wedgwood Baptist Church and for the beauty He's brought me at Commons Church. I am blessed by two incredible bodies of believers. I joined Commons Church because I believed it was a door to community God was opening for me. I found an opportunity to do life and ministry and experience the joys of seeking the Kingdom of God together through this beautiful family in ways I had not yet known.  I recognize, though, that the incredible family at Wedgwood and the years I spent there were training ground for this season, and I am so thankful for the love and support of that training, sending church.

November 7: I am grateful for family and friends who generously support the work and ministry God has called me to do. Next week, I'll depart on my fifth SPARK mission trip.  I love these trips and this ministry, and as much as I love what God does through us in the lives of the women we serve, I am always humbled by what He does in me as I go.  This trip, I did not send out any support letters or request, yet by the first of this week, my entire trip was covered by generous family and friends who simply said, "God put in on my heart to give." That kind of affirmation is priceless.

November 8: I am grateful for the women in my Monday night Community Group and how God enriches my life through their fellowship. I spend Monday evenings with a really beautiful gathering of women.  Married moms, single moms, singles, grandmothers ... it's awesome.  Every week, no matter how tired I am when I get home from work or how much I wish I could just curl up at home rather than drive across town, I am always blessed by my time with them, their words of wisdom and encouragement, and their insights into Scripture and the character of God never cease to speak to me.

November 9: I am grateful that "The Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, able to rightly divide between soul and spirit, even joints and marrow, able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart," and for old Truths being made new in me. As that sweet refreshing wind of the Spirit has begun to blow again in my soul, I have been swiftly reminded of the power of God's Word, how it quenches my thirst, and satisfies my hunger like nothing else can.  I am grateful that things I may have known or memorized long ago can be made fresh as they are newly and rightly applied to my life.

November 10: I am grateful for my pastor and his wife and how they sacrificially love and serve me, our church, and this community.  It's a new experience for me to have a pastor who I also call friend.  As I spend time with him and his wife and family, I am so blessed by their willingness to sacrifice home and comfort and security and so much more to be here, to follow God's call, to serve this community.  I learn so much from and am challenged frequently by their example.

Birthday Week Playlist

I know you're all just dying to know what I'm listening to this week!

1. Rolling In the Deep - Adele - "I can't help feeling we could have had it allllllllll ..."
2. Kick Drum Heart - The Avett Brothers - "It's not the chase that I love; it's me following you!"
3. Autumn - Ben Rector - "And you can't see the Spring till you're like the leaves here on the autumn ground."
4. Put Your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae - "You go ahead, let your hair down"
5. Stepping Stone - Duffy
6. Twenty Something - Graham Colton (wishful thinking, I know!)
7. Rivers and Roads - The Head and The Heart
8. Friends, Lovers or Nothing - John Mayer "There can only be one."
9. Lost and Found - Katie Herzig "Oh, I'm worn by the war in me"
10. Always Be This Way - Martina McBride
11. Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5 (that one's for AddieGirl)
12. Breakfast In Bed - Train "You're better than punk rock cred."
13. Slumber - Needtobreathe "glory's waiting outside your windows"
14. Brown Haired Daughter - Old 97's - "I'm afraid that this is the real thing"
15. I Love You But I Don't Know What to Say - Ryan Adams
16. Just As I Am - Shaun Groves - "I come to the Thief who's robbed every tomb!" 

The Mirror of God's Word

He's still working on me
To make me what I oughta be
Took Him just a week to make the moon and stars
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars
How loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still working on me!

Some of you (a very small few of you) are now humming a happy little tune you haven't heard in years.  You're welcome.

There's a verse that goes with that song that says,

In the mirror of His Word
Reflection that I see
Makes me wonder why He never gave up on me ...

I've been thinking a lot about that mirror lately.  Our church has been working through the book of Genesis since early summer, and about the time we hit Genesis 12, I started getting really fidgety.  As week after week Steve extolled God's faithfulness, I began to see myself in Abraham's repeated failure to keep covenant.  It was as though he was holding up a mirror, forcing me to take a good, hard look at myself.

