Women of Influence: Lezli and Leslie

In college, most of the women I really looked up to were actually more like peers, I just didn't know it yet.  As a freshman, those seniors seemed so mature, like they had it all figured out.  It wasn't until I was a senior that I really understood how funny that perception was.

However, there were two different women who came into my life during that time who were actually role models, mentors, women of influence.  The first was a woman named Lezli.  I wrote about Lezli not too long ago after my trip to Houston last month.  Lezli and her husband, Reagan, took me into their home both of the summers I was working at a church in Deer Park.  From Lezli, I learned lessons in hospitality, perseverance, integrity, and the beauty of a strong woman.  Lezli has a character quality that I have a difficult time articulating.  There is an inner strength about her that it's impossible not to feel when you're near her.  Lezli, more than just about any woman I've ever known, knows who she is and Whose she is, and she carries that knowledge confidently and boldly in a most beautiful way.  Lezli is completely unpretentious, full of laughter, and quick to recognize the beauty of God in creation.  I'm still striving to be more like her.

Leslie Brown was the next woman to come into my life during my college years.  She and her husband, Mark, moved to Abilene the summer before my junior year.  Coincidentally (if I believed in coincidence) that was right after my last summer at Lezli's house.  Leslie had been heavily invested in the lives of high school girls in her home town, and she grieved to leave them, but the Lord had whispered to her about the opportunity to invest in college girls in Abilene and she jumped at the chance.  How do I even begin to tell you how much Leslie Brown influenced me?  She is a student of God's Word.  I mean, digs down deep and gets as much of the meat out of it as she can possibly find.  She is also a teacher of God's Word, thrilling at the chance to open Scripture and make it plain for others.  She is a woman of hospitality, always opening her home and her life to others.  I couldn't begin to count the number of parties, showers, Bible studies, and get togethers the Browns hosted during my last two years of college.  Leslie also opened her life to me in a special way, mentoring me while we folded laundry, grocery shopped, or watched her kids' sports games.  Leslie was the first woman I remember hearing say something like, "well, I was talking to God about it while I was doing the dishes, and ..." I have no idea what came next, but I remember thinking, "I want to be the kind of woman who talks to God while I do the dishes!"  I am so thankful God brought the Browns to Abilene, and so glad Lezli was willing to invest in a crazy college girl like me.

What I'm Feasting On This Week

When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name, O LORD God Almighty. Jeremiah 15:16


You will keep in perfect peace Him whose gaze is fixed on you because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3


He will be the stability of your times, a wealth of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge.  The fear of the Lord is Zion's treasure.  Isaiah 33:6.


I am worn out waiting for your rescue, but I have put my hope in Your Word.  Psalm 119:81


Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Sweetest Name I know!
Fills my every longing,
Keeps me singing as I go!

Women of Influence: Robyn Patrick

Robyn Patrick lived on my street, and she taught my 11th grade Sunday School class.  Robyn is a woman of prayer, and we worked out a special system.  Every time I'd pass her house on my way to school or my way home, I'd beep my horn two short beeps, and I could know that whether Robyn was at her kitchen window where I could see her or making beds in her back room, she paused to pray for me.

Because of the intimacy of her prayer life, Robyn believes is a big big God, and she's continued through the years to help me believe in that same big, big God.  I've never shared a single thing with Robyn that I thought God might be up to, no matter how crazy it seemed, that she didn't agree to pray with me about it and assure me nothing was too impossible for Him.

Robyn opened her kitchen table up to all of us every Tuesday for "T.L.C." -- Tuesday Lunch Club. We'd bring our lunches, and she'd bake the brownies or the rice krispy treats, and we'd spend a crazy half hour talking as fast and laughing as hard as we could.

Robyn, like Mat Wright, continues to be a prayer warrior in my life.  I send her updates occasionally and she always assures me that I am loved and lifted up before the Lord.  What a gift!

Not only is Robyn a woman of prayer, she is also a woman of God's Word.  She would take her Bible in her hands every Sunday morning, and let its pages fall open before us, then look over the top of it, and tell us, "God's Word has a principle for every situation you are going to face.  It has an answer.  It may not tell you specifically whether or not to date that boy, but it'll tell you what kind of character pleases God and what kinds of friends you should surround yourself with.  It may not tell you whether or not to watch that movie, but it'll tell you what kinds of things to set before you eyes and put into your minds."

When I graduated from high school, Robyn gave me a small silver charm in the shape of a Bible, and every time I teach a new class of women in Bible study, I tell them about Robyn and about how right she was about God's Word.  Several years ago, one of the women I had taught was telling me a story about her own teaching experience and how she'd been sharing with one of the women in her class, holding her Bible out in front of her, letting the pages fall open, assuring her there was a principle for every facet of life.  She credited that to me.  I, of course, immediately saw Robyn in the gesture.  It moved me so greatly to know that Robyn's influence hadn't just extended past women that she would know, but also past women I would know.  I called her as soon as I got in my car that day.  I shared the story with her, and she took a long moment to respond.  She shared with me that she'd been thinking just that morning how she just wasn't sure she was getting through to anyone anymore and maybe it was time for her to give up high school Sunday school.  Praise God she hasn't!  The world will never know this side of eternity how many lives Robyn Patrick has impacted.

Women of Influence: Phynetta "Nana" Horton

Her children arise and call her blessed; 

       her husband also, and he praises her ~ Proverbs 31:28

I'm skipping ahead to talk about Nana because today is her birthday, and what better way to celebrate her life than to share with you about her influence or legacy in my life.


Nana is the heart of our family.  -- Papa is the mouth. ;-) -- When I was younger, we lived within bike riding distance of Nana's house, and I spent many afternoons and Saturday mornings with her.  


I've been told it wasn't always this way, but for as long as I can remember, Nana's been a health nut.  She is very creative about getting us grandkids to eat strange new foods she picks up at the health food store.  We never had salt at her house, we had vege-sal.  Snacks were Ak-mak crackers (look 'em up sometime) with a slice of mozarella, and an occasional Jell-O pudding pop, but more often, an oatmeal muffin with a peanutbutter cup baked inside.  Every Sunday lunch at her house was crockpot chicken, brown rice, and lots of fresh veggies.  


Nana's house was always fun.  There were books and games and toys and the swimming pool.  I laugh thinking about how many times we were determined to get in that water in March just because it was a warm day outside.  She'd always let us try it, then stand there with a towel when our lips turned blue and our teeth started chattering and we decided to give in and wait a few more weeks.  


I think the thing I appreciate most about Nana is that I have so many memories of waking up at her house, stumbling sleepily into the kitchen, and finding her sitting at the breakfast table with her Bible open and her prayer guide nearby.  More than any one thing she's ever said to me, that faithfulness in her own personal time with Jesus each day has spoken volumes.


