Expectations

Recently, the idea was raised that perhaps it is our expectations that get us into trouble in life and with the Lord.  We pray with an expected outcome in mind, and we are disappointed when something other than what we imagined best comes to pass.  One friend stated that it is his practice to pray without expectation.  To say that this bothered and confounded me would be putting it mildly.  I’ve continued to chew on this thought for several weeks now.

In one sense, praying without expectations sounds good to me. It definitely sounds safe to me, and my closest friends will tell you that I almost always choose "safe" when it comes to my emotions.  If I don’t have expectations, I can’t be disappointed.  I hate being disappointed.  I can flow along life’s crooked stream without questioning the path or the length of the journey.  I will not wrestle with any pesky impediment because I had no expectation for the path to be smooth.

In thinking along these lines, I wrote the following thoughts last week …

If my life’s joy is wrapped up in a specific answer from God, I’m likely to be sorely disappointed over and over again.  If, however, He Himself is my joy and delight, the answer is inconsequential.  When He is my hope, I’m not praying for a job; I’m praying for provision.  I’m not praying for a mate; I’m praying for contentment.  I’m not praying for physical healing; I’m praying for God’s glory to be displayed through suffering or His power to be displayed through miraculous intervention.  I’m not praying for the waiting to end; I’m praying that I am formed more and more into the likeness of Christ. My eager hope and expectation is not in the answer but in the One who provides the answer.  I do not pray hoping that He will be good, but knowing that He is good and asking Him to reveal that goodness.  

When I pray with only my idea of what is good in mind, I will likely never know how many better things I’m leaving on the table.  The same psalmist who wrote, “The nearness of God is my good,” also wrote, “God is near to the brokenhearted.”  Sometimes, good is a broken heart that brings us near to God.  Until I have accepted that truth, I have not fully put my hope in Him.  And, until I value that nearness of God more than I value my own circumstantial happiness, I am willing to settle for far less than best. 

So, I began trying to pray that way.  The problem was, I sounded vague and distant even to my own ears. The best/worst analogy I can come up with for this is dating.  I hate dating.  I think it’s miserable and terrifying.  We spend time, money, and emotion getting to know someone, slowly pealing back all the layers of our protective personal walls, revealing our true selves to another person, knowing with each revelation that there’s the potential for someone to say, “Yeah, that’s too much. That’s going to be more than I want to work through. See ya.”  It’s agonizing.  And, when it’s over, and we rebuild those walls we’d taken down, we add another layer to protect us from the next one.  

As a result of that attitude toward dating, I tend to approach relationships with men without expectations.  I am guarded and vague and always fun and light-hearted and easy going.  If hurt, I deal with it at home.  If angry, I step away, re-evaluate and decide if I want to get over it or just put more space between me and the person who angered me. So far, it’s been a very safe (and lonely) way to go through life.  I don’t get hurt often, but that’s generally because I never give anyone enough of myself for him to truly be able do any damage.  

Sometimes, when God has not done things the way I wanted (expected) Him to do them, I’ve taken the same approach.  I back off, tell Him less about my feelings and hopes, let Him do His thing while I do mine, and tell myself it’s better that way. I mean, He is God and He's going to get His way anyway, right? A relationship without expectations. 

The problem with that approach is Scripture always gets in my way.  “…in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God …” “… pour out your heart to Him, O people …” “Call to Me and I will show you great and mighty things that you do not know.” “He who comes must believe that God is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him diligently.” “If we ask anything according to His will, we know that He hears us and if He hears us, we know that we have whatever we ask.” “Ask, and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened.”

You and I have been invited to intimacy with the Lord.  He’s welcomed us to pour out our hearts before Him, not because He intends to grant every desire, but because He wants to work though each of them with us.  When I don’t acknowledge the desires of my heart before Him, whether pleasing, confusing, or downright sinful, I am denying myself the opportunity to enjoy the fullness of intimacy to which He has invited me, to know Him and to be known by Him.

Trust in the LORD, and do good;

         Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

 Delight yourself also in the LORD,

         And He shall give you the desires of your heart. 

      

Commit your way to the LORD,

     Trust also in Him, a

nd He shall bring it to pass.

He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,

         And your justice as the noonday.

      

Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;

         Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, 

         Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;

         Do not fret—it only causes harm.

         

For evildoers shall be cut off;

         But those who wait on the LORD, t

hey shall inherit the earth.

Psalm 37:3-9