This week, we got to Genesis 22.  Abraham binds his only son, the child God promised him, the child he waited YEARS to have, on an altar and raises his knife to sacrifice him, an offering of incalculable worth. We read and heard and talked about Abraham's faith.  His unwavering obedience.  And, I didn't get it.  I felt frustrated all over again.  I could identify with the liar and the cheater and the laugher.  But, this guy that hears he's supposed to sacrifice his only son and gets up EARLY the next morning, chops some wood, and sets out on a three-day journey up a mountain?  Yeah, no.

I want to whine about it awhile.  I have whined about it awhile.  Why must following God be so stinking hard?  Why must He demand so stinking much?  Why is it never enough until He's got our everything?  Why does He let us taste the promise only to ask for it back?

Listening to the discussion during a community group meeting last night, it hit me.  Isaac wasn't the fulfillment of the promise.  He was a taste of the promise.  He was the tip of the iceberg.  We want to focus on Isaac because he looks like the fulfillment to us, the long awaited child.  But, the promise wasn't for a son, the promise was for a nation that would outnumber the stars, multitudes.

I stubbornly cling to an idol, to a promise, to what I think is the fulfillment (or maybe the betrayal) of a promise never realizing that it's only a taste of the immeasurably more than all I could ask or imagine God longs to reap through my life.


And because of Abraham’s faith, God counted him as righteous.And when God counted him as righteous, it wasn’t just for Abraham’s benefit. It was recordedfor our benefit, too, assuring us that God will also count us as righteous if we believe in him, the one who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. Romans 4:22-24

Believe Me Now

Music is powerful.  Just a few familiar notes can instantly transport me to another time and place entirely.

This morning, I thought it would be fun to put my entire music collection on "shuffle all" and just see what happened.  I was so buried in my work that the music faded until it was just part of the background noise.  Most of the first few songs were recently familiar, my mind didn't have to think hard or travel far when hearing them.

But, then I had such a strange experience.  My body/emotions reacted to it so quickly my mind had to catch up.  As the very familiar lines of Steven Curtis Chapman's (I know! I know!) "Believe Me Now" played over my speakers, I was suddenly blinking back tears.  What in the world?!?

I was a brokenhearted girl in her mid-20's who had just climbed back into her own car after crying her way through an entire worship service.  I was broken in such a way that I no longer recognized myself, and all of the things I thought I'd known had become so foreign. And, I was being called to something that felt impossible.  I was surrendered, but I was terrified and terribly lonely.  I got in my car, cranked the engine, and the first lines of an unfamiliar song filled the empty space. The lyrics spoke so specifically to all that I was wrestling with that I honestly wondered if God Himself had invaded my radio and was singing directly to me.

I know that you don't have the strength to fight
But do you have the faith to stand? 
and Believe Me now
Believe Me here
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you


I know all the fears you're feeling now
But do you remember who I am?
Do you believe Me now?
Believe Me here


I am the God who never wastes a single hurt that you endure
My words are true, and all My promises are sure
So believe Me now


That song didn't fix or change a single thing about my circumstances in that season, but it did serve as a beautiful reminder to me of God's character and that no matter what I thought or felt, I was not alone or broken beyond repair.  Today, with the familiar words and sounds, the conviction of that truth came rushing back.  The sweetness and intimacy of that dark moment sitting alone and feeling fully known and seen by my Creator.  And, the reminder that He is today exactly who He was on that day.

... I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.  - I Timothy 1:12

WCAGLS: Steven Furtick Session Six Takeaways

Takeaway One: Thank God for everything before asking Him for anything.

So what?:  I will continue to develop the discipline of gratitude.  I will work to recognize the every day graces of life and thank God for them, recognizing that if He never did another thing for me, I've already been blessed beyond all measure.

Takeaway Two: We can get excellent teaching and gather excellent teams, but "only God can make it rain."  I can't expect God's blessing on my work unless I do it God's way. (2 Kings 3:9-20)

So what?  All of my best efforts to grow and develop and cultivate leadership are in vain apart from the power of God poured through my life.  I will quit believing that I can accomplish anything of eternal value in my own pitiful strength, wit, or wisdom.