Nana is a very petite woman.  She's about 5'2" and might way 100 lbs ... might.  All of her children and grandchildren dwarf her.  And, I used to think of her as a frail woman.  She's been sick off and on for the last 10 years with various ailments, and in my mind, I equated that with fragility.  But, I was wrong.  


There is a strength about her that comes from somewhere deep down within.  She is bold, and sometimes stubborn.  She fiercely loyal and protective of those under her wing.  And, what she cannot find words to say, she makes up for with a hug and a grip that defies her diminutive size.  Try telling her that you can't do something, and she will take hold of your hands with that grip, find a way to get eye to eye with you, and speak firmly straight into your soul a mix of love and scripture that tempts you to believe you could literally take flight.  


So, today, I celebrate Nana.  Her life, her love, and her influence. 

Women of Influence: High School Youth Workers

High school students are slightly less frightening to me than elementary age children, but I still don't often choose to be left alone in a room with them.  


The first woman I want to commend is Angela Temples.  Angela was my 9th grade Sunday School teacher.  I think it must have been traumatic for her, too, because that was the only year she taught high school Sunday School.  I loved Angela's class, loved watching how the Lord was working in her life at that time, calling her to follow Him in deeper and deeper waters.  I respected her commitment to obedience.  Several years ago, Angela moved to Fort Worth, and I was very pleasantly surprised to find an email from her in my school inbox.  It was a great opportunity for us to reconnect, only this time as peers.  I found her to be such a wise, godly counselor, so quick to give God glory for the blessings in her life, so humble in her daily walk with Him.  It's been a joy in recent years to call her friend.


Trisha Harbus was my 10th grade Sunday School teacher.  And, every year after that, I think Becchi and Brenna and I tried our best to get John Wills to let her move up a grade with us.  But, I think John knew, how much we needed the influence of the other women who'd come into our lives as well.  Trisha was someone who was so generous with her time and made herself available to listen whenever I needed to talk.  Trisha never belittled by 10th grade drama, but helped me put it in perspective just the same.  And, when, as a teenager, I began to doubt my 6 year old conversion experience, Trisha and I had a very serious talk about the fruit of one's life and the evidence of the Spirit at work in a life.  I didn't fully grasp the significance of that conversation at that time, but I have referred back to it more times than I can count by now.


Jane Hughes and her husband, Dick, (Yes, Dick and Jane!) were our 12th grade Sunday School directors.  Jane's nickname among the youth workers was "Bubbles" for her effervescent personality, but I called her "Fabulous" because she simply was.  Jane can light up a room in a moment.  She has the brightest, kindest smile, and the most joyful spirit.  And, for those 12 months, Jane was on a mission, alongside Dick, to get us ready for college.  It was a seriously fun mission.  We spent hours talking about all kinds of things we might face once we got off to college, more than anything learning how to think and reason and search scripture for ourselves.  How grateful I am for her godly influence!

Finally, there was a high school girls' intern named Rhonda Black.  Looking back, I think Rhonda must have been the most patient of them all.  Rhonda's office was my hideout just about every afternoon after school.  I'd show up in the youth office, sit at her desk, and talk ... and talk ... and talk!  And, she'd listen, and respond, and keep trying to get her work done at the same time.  I'm not at all sure how she did it.  I had the opportunity to see Rhonda not long ago and thank her for that time, that empathy, and for the example she set.  Rhonda was the first woman I knew of to go to seminary and get an M.Div.  So many many times during my 4 1/2 years at SWBTS, I wanted to quit, but I'd think, "Rhonda did it.  I can do it."  She is one of the most gracious, godly women I've had the privilege to know.  Her life has not always been easy, but she has always pointed to Jesus.  She continues to mentor me from afar because of this stubborn determination she has to cling to Him like she does.

(I didn't forget 11th grade -- she's getting her own post!)

Never Been Unloved

It's been a while since I posted song lyrics (well, I mean, other than last night when I wrote about "saintyfive").  This week, I was reminded of a song I used to listen to on repeat until I nearly wore out the cd.  Michael W. Smith's "Live the Life" album was released in Spring of 1998.  I don't remember buying the cd, but I remember playing it a lot that summer while I was in Houston.  I knew most of the songs, but only one stuck with me and has continued to find its way onto my various playlists even now.  It's a song called "Never Been Unloved."  I think it gets to me so deeply because it speaks of grace, and in that season of my life, I was just coming to understand what that word was all about.  Someone had given me a copy of "Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning that year, and all my notions of piety were being turned upside down.  I was coming to terms with the fact that nothing I could ever do would make God love me any less or any more than He did already.  Grace.  Then, I heard these lyrics, and they resonated with all that I was coming to understand.

I have been unfaithful
I have been unworthy
I have been unrighteous
And I have been unmerciful

I have been unreachable
I have been unteachable
I have been unwilling
And I've been undesirable

And sometimes I have been unwise
I've been undone by what I'm unsure of
But because of you
And all that you went through
I know that I have never been unloved

I have been unbroken
I have been unmended
I have been uneasy
And I've been unapprochable

I've been unemotional
I've been unexceptional
I've been undecided
And I have been unqualified

Unaware - I have been unfair
I've been unfit for blessings from above
But even I can see
The sacrifice You made for me
To show that I have never been unloved

Unaware - I have been unfair
I've been unfit for blessings from above
But even I can see
The sacrifice You made for me
To show that I have never been unloved

It's because of you
And all that you went through
I know that I have never been unloved

Women of Influence: Aunt Susan

So, I’m saving Mom and the Grandmothers for next week, but I think I can go ahead and talk about Aunt Susan today.  My Aunt Susan, my Aunt Susan!  Any of you who follow me on Facebook know that my Aunt Susan is the most talented cookie artist ever.  Ever.   She goes by Sue B Sweets and people order her cookies and have them shipped all over the United States because they’re just that good. 

What you probably don’t know is that my Aunt Susan is one of the most faithful, godly women of influence any young woman could be blessed to know.  There are many things I could talk about that I have learned from her life, but I think the one that has been by far the most influential is prayer.

I have the most vivid memory of being about 9 or 10 years old, standing next to her kitchen table in her little two bedroom house where she, Uncle Tracey, and my three little cousins lived at the time.  Aunt Susan was painting little decorative pins to sell at a craft show with the most creative, detailed hand I’ve ever seen … and she was talking to me about prayer. 

She told me that I could talk to Jesus about anything, that He was very interested in the details of my life and my thoughts.  And, she told me about how she began praying, even when she was a very little girl, for a godly husband and family.  She told me about things she prayed for her daughters even before they were born.  She encouraged me to pray every day for all the things that were on my heart to tell Jesus, and she encouraged me to begin even then praying for the man God would have me marry. 

I took her words to heart.  I believed her, and in turn, have learned to believe God.  And, someday, should I ever marry, thanks to Aunt Susan, I will be able to tell someone I have prayed for him for 20 years and counting.  J

Nothing New Under the Sun

I am no less arrogant than any other generation when it comes to thinking that I'm learning, experiencing, or discovering something entirely new.  I've mentioned in the past how thankful I am for the fact that Jesus satisfies.    That truth just creates such a deep peace in me.  And, honestly, I've felt very innovative in recognizing that incredible truth and bringing it here to share with you.  Satisfaction is something so many of us search for and never find apart from Christ.

Then, tonight, as I came home and was getting ready to lay down, I caught myself humming a very old tune.  It was one of the first songs I ever remember learning in church.  In fact, when I was very, very young, my poor mom was terribly confused at home one day when I kept asking her to "sing saintyfive, mama, sing saintyfive!"  She had no idea what I was talking about, and I didn't understand why she wouldn't just sing it for me.  It all became abundantly clear a couple of weeks later in church when the chorus began and I jumped up and down and told her, "Saintyfive!" with a triumphant grin.  Here's how that very old song goes ...

I am satisfied, satisfied with Jesus

I am satisfied, satisfied with Him

Every need has been supplied

Praise the Lord I'm satisfied 

Oh, I'm satisfied, satisfied with Him!

Let me glory in the Lord
Let me glory in the Lord
And let my one desire be
To lift my Jesus higher (both arms straight up in the air here! super important to preschoolers)
Let me glory in the Lord!

I am satisfied, satisfied with Jesus ...

You get the idea!

So it seems that my new revelation of satisfaction in Christ is not only old news to the world in general, but also something I "learned" a very long time ago!

Women of Influence: Mat Wright

The next woman on my “Women of Influence” list gets her very own post because aside from my Mother and Grandmothers, Mat Wright, has had the longest, most consistent influence in my life.

Because she bought me my first book, Mat credits herself with my love of reading.  And, truthfully, some of my earliest love affairs with books were ones that Mat chose for me.  Mat and her husband, Bob, were my parents’ friends and mentors and neighbors during the first 5 years of my life.  They babysat me often, kept a special corner of their bookshelf stocked with books and toys it was always okay for me to get into, only ever called me “Sweetie” to this day, loved me unconditionally but never let me get away with sass. 

Bob and Mat moved to Wisconsin before I turned 6.  I remember feeling very, very sad the day they left.  That kind of distance in a time before cell phones and email should have been the end of that sweet friendship, but God had instilled a bond in our families that has stood the test of time and distance. 

We actually drove from the Rio Grande Valley to Menomenee Falls, WI, one summer in my dad’s Chevy Beretta to spend a week with the Wrights.  And, of course, they’ve made a trip or two our way as well.  (It got slightly easier after we moved to North Texas.)  She and Bob made a point of coming out to a high school football game when I was in marching band.  (Serious selfless sacrifice!)  And, after I moved to Fort Worth, they made the trip over from Plano to worship at Wedgwood with me one weekend.  Not a single birthday has ever gone by that I haven’t received a card and a check from Mat.  I don’t send out a single prayer update for my current work and ministry that she doesn’t reply with a promise of support and prayer.  And, the entire time I was in seminary, not a month went by that I didn’t receive something in the mail from her just to say she believes in and affirms God’s calling on my life.  Just two years ago, Bob and Mat were at Papa’s 40^th anniversary celebration at the Rio Hondo Baptist Church.  Their encouragement and affirmation at that time were huge is motivating me to get serious about pursuing God’s call on my life as a Bible study teacher. 

I could go on and on.  It’s my blog, and I’m tempted to do so.  But, I think the best way for me to summarize the impact of this very special woman of influence is to talk about ways I see Mat’s imprint on my life today:  There’s a box, in an easily accessible part of my living room, filled with toys that kids know they’re welcome to anytime they come over.  My giant bookshelf is filled to overflowing, most shelves stacked two rows deep with books, many written by authors Mat introduced me to.  Mariposa Ministries.  I’ll even let Mat share credit with my dad for my love of sports.  She was the first woman I ever knew who loved ESPN more than her husband.  (Although, she loves baseball, and I did not inherit that.)  I understand the value of going out of my way to take part in something that matters to someone else, not because I get it, but because it’s a chance to enter their world through something they love.  

Women of Influence: Children's Sunday School Teachers

In honor of Mother’s Day, Cornerstone Christian Women’s Job Corps is offering donors an opportunity to honor “Women of Influence” in their lives by making a donation to an organization that is making a difference in the lives of women.  This got me to thinking about women have made a difference in my life. 

I’ll save the post about the women in my family for closer to Mother’s Day, but today, I want to talk about some elementary Sunday school teachers.  Nothing paralyzes me more quickly than being placed in a room full of small children.  I seriously back up against a wall and remind myself to breathe and hope the time passes quickly.  It’s terrifying.  Now, I’m not a monster who doesn’t like kids, I just don’t like to be left alone with kids.  I thoroughly enjoy being around my “nieces and nephews” when their parents are close by to provide supervision! J  

All of that to say, I have a great amount of admiration for children’s Sunday school teachers.  For pete’s sake, they VOLUNTEER to do that stuff!  Craziness.  J

I had some truly influential Sunday school teachers in my formative years.  

Barbara Sullivan taught us to memorize Psalm 1 in 1^st or 2^nd grade.  The whole 6 verses.  And, she used pictures and illustrations to teach us what it meant.  I go back to that passage so often, and in my mind, I am sitting on little plastic chairs, looking at stick figure drawings, listening to Ms. Barbara explain the dangers of slowing down to listen to ungodly counsel as well as the joys of delighting in God’s perfect Law. 

Cathy Pavon taught us to celebrate our Jesus-birthday.  I marked the day I asked Jesus to come live in my heart in my little lavender Precious Moments Bible, and I was so excited the first time we sang, “Happy Birthday to you, Only one will not do, Born again means salvation, How many have you?” and I got to shout “Two!” because I was not only celebrating a physical birthday, but a spiritual one as well. 

Vicki Clinton not only taught my Sunday School class but lived on my street, and she was crazy enough to invite groups of little girls over to her house!  She is perhaps my earliest personal example of someone who faithfully practiced the ministries of presence and hospitality, being a constant open door in my young life. 