Takeaway Three: If the size of the vision that you have for your ministry isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance that it's insulting to God.  Noah looked stupid building a boat ... until the rain came.

So what?  I will repent of small dreams.  I will repent of doubt.  I will ask God to fill my heart and my dreams with things that only He can accomplish.

WCAGLS: Seth Godin Session Five Takeaways

Takeaway One: If you want to do work that matters, you don't have to do it by yourself.  People long to be in sync, and they need someone to show up and lead them.

So what?:  I will quit throwing pity parties for the lonely leader and assuming that I must work as a long ranger.  I will work to rally others around a common mission to accomplish Kingdom-sized tasks.

Takeaway Two: Art is the risky human act of doing something you haven't done before for someone else with someone else.  Mass production leads not just to interchangeable parts but also to interchangeable people.

So what?  I will quit working so hard at fitting in and choose to do and be the things that make me original.  And, I will celebrate originality in others.  I will look for the people who are being effective by doing something unique and encourage them to keep moving forward.

Takeaway Three: We are constantly looking for a reason not to do our art, not to put ourselves on the line.

So what?  I will practice being someone who looks for reasons and ways to say "yes." To myself and to others. My favorite leaders and coworkers are those who consistently come up with new ways to say "yes" rather than the frustration of those who give me ten different reasons why something won't work before they've even tried it.

Bonus: If all you can offer in your institution is that you're the "local" church, it's not going to get you where you want to go.  Quit bowling.  Bowling is not an exciting spectator sport.  It's borning and the goal is perfection.  What people talk about, what spreads the word is something people don't expect.  Nobody talks about a brown cow.  The only cow people talk about is a purple one.  


If failure is not an option, then neither is success.  It's impossible to do art without failure.

WCAGLS: Brenda Salter McNeil Session Four Takeaways

Takeaway One: The next generation of emerging leaders are global by default.

So what? I can no longer claim ignorance of the problems and challenges facing the world, especially other believers around the world.  There is no excuse for not being informed.  There is no excuse for not doing something.

Takeaway Two: The mandate is to take the message of the Gospel of the Kingdom across cultural thresholds. 

So what? The promise of Acts 1:8 is that the Holy Spirit will empower believers to cross cultural divides.  I have access to the power that enables me to affect change in those who look and think and act like me (Jerusalem), in those who look like me but think and act differently (Judea), and in those with whom I have no obvious commonality and potentially some hostility (Samaria).

Takeaway Three: We need Christian leaders who do not view these seismic shifts in our world as catastrophes, but as catalytic events.  Summon your courage and interpret for the people you lead that God is not dead; He is alive, and He is able.

So what? It is not my job as a Christian leader to wring my hands in worry, fear, and doubt, nor to throw them up in despair.  It is my job as a Christian leader to recognize that people in need of rescue are ripe for the message of a Savior.  I will be ready and willing to preach Jesus in the most unlikely circumstances.

WCAGLS: Cory Booker Session Three Takeaways

I became acutely aware of something about myself during Mayor Booker's session.  I have a deeply held suspicion of charismatic leaders.  Perhaps it is simply that I have been described as a charismatic leader from time to time, yet I am well acquainted with my own flaws and the temptation to use charm to distract from them.  Whenever I sense myself being caught up and carried away by the passionate articulations of a well-spoken orator, something deep inside of me presses hard on the brakes and I pull up short.  Mayor Booker gave an excellent address full of many rich sound-bites.  He is a gifted and passionate communicator.  I am grateful having had the opportunity to hear him today, but I had to laugh at myself for how stubbornly my mind refused to fully engage in the energy of the moment.

Soundbite One: You drink deeply from wells of freedom and opportunity that you did not dig.  You have a choice.  Will you grow dumb, fat, and happy consuming what you did not provide for yourself?  Or will you stand up from the banquet table your ancestors prepared and metabolize your blessings to move forward.

So what?  I will make a conscious choice to make the most of what was handed to me.  I am often most proud of the things I've accomplished for myself, but I will practice demonstrating greater awareness of and gratitude for the gifts that are pure graces provided by the work and sacrifice of others who came before me.