I still have occasion to encounter these women from time to time, and each time I am blessed.  I am thankful for their investment in me, and I am honored to have them as witnesses to how the Lord has caused growth in the seeds that they planted.  

Just Kidding

A few days ago I tweeted that I was out of bloggable thoughts.  I was wrong.  I'm working on new stuff to be published soon.  I know you were worried, so I thought I'd put your mind at ease.  That is all ... for now.

Pretty Woman

For years, women have been dogged for loving the movie Pretty Woman, it's been labeled as nothing more than a dirty story about a prostitute.  And yet, it's my second favorite movie of all time, something for which I am very thankful.  Nobody ever asks what your 2nd favorite move is, they always just want to know about the first.  I can easily tell someone that Steel Magnolias is my favorite movie, and other than the typical male rolling of the eyes and groan, nobody judges me.  However, they might feel differently if they knew what a close runner up Pretty Woman is in my cinematic affections.  It was the first R rated movie I ever lied to see.  Becchi and I used her mom's Blockbuster card to rent it when we were just 16, and I was the one who stepped up to the counter because, of the two of us, I looked older.
For the uninitiated, Pretty Woman is the story of a lonely rich man who picks up a Hollywood prostitute and asks her to stay the week with him in his Beverly Hills penthouse while he's completing business deals there.  He discovers a bright, funny, girl who once had big dreams that have been shattered by bad choices.  She discovers a decent man caught up in shady Wall Street business deals, still trying to please his long deceased father.  And, they fall in love.
Sunday afternoon, after a wonderfully long weekend of extended time outdoors with my very energetic nephew-cousins, I fell into a deep slumber for nearly 3 hours.  Thus, I was wide awake at 11:00 p.m. when I discovered Pretty Woman being aired on TBS.  I hadn't watched the movie in years, but I was instantly hooked all over again. This time, however, I watched it with one critical question in mind:  Why do I love this story so much?  Does it feed my sin nature or is there something here that's appealing to God's bigger story in my life?
I'm sure I'm going to be labeled all kinds of a heretic for this, but I'm going to say, I love the story because there's grace in it.  It's not just a romance about a hooker; it's about a little girl lost.  It's about a girl who made really bad choices, was used and abandoned, and trapped.  She didn't set out for the life he found her living, but she ended up there all the same.  Now, he's by no means a Christ-figure in this drama.  He, too, is lost.  He, too, is broken.  He, too, has set out to please men and ended up living a small and meaningless life because of his pursuits.
In the final scene of the movie, he comes to her, with flowers, and climbs a fire escape despite his fear of heights to "rescue" her, and he asks this question, "What happens after the prince rescues the princess?" and she answers, "She rescues him right back."
A woman I respect very much told me once that falling in love with her husband was the biggest grace she'd ever experienced in human form.  He knew her, really knew her, knew everything she considered unlovable.  And, he loved her.  He came to her rescue time and time again.  And, he felt the same about her, felt undeserving of her steadfast love.  She loved him, not because she didn't know his dark secrets, but in spite of all she knows.
Pretty Woman tells a story about two very human, sinful, fallen people who find the grace to love one another anyway, who choose to step way beyond themselves and their own fears to embrace one another.  Girls loves this movie because it really is a fairytale, and deep down inside, all of us long to be rescued.

How I Get Through My Days ...

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Growing Up, Self-Acceptance

I've decided that growing up is about realizing that your closest friends are right about you.  And, not necessarily about the good things.  They're right about the bad things.  The annoying things.  The quirky things.  All the things I try so hard to change or hide or ignore.  My closest friends were never fooled.  They knew about me all along but decided the good outweighed the weird, I guess.  And, as I get older, I find myself putting less and less energy into hiding and ignoring and denying and more effort into accepting, owning, and even laughing at myself.

The example for today is about silence.  For YEARS, my best friend has feigned a shudder whenever I said I didn't have anything to say about a matter.  She's insisted that silence is the most dangerous of all responses from me.  And, I've laughed at her.  I've insisted on my right to silence.  Insisted it could mean little other than the fact that I had no opinion to express.  She mocked me for even suggesting such a thing.  Recently, I've found myself remaining silent for extended periods of time regarding things I've felt very strongly about.  I did so because I didn't want to care.  I did so because I was afraid I couldn't say what I felt without sounding harsh or causing grief or stirring up an "issue."  (I hate "issues.")  I held my peace until I absolutely could not hold it any longer, and then I said what I was thinking/feeling anyway.  Because it needed to be said.  Because it involved things and/or people that matter to me.  Because, for me, silence is a defense, not an answer.  I am seeing that more clearly than I've ever seen it before, but my best friend has known it all along.  It's just one of those things about me.  She accepted it long ago, ignored me when I denied it, and went on loving me despite it.

I hope you have people in your life like that, people who will love you for you until you learn to love you for you.  (Say that 3 times quickly!)

Today I heard about someone who heard the Passover story for the very first time.  He came to Christ as an adult, and has been steadily growing in his faith, but he'd never heard the story of Passover and how the Israelites were spared the plague of the death angel because the blood of the sacrificial lamb was painted over their door posts.
The person recounting the story stood in my office, voice and eyes brimming with emotion, and said, "He passed over!  The blood of Christ, God's sacrificial lamb covers me, and God's wrath passes over!"
Oh, that the delight of when we first believed would be so fresh in our hearts each time it is proclaimed.

"On that same night I will pass through Egypt and strike down every firstborn—both men and animals—and I will bring judgment on all the gods of Egypt. I am the LORD.  The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt.

 "This is a day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a festival to the LORD -a lasting ordinance.

Exodus 12:12-14

Passion Week

This week I am doing my best to focus on the glory of Easter, to rehearse the familiar story of the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ in my heart and mind, so that I might somehow celebrate in a fresh way this Sunday morning.

All four of the Gospels provide accounts of the Easter story, but that part of me that needs the practical application of it all is drawn again and again to I Corinthians 15 where Paul outlines the significance of the resurrection for us who believe.

Either it's all true, he says, or we are above all to be pitied.  He leaves us no middle ground.  I find it beneficial to wrestle with this every so often.

But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.


These verses are just a snippet from the middle.  Check out the entire passage for yourself.  I Corinthians 15.