Soundbite Two: What you see in the world is less a matter of the facts that are there than a reflection of who you are and the attitude of your heart.


So what?  When I begin to lose sight of hope, I will remember that hope rightly placed in God does not disappoint.  I will strive to cultivate a heart and attitude toward the world that reflects His heart and love for the world.

Soundbite Three: Don't trip over people God has put right in front of you for a purpose. 


So what?  I will pray for God to use me each and every day however He sees fit, and I will not complain when He gives me opportunities to be a blessing, a bodily extension of His hands and feet to others ... even others that don't fit into my schedule or my sensitivities.

WCAGLS: Len Schlesinger Session Two Takeaways

Takeaway One: Failure doesn't mean game over. It means, try again ... with experience.

So what?  I hate to fail.  Hate it.  I mean, 99% of the time I won't try something I might be bad at doing.  I live a very safe (aka: boring) life most of the time.  I fear the stigma of failure.  I fear the misery of failure.  I fear the defeat of failure.  I hate to fail.  But, I've lived long enough to know there's not really any other way to  succeed but to endure some failure.  I will strive not to fear failure but to embrace it as an opportunity to learn and to do better with the next attempt.  I will not be paralyzed by the fear of failure.  I will continue to attempt new and greater things despite my fear.

Takeaway Two: Nobody can ride one business model through the life of his career.  Adapt.


So what?  It is okay if what once worked is no longer effective.  It doesn't mean it never worked.  It's okay to embrace new ideas and change.  A very wise 78 year old woman reminded me earlier this week, "All that is old is not bad, and all that is new is not good; neither is all that is old good, or all that is new bad."

Takeaway Three: In the face of unknowability (an uncertain future), rational behavior requires small steps based on what you've got in hand.  Start with what you care about.

So what?  Doing something is better than doing nothing.  I don't know what my organization or program looks like a year from now, but I do know who and what I have been given today, and I can move forward tomorrow with those provisions.  I exhaust myself (and many around me) with my attempts to see the future.  Rather than worrying about what might happen down the road, I can move forward by concerning myself with finding firm ground for the very next step in front of me.

WCAGLS: Bill Hybels Session One Takeaways

Every year my faithful blog readers endure with me through a series of posts from a Leadership Conference that makes me absolutely giddy.  It fills my head with so many profound thoughts and fuels my passion for leadership in ways that make me a little dangerous at times.  Normally, I just use these posts to regurgitate my notes, but I thought this year, I'd try to process my thoughts out a little further for you and tell you what I actually hope to do with all this wonderful and glorious information.

The only Leadership Summit faculty member you can count on hearing from year after year is Bill Hybels, and the reality is, he is by far the best of them all.

Takeaway One:  Leaders need to be incurable, insatiable learners.  When a leader stops learning, he stops leading.

So What?:  This year I did something I've never done.  I created a reading list at the start of the year.  And, I've kept track of what I'm reading.  I renewed my library card, and I've availed myself of all the riches available through Fort Worth's very excellent library system.  And, in the process, I'm becoming a better leader, and yet, I find myself wishing I had the ability to consume more, especially true stories about the ordinary lives of courageous men and women.  They remind me that I am not alone when I come up against difficult days.  I will continue to make the most of every opportunity to learn.

Takeaway Two:  Part of my job as a leader is to look problems straight in the eye, call them what they are, not be intimidated by them, arrest them, and put them on a new curve.


So what?  I will quit complaining that leadership is hard.  That's a given.  In my lines of work and ministry, problems most often come in the form of people.  I will quit acting surprised when problems arise.  I will deal honestly and directly with them with a commitment to a gracious and generous love for every individual.

Takeaway Three: How you finish is how you'll always be remembered.


So what?  With God's help, I will not be remembered for being a slow starter.  I will not be remembered for the years I've wasted.  I will not be remembered for all the times I fail (I will fail plenty and often).  I will be remembered for boldly following Him and being used by Him to love and live courageously.  I will strive to make each year of leadership better than the last, and to be remembered as one who consistently pointed others to Christ.

Homesick

I don't think about heaven enough.
And, I really don't write about it enough.
This week, I can't help but think about it.