A Weekend in Houston

My first two summers in college, I worked for a church in Deer Park, Texas, just outside of Houston.  It was where I first learned for certain that I had no future as a children's minister.  Still, I was unbelievably blessed to work for a very godly pastor who taught me many lasting lessons about life and ministry.  And, I had the joy of investing in the lives of some pretty awesome teenagers those summers as well.  I am proud of the women they've become, though I take no credit for that whatsoever with the small exception of their appreciation for old school dc Talk.  I did do that.
Both of those summers I lived in a beautiful home with an even more beautiful family who did not even attend the church where I worked.  I knew during those summers that I was blessed.  I loved them very much.  I felt honored by the way they took me in and made me one of their own, never charging me a cent and insisting that I consider myself part of the family, meaning they bought groceries and paid for outings and invited me on trips whenever I was available.  It was a selfless generosity I found truly baffling at times, and in my youth, failed to fully appreciate.
I visited regularly over the next several years, but somewhere along the way I let busyness take over and stopped being intentional about that relationship and the next thing I knew, 5 years had gone by, the girls were grown, and I'd become a stranger.
This past weekend, I made a trip to Houston to visit.  I was excited but nervous, unsure of what to expect.  Their youngest daughter had been just 18 months old that second summer and a mere 6 years old the last time I'd visited.  She admitted sheepishly she had no memories of me.  The oldest daughter, my constant companion during those summers, is now 18, heading off to college this fall.  She remembers, but with the memory of a young child, and we must relearn how to relate now as grown women.
I don't seem to have words for all that filled my heart this weekend.  Every time I attempted to say aloud the things I was thinking and feeling, the words seemed so inadequate.  All four of them met me at the front door when I arrived Friday evening.  I was hugged warmly four times over, then brought directly to the dinner table where old patterns returned swiftly, strangely familiar again.  We talked non-stop those first few hours, forced ourselves to pause and go to bed at a decent time, hoping to make the most of our full day together on Saturday.  We spent Saturday at Kemah, one of my favorite places in all of Texas.  We ate seafood (something I never learned to do until I met this dear family), sitting outside on the boardwalk, watching the boats, and laughing about how we'd very accidentally and innocently stolen another patron's table.  I let the girls talk me into riding two carnival rides and quickly discovered I was too old to be turned upside down anymore.  I sat peacefully on a bench with my friends, making observations about the day or the crowds while we waited for the girls to take their turn on the next ride.  We browsed through shops, and fed sting rays, and returned home late in the afternoon, where I discovered the sun had turned my neck pink, save for the outline of a large cross I'd been wearing.  We fixed dinner and played dominoes and watched a recorded episode of American Idol, commenting comically on the judges and the musicians alike. On Sunday, I had the joy of worshiping with them in their church, something I rarely got to do while living with them and working in a different church.
As I packed my bags and loaded my car on Sunday afternoon, I felt my throat tighten and my eyes burn with unshed tears, and I knew I'd never be able to say all that I needed to say.  I told them how ashamed I was of the time I'd let slip away, how grateful I was for the wonderful weekend they'd provided me, and how only now, many years later could I truly begin to understand and appreciate all they'd done for me so many years ago.  We hugged tightly and promised to do better and I drove away, my mind already working through possibilities for another visit sooner than later.

Is the Spiritual also Practical?

There are spiritual answers to this question, of course, but I am talking about something more practical. ~ Donald Miller


I read this statement in Donald Miller's blog entry this morning, and paused long and hard over it.  It bothers me.  A lot.  I need spiritual things to be practical.  


To be fair, this statement was not Miller's thesis.  It was his launching spot.  He was on his way to making another point entirely.  I do not intend to discredit or demean him or his writing with this post.  I share the quote only to provide you with background for my own thoughts this morning.  I guess, in a way, it's my launching spot today, too. I'm just headed in a different direction.


Scripture has got to have practical application.  Spiritual truth has to be practical.  If not, what's the point?  Why study it?  Why meditate on it?  Why memorize it?  If God's Word is going to offer me admonition without direction, it's incomplete.  


If prayer is not practical.  Why pray?


But, it is.  It is practical!  It does matter.  It has to -- the implications of anything else are catastrophic.  


Almost every day I pray, "Lord, teach me to love what you love, and to hate what you hate."  If that prayer isn't practical, why say it?  If I don't believe the Holy Spirit dwelling in me has the power and desire to answer that prayer, to steer my thoughts and affections toward things that are pleasing to God and away from things that aren't, why waste my breath?  And, if I don't believe there are practical answers in Scripture to help me discover what those things are, why read it.  If someone else, something else can tell me what pleases or displeases God, why study His Word.  


So, then the answer becomes, "Well, God's Word can tell us that love for others pleases God and that jealousy toward others displeases Him, but we might need some practical help figuring out how to apply those things."  Do we?  Really?  Or, are we lazy?  Lazy students of scripture?  O, God, make us diligent students of your Word!  


I guess the statement about there being something more practical than "spiritual answers" set me off today because of how firmly confident I am that there is nothing more practical than the Spiritual.  Attempting to separate the two fails us both spiritually and practically.  I have devoted much of my life to teaching women how to love God's Word, how to saturate their lives in Biblical, Spiritual truth.  


You know what?  It even has something to say about this for itself!  Check out I Timothy 4:8, "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come."

I Might Be In a Good Mood If ...

1.  I'm drinking cold water from my purple water bottle.
2.  I'm drinking hot, black coffee from my pink Starbucks travel mug.
3.  I'm listening to country music (by choice).
4.  I'm driving with the windows down.
5.  I take the time to curl or straighten my hair.
6.  I blog about nothing.
7.  I more or less skip/hop (bounce?) from place to place rather than my usual "woman on a mission" march.
8.  I order anything other than water at a restaurant, particularly Diet Coke or Flavored Iced Tea.
9.  I'm writing in purple ink.
10. There's a tiara on my head.

Conversations with Big Dave

**Update: I called home the next night and asked Mom how her lunch was that day.  She answered dryly, "I passed."

Original Post:
Tuesday evening, 5:30 p.m.
Big Dave: You know I make Mama's lunch every day, right?  I make the sandwiches.
Me:  Yes, Daddy, that's very sweet of you.
BD:  Yeah, I like to surprise her sometimes. (At this point, I already know this is going to be a good story.)
Me:  She's mentioned that.
BD:  Yesterday, she said her sandwich was boring.
Me:  Really?  Did you fix that today?
BD:  Yep.
Me:  What'd you put on Mama's sandwich today?
BD:  Pickled jalapeños ... and sunflower seeds!
Me:  Wow, that would be a surprise.  What'd she think? (It is very difficult to continue without howling with laughter at this point, but he's not laughing yet, so I'm determined to play it out.)
BD:  I got a text about 12:15 that said, "I don't like this sandwich."
(At this point, he cracks up laughing at himself and all his cleverness.)
BD:  I'm standing in the kitchen right now looking for a way to surprise her tomorrow!

(It's amazing how you can hear the "twinkle" of mischief in another's voice if you listen closely.)