Right now, friends are travelling back from Ethiopia where they hoped to meet the children their hearts have already claimed.
Right now, friends are praying anxiously for the health of a baby boy suffering from Malaria in the Congo, a baby boy they've already named, the son of their hearts.
Right now, a sister is weeping over the brokenness of her father who is once again in the grips of alcoholism.
Right now, a sister sits by the bedside of her 33 year old husband who has not breathed on his own for nearly three weeks, his body ravaged by an unknown infection.
Right now, a family grieves the sudden loss of a husband, father, grandfather.
Right now, a family wrestles with difficult choices as their savings dwindles to nothing and they wait prayerfully for news from the latest round of job interviews.
Right now, a sister makes a choice every single day to work hard, stay clean and prays nothing happens to prevent her 8 month old daughter from being returned to her custody next week.
Right now, a brother prays that someone will look past the things he's done and see who he is and give him a real chance to build a life on this side of the bars.
Right now, a pastor battered by the humanity of his most recent congregation prays for a new direction for himself and his family.
Right now, a soldier endures separation from his loved ones, scorching heat, and hostile enemies.
Right now, a mother prays moment by moment for a miraculous demonstration of provision to meet her family's most basic needs.

And, I don't just think about heaven or write about heaven.
I long for heaven.

For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 

2 Corinthians 5:4

Sweeter Than the Day Before

July 13. I've written about it here and here and here.

I'm hard-pressed this year to find a fresh way to talk about it. Yet, I'm unwilling to let it go by unheralded.

I think, this year, perhaps more than ever, I am aware of just how much life in Christ is the extravagant grace of God poured out on me. See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (I John 3:1)

My life is not at all about me. It really is ultimately God's story. His grace. His willingness to pour out Christs' blood, to accept that sacrifice in place of the insurmountable debt of my sin. It's about His faithful covenant-keeping despite all of my weaknesses and failures. It's about His ability to make beauty from ashes, to use what would otherwise be useless for the sake of declaring His glory. He alone is worthy, and He alone gets all the praise for any good in me. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. (Ephesians 1:7-10)

I no longer feel like a child. I no longer feel ashamed of how old I am or how long we've walked together. I only look toward the days ahead and pray that with each passing year, you would see less and less of me and more and more of Him. ... the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. (Colossians 1:26-28)

Things I Learned from Big Dave

1.  Always do what you know to be right.

2.  Sometimes nice guys pretend to be jerks.  Ignore what he says; watch what he does.

3.  Sports announcers on the radio are better than the ones on TV.

4.  Football is cool.  (I won't repeat what he taught me about soccer.)

5.  Honor your father and mother. (Loved listening to him call his own Dad this morning!)

6.  Defensive driving is good. Offensive driving is better.

7.  Old people are cool and tell great stories. Value the wisdom of those who've walked before you.

8.  Cherish opportunities to be with those you love. "It will never be just like this again."

9.  Investing in people reaps lasting rewards.

10. Be kind and compassionate, forgiving one another just as Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

God Has Brought Me Laughter

Mother's Day this year was harder on me than I expected it to be.  Normally, the "stress" of Mother's Day is finding an appropriate way to honor the woman who gave me life and let me live through those teen years and became my close friend and confidante.  This year, my thoughts were a bit more inward.

At 32 and single, this was the first year I was truly tempted to grieve on Mother's Day, tempted to throw myself a pity party over the idea that Mother's Day may never be my day.  It sounds weird, I know, especially for my male readers.  Stick with me, I promise this post isn't about my ticking bio-clock.  Promise.  The thing is, I've said repeatedly over the years that I am not even sure I want to have kids. I'm a little afraid I'd be terrible at motherhood, but I guess, because of the selfish brat that I am (further proof I'd probably be a bad mom), I want the option.  I want it to be MY choice, not a choice that's made for me by the passing of years.

I didn't give in to the temptation to grieve.  I didn't wallow.  In fact, as I talked these thoughts over with a friend that Sunday night, I told her I was fairly certain that as soon as I give in and let myself have a pity party over something I'm not even sure I want and something I definitely can't control, God will step in and show me how big and how good He is by satisfying all of my desires with good things (Psalm 103:5) and make me feel ridiculous.  It would be something I'd have to laugh at myself over, and everyone else would laugh to, and say, "See?! Told you so!"