Bad Dreams

It's a quarter to 11pm on a Monday night and I'm beginning a blog entry.  Why?  Because I'm a little nervous about going to sleep.  I'm not much of a dreamer.  My memories of specific dreams are few and far between.  My memories of bad dreams are even more rare.  This week, however, I have had 3 very memorable bad dreams in a row.  They've all been comical on some level, but they've still caused me to wake with a start, slightly panicked, a little clammy, and breathing really hard.
Last week, I dreamed about something work related.  It would sound silly to tell you about it here, especially if you're not very familiar with my work, but for me, it was devastating.  It was well into my morning, getting ready routine, that I realized it was only a nightmare and not a reality.  And, still, I didn't fully relax until I saw the person involved and heard from her own mouth that it wasn't the truth.
Two nights later, I dreamed about something family related.  Again, it would sound silly.  Trust me, I tried describing it to two different people today and both of them cracked up laughing.  But, again, it was terrible and upsetting, and really unsettling.
Last night, I dreamed something much less entertaining.  I dreamed I was dying.  I dreamed I had a terminal illness, we all knew it, and acknowledged it, and somehow came to the conclusion that it would be best to just go ahead and drain my blood and fluids now rather than waiting for the disease to claim me more slowly.  In my dream, I knew I'd agreed to this, but as the night came, and I was laying on this gurney-like table bed thing, and the man with a scalpel was standing over me prepared to slit my calves (because that's the most obvious place to begin to drain someone's blood, of course!), I began crying and begging the people around me to let me live a little longer, at least until I wouldn't know what was happening to me.  I'm not sure what they decided, since the man with the scalpel was still standing over me when I woke with that sickening start this morning.  I'm still trying to shake that one off.
Because dreams are so rare for me, I tend to attach importance to them, I want to understand them.  It bothers me when I can't figure out where they're coming from, even if the answer is too much red kool-aid before bedtime as my Mom used to always claim. (I haven't had red koolaid in a really long time.)
How about you?  Ever have a nightmare you couldn't shake? What dreams (good or bad) do you remember most?

Why I Tithe

UPDATE:  This just became available ...



Original Post ...

This morning, our pastor donned a red bandanna around his face bandit-style, showed the kids an actual handgun, and told them a story about thieves during the children's sermon.  Then, he read to them the verse in Malachi 3 that asks the question, "Will a man rob God?" and attempted to connect the abstract concept of robbing God to the children's understanding of an old West bandit.
As I was still contemplating this approach, our youth minister and two of his staff arrived on stage, dressed as stereotypical accounting nerds with flashy briefcases, and the intro beat to the "Apple Bottom Jeans" song began playing overhead.  As the youth dudes opened their briefcases to put on backwards baseball caps, sports jerseys, and a little extra bling, they began rapping about the importance of tithing.
At that point, while thoroughly entertained, I really wanted to raise my hand and ask if I might be excused since my tithe check was already written and ready to be passed into the offering plate.  Instead, I pulled out my phone and texted a few friends regarding all that I had seen and heard.  (And, there was more to come!  We concluded the service with a song from a men's quartet about giving.  I wish I could personally interview any first time guests in our congregation this morning!)
This evening, I was with a group of close friends, celebrating birthdays, and this morning's service was the topic of conversation for most of the night.  Those of us who were there described it vividly for those who missed it.  We even checked to see if the rap had been uploaded to YouTube yet!  And, we laughed ... a lot!
But, in the back of my mind, I kept thinking about a statistic that was shared this morning.  According to Bro. Al, a full 50% of church attenders give absolutely nothing on a regular basis.  And, across the board, the data from the Southern Baptist Convention says we give an average of just 2%.  As we laughed this evening, I couldn't help but wonder just how true those statistics held even in that room of people I love.
I'd like to have some fantastic story to tell you about learning to tithe.  But, I was a very blessed little girl who was taught tithing from a very young age.  It never occurred to me not to give to the Lord.
What I can tell you is that I've never been wealthy.  As a grown woman, I've never consistently had excess in my finances.  I've never written that check and not wondered how the Lord was going to stretch the other 90% to make it all work out.  Notice I didn't say "if" the Lord was going to do it, but "how."  He always does it!
I tithe because I enjoy knowing that my finances do not manage me.  I tithe because it's a regular exercise in faith.  I tithe because I know that the Lord will do far more with my measly 10% than I could.  I tithe because tithing is one of the few places in scripture where God invites His people to test Him.  Check out Malachi 3:10, "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."  


I tithe because I can't afford not to.  

Love Always Trusts

Last night I sent a text message with a question in it to a very close friend.  She didn't respond.  This morning, she emailed me an apology, explaining that she didn't see the text until much later in the evening, and then she offered a response to my question.  Her apology was almost comical to me (in fact, I think I mocked her for it in reply) because it never once occurred to me that she was intentionally ignoring me last night.  In fact, I assumed she was busy and thought little of the delayed response.  Of course, that friendship is one of the most secure relationships I enjoy.  It's relatively easy for me to jump to the best conclusions where she's concerned.
I wish I was always so quick to assume the best rather than the worst.
Far too often, I have second-guessed myself, or worse, others.  I have been guilty of questioning silences and nearly always interpreting them as negative.  I have a tendency to over-communicate out of fear that I'll be misunderstood.  I have eagerly attempted to anticipate and craft the answer someone desires to hear rather than offering up the truth as plainly as I can tell it.
Recently, while listening to Beth Moore's book "So Long, Insecurity" on cd during my daily commute, she described that person perfectly.  I listened and thought, "I know her ... I've been her!"
The kind of insecurity that leads me to assume the worst about a situation or a person quickly turns me into one of the most self-centered people on the planet.  Seriously.  It requires me to believe that others are genuinely spending their days concerned with me.  They're purposefully timing their responses, selectively crafting their words, carefully planning their schedules to either build me up, or more likely, tear me down.  Ha!  I suspect, the truth is more likely that most others are so busy living their lives, they've not had time to give a second thought to me in general, much less specifically!  Assuming the worst is exhausting.
For a while now, I've been intentionally practicing making a new choice when confronted with a situation that tempts me to assume the worst. I'm purposefully choosing to believe the best.  And, you know what?  It's working.  Tonight, I found myself completely at peace with a situation that normally would have had me in knots.  I smiled to myself as I recognized that I hadn't even had to think twice about it, that I automatically jumped to the best possible assumption - which turned out to be the truth!
There's a large scroll hanging on my living room wall with the text of I Corinthians 13:4-7 written in Chinese characters.  I purchased it a number of years ago when I was in China, and I selected that passage in particular because at the time, I was asking God to teach me how to love a particularly difficult individual.  I kept getting stuck on verse 7, "love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres ..."
As I was thinking about this idea of assumptions tonight, I was reminded of that summer and of the lessons I learned from the passage hanging on my wall.  Love always trusts.  Learning to love others involves learning to believe the best.  Always.  This exercise in putting away skepticism and doubt, especially in my close relationships, has served me well recently, and it has freed me up to enjoy others in a much less selfish way.  It allows me to be open and looking for ways to bless rather than scrambling to protect myself from imagined slights.
And, occasionally, when the offense is not imagined but real, my confidence and security remain steadfast because they're no longer pinned on others, but firmly rooted in God who is Love.  Isaiah 26:3 says it this way, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose gaze is fixed on You because he trusts in You."

Is There Anything Better Than March in Texas?

I took the day off today.  Not for any particular reason.  I'd worked some extra hours the last couple of weeks and knew I had a busy weekend coming up with the Grand Opening of the Cornerstone Resale Shop @ 3500 Noble Avenue, Fort Worth, TX 76111 from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. (hint! hint!), so I decided to clear my calendar and spend a day away from the office.  It was much harder than I thought it would be not to check my email or call in, but I think I'll be better for it tomorrow.  
Several people asked me what I did with my day off.  And, the real answer is, "not much."  I enjoyed the novelty of sleeping until I woke up (sans alarm clock).  I caught up on laundry and did some light housekeeping, spent extra time with Jesus and planned meals for the rest of the week, worked out, visited friends, rocked a baby to sleep on my shoulder, and browsed the church library for some new fiction.
Why in the world am I telling you about my day?  I have no idea.  It was gloriously ordinary.  It rained briefly this morning, then the sun came out and shone brilliantly, and the open windows and patio door allowed the scent of Spring to fill my tiny apartment.  And, every so often I had to just pause and inhale deeply and exhale slowly and relish it.  The first days of Spring in Texas fill me with so much delight.  I just feel giddy inside.  Those scents instantly take me to some of my favorite places. Skipping afternoon classes, sitting on the patio at HSU after pledging my freshman year, feet propped up, enjoying the fact that I didn't have to greet anyone I didn't feel like saying "hello" to but suddenly feeling like saying "hello" to everyone who walked by.  Lazy walks around campus at dusk, talking about everything and nothing just because it felt great to be alive.  Senior year, laying out by the apartment pool or frequenting a local ice cream parlor instead of learning more Spanish grammar.  Seminary afternoons, reading by the pond or laying on a blanket in my own backyard.  Using every minute of break during Monday night classes to get outside, walk across campus, and breathe deeply.  
Everything seems possible when the days are this magnificent.  And, I think I cherish them because they pass so quickly.  Heat strikes early in Texas and stays much longer than necessary in my opinion.  But, for these precious few weeks, I pretend like it's not coming.  I walk slowly to and from my car, enjoy any excuse to step outside during the day, and look for reasons to be there just a minute longer.  I leave my screen-covered windows open just a crack, so that wonderful scent drifts in.  I drive with the windows down and don't worry so much about what happens to my hair.  And, I blog about absolutely nothing because my heart is full and it seems like I should tell someone.

Does Jesus Eat Waffles?

When I opened facebook this afternoon, the top news post was a status update about a friend's early morning trip to the Waffle House and the declaration that God eats breakfast at the Waffle House - the one in Weatherford, Texas no less.  Ha!  It was top news because so many people were responding to it, some agreeing, some disagreeing.  I laughed out loud and proceeded to peruse other items.

A short time later, while driving from my parents' house toward my own home, I passed a Waffle House.  Honestly, I shuddered a bit.  My experiences at various Waffle Houses have been few and far between and rarely, if ever, pleasant.  Words like smelly, greasy, and unclean come to mind when I think of this establishment, and that's just to describe the patrons.  As I passed the Waffle House, I thought, "Caleb could not be more wrong.  God does not eat breakfast at the Waffle House.  Gross!"

But, of course, quick on the heals of that thought was that quiet, firm, familiar voice, loud yet not audible.  "Of course I do!  I love smelly, greasy, unclean people.  There's not one of them I don't long to introduce myself to.  Perhaps you'd like to do the honors?"  I think I literally shook my head even though I was alone in my car.  You see, I have a serious prejudice against smelly people.  The idea of my Savior, sitting at a greasy counter, between a bunch of huddled up, smelly, dirty people galls me.

And, it beckons me.  For certainly, if He would be counted among them, then there is a place for me among them as well lest I forget that I have been smelly, too.  All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away. (Isaiah 64:6)  And I hear that voice call, gently, "Come, Kristen, and die.  Die to self.  Die to pride.  Die to affluence that would keep you from abundance."  

My parents attend a large church that actually has a restaurant within its facilities.  Often, when my extended family is in town, we all meet up for brunch there at the church.  This morning, I was sitting toward the back of the sanctuary, near a door that leads toward the restaurant, and the fragrance of waffles and French toast floated through our section each time someone slipped in late.  By the time we sang the last song, and the doors were thrown open, I was craving something I hadn't even been thinking about when I first sat down, and it reminds me that 2 Corinthians 2:14-16 says, in Christ, we have the opportunity to spread a different aroma and stir up a life-changing craving ...

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.


Oh, that we would not forget that we were once smelly, too.  That we would not fail to see Christ at the waffle counter, or miss the opportunity to spread His life-giving aroma to the world.


Jesus definitely eats waffles. 

Why I Love 6 Year Olds

30 seconds after I walked into Kimbo's house last night, Creth was singing me a song about monkeys in a tree complete with swinging hip motions and a giant snapping alligator clapping motion -- all five verses!

Sitting down to dinner a few minutes later, this conversation begins ...

Creth:  Miss Christine?
Me:  Yes, Crethy?
Creth:  What's your name?
Me:  Kristen
Creth:  Oh yeah! ... Miss Christine, you know how we're 'posed to give something up for um ... uh ... till Easter?
Me: Yes
Creth:  Wull, um, (dancing beside my chair throughout the entire exchange), I'm giving up my friend Berkely across the street 'cause she's mean!

This was said with a decisive nod of his head.  I did my dead level best to keep a straight face, but failed miserably.  Kimbo finally put me out of my misery and told me it was okay to laugh.  I cracked up, and Creth stood there beside my chair smiling proudly at his own cleverness.  Then, the conversation continued:

Me:  Creth, how long has it been since you've seen Berkley?
Creth:  Uh, I don't know, a few days?
Me:  Didn't Lent start last week?
Creth: Yeah, but last week I gave up spankings.