The very next morning, our Bible study lesson from Kelly Minter's No Other Gods study came from Genesis 16, the story of Sarah, and the dangers of trying to fulfill God's promises in our own folly.  In case your memory's fuzzy, Sarah's the one who didn't have kids, but God has promised her husband Abraham that he would be the father of many nations.  Sarah gets tired of waiting on God to open her aging womb, so she tells her husband to sleep with her maid Hagar. Hagar, of course, gets pregnant right away and family chaos ensues.  Sarah is every bit as unhappy and dissatisfied as before.  Then, the lesson had us look a few chapters over, in Genesis 21, God fulfills His promise to Abraham through Sarah, and she gives birth to a son, Isaac.  This was a very familiar story, and if you'd asked me, I may have even known what the name Isaac meant, but reading it on the heels of the previous evenings lament, it took on such a sweet personal significance.  Sarah named the promised baby Isaac, meaning laughter, and she said, "The Lord has brought me laughter, and all who hear it, will laugh with me."  (Genesis 21:6)

Sarah's words, recorded in ancient scripture were so similar to my own that I had to sit and just marvel.  I have no idea what God's got in store for my life. I have no idea if it includes marriage or children or a life time of serving him with all the freedom singleness offers, but I believe with everything in me that when the story is told I will laugh (probably loudly) with joyful delight over how well God fulfills His plans for my life.  He who does exceedingly, abundantly beyond all I ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20) has never failed me.

The Lord is my strength; He will make my feet like deer's feet, and He will make me walk on high hills. Habakkuk 3:19

For you make me glad, Lord, by your deeds; I sing for joy at what your hands have done for me. 

Psalm 92:4

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 

Proverbs 31:25

Great Day's Should Be Remembered

My heart is very happy this afternoon.  These are the things I want to remember about this day:

1. Early morning. My day started unintentionally early.  I was awake long before my alarm went off.  I made a quick trip to an uncrowded grocery store, then came home, cleaned up and enjoyed an unhurried time with my Bible and a cup of coffee.  It was nothing short of delightful.

2.  Memorial Day Brunch. Everyone else plans Memorial Day bar-b-ques, but we planned a Memorial Day brunch.  It's basically an excuse to get friends together, fix an awesome mid-morning meal, and have the rest of the day left to play.  The idea seemed strange to me when I first heard it, but having experienced my first Memorial Day Brunch, I think I'm hooked.  French Toast, scrambled eggs, waffles, fruit salad, kolaches, sausage, and mimosas?  Yes, please!

3.  Pool Time.  I really love an afternoon by the water with a good book, and the company of good friends is like icing on the cake.  My apartment pool is particularly entertaining to me because about 2:00 p.m., it starts to look like a scene from MTV Spring Break.  It's a little out of control, but it's some great people watching.  I also love any setting with friends where there's opportunity for lazy, rambling conversation that may or may not lead to profound discoveries.  And, listening to the college kids beside us try to figure out Bill Clinton was impeached or not (and what exactly impeachment is) was priceless.

4.  Afternoon nap.  The best follow up to pool time is a cool shower, lots of lotion, and a few hours of free time before evening plans.  One of my favorite things is laying under a blanket while my hair's still wet and allowing myself the luxury of doing nothing for an hour or two before I finish getting dressed.

5.  Community Group.  I appreciate that the women in our Monday Night Community Group love one another and the study of God's Word so much that they didn't want to take the week off.  I love being with them, learning from them, and the privilege of speaking into their lives.

Today is, of course, Memorial Day, a day set aside to honor the memories of the men and women who've served our country's armed forces and defended our freedoms.  I am deeply moved this year by that notion, particularly at the thought of two very dear brothers and their current military service.  It's so easy as I go through my regularly scheduled life not to think about what thousands of families are sacrificing daily to provide such comfort and ease for the rest of us.  May we never forget.

Chase the Lion

"Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Grab life by the mane. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God.Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion." 

- Mark Batterson