My eyes immediate swing back to Kimbo for confirmation.  She says, "Yeah, it worked great until he got in trouble.  He was sitting in the chair waiting for his dad to come get him, screaming, 'BUT I GAVE UP SPANKINGS!!!" at the top of his lungs."  Guess, he didn't realize mom and dad hadn't given them up!

I love this kid!

Words That Are Rockin' My World Today

A coworker dropped a set of books by my office today with the comment, "If you can use these, find a place for them, otherwise, trash them!"  So, an hour or so later when my computer crashed and I had to wait for it to reboot, I began reading the introduction.  The book is Establishing a Church-based Welfare-to-Work Mentoring Ministry: A Practical 'How To' Manual by Dr. Amy L. Sherman.  In just the first four pages, here is some of the treasure I've found ...

"God is passionate for the poor and commands His disciples to imitate that passion and be His hands and feet of mercy to the needy."

"We become a visible, tangible demonstration of the reality and power of God when we imitate the Lrod Jesus' compassion for the poor, weak, and broken."

"...the spiritual health of our congregations will be enriched through our engagement with needy families."

"...when we allow ourselves to be touched with the brokenness and pain experienced by our needy neighbors, then an oh-so-needed 'holy discontent' can begin to grow within us.

"It is a wonderful gift to be reminded of our inadequacy, for God has told us that it is when we are weak that Christ's strength is perfected in us."

"There is an immediacy and an urgency about poor people's relationship to God that we can learn much from."

On the Bible as a "recipe for life":  "The world can't smell a recipe; they smell fresh baked bread ... When the world sees us ministering to hurting people the way Jesus Christ did, then it smells the Bread of Life."

Mercy is a voluntary sorrow that joins itself to the suffering of another ~ Gregory of Nyssa

I Like Rules

I like rules.  I never realized how much I like rules.  But, I do.  I like them.  I like to know exactly where the line is, so that I know if or when I'm crossing it.  I like to draw neat, clean lines and show them to others so they know if and when they're crossing them, too.  Rules make things simple, straightforward, uncomplicated.
I don't like messes. When life gets messy, I fight an urge to run the other direction ... a strong urge.
Every day, in my job, I work with people whose lives are messy.  Some of the messiest I've ever seen.  It is often tempting to make rules and draw lines for them (generally, around myself) to keep things from getting any more complicated than they already are.  But, real life relationships with people don't work well like that.  It's very difficult to truly impact a life from a safe distance away.  This truth frustrates me, honestly.  I'd like things to be simpler.  But you know what?  When it's easy, it's never nearly as much fun as when you fight for it.  So, while I'd prefer for there to be hard and fast rules for dealing with messy people, I'm learning that most rules are made to be bent if not broken.  Life is not about rules but about people, about hearts.  Hearts that have been broken and need to be healed.  Rules don't heal.  Grace and mercy, they bring healing.  So, as much as I like rules, I'm working on trading in my love of rules for some extra measures of those ... grace and mercy.

... because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.And so he condemned sin in sinful man,in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.

Romans 8:2-4

You Don't Grow Weary

Today, I am in awe of how God continues to make the most familiar things new.

Last night, I was in the middle of a worship service, singing a very familiar song about strength arising when we wait upon the Lord, when I was suddenly completely taken with the line that says, "You do not faint; you won't grow weary."

You know what kills a relationship faster than anything for me?  Weariness.  I am not a patient or long-suffering person, and I am easily wearied by others needing something from me.  (What's particularly crazy about that is how much I like to feel needed in the beginning - something to analyze at another time!)  This is not something I am proud of or pleased with, but it is true. And, because it's true of me, I am very guilty of assuming it is true for everyone else, including God.

You see, I'm a great projector.  I am quick to magnify and project whatever I'm thinking or feeling, particularly about myself, onto those around me.  So, when I'm weary of others, -- or worse yet, when I'm weary of myself -- it is so easy for me to assume that everyone else, especially God who sees and knows ALL is weary of me and my junk, too.

And, logically, when I've determined that someone is weary of me, I seek to remedy that by pulling away from them, making myself scarce for a time, giving them the space they haven't asked for.  :-/

So, having been frustrated with my own shortcomings lately, I've been giving God some space from me, offering Him a break from my incessant neediness of Him. No, He didn't ask for that space, but I figured I'd give it to Him anyway.

Then, last night, I sang those words in an auditorium full of worshiping women.  "You do not faint/ You won't grow weary."  Sheesh!  It was as if I was hearing it for the very first time.  Clear as day, something deep in my spirit spoke up, affirming that lyric:

Do you not know?
       Have you not heard?
       The LORD is the everlasting God,
       the Creator of the ends of the earth.
       He will not grow tired or weary, 
       and his understanding no one can fathom.

Isaiah 40:28

I sunk down in my seat, grabbed a pen, and jotted down the following thoughts:

You do not grow weary.

 - not weary of me.

 - not weary of my needs.

 - not weary of my failure.

 - not weary of my exhaustion

 - not weary of my cries, my prayers, my petitions.

 - not weary of my burdens

 - not weary of my questions.

You. do. not. grow. weary.

Counting Well

I have a new blog love.  www.oddlyspecific.com  Yesterday, they posted this ...

And the caption with it read, "When I die, I hope I’m remembered for more than my taste in plants."  Me, too!

On Wednesday, I think I read the most chilling words I have yet to find in scripture.  As the terribly sad (and disgusting!) story of a wicked king named Jehoram comes to a close, 2 Chronicles 21 has this to say about him. "And he departed with no one's regret."

Both of these radically different sources have had my thoughts in a funk this week.   I am a firm believer in beginning with the end in mind.  I have a short but serious list that I hope people remember about me, and I'm doing my best to work toward that goal every day.  Sometimes, my fear of dying without clearly communicating those things shakes me to the core.

Sadder still is the thought of wasting my life, living so selfishly that when I'm gone, there would be no one who'd miss me.

Yet, just when I've got myself totally worked up about the prospect of such tragedies, I hear the Psalmist speak from Psalm 90:12, "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom," and I am reminded that I would do well to ask this very thing of the Lord today for myself.

Believing is Seeing

Faith is being sure of what we hope for, certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

  

When a specific verse or theme is mentioned repeatedly from a variety of sources in the span of a week, I tend to sit up and take notice.  Last week, that theme was "faith" and the recurring passage was Hebrews 11:1.  You can ask me or ask anyone who knows me whether or not I have faith, and the answer will undoubtedly be yes.  But, lately, I've been learning a deeper lesson about faith that believes what it cannot see.

I've had a front row seat for about a month now to a situation that, by all counts, appears hopeless.  Multiple times a week, I find myself starting out a prayer with "God, I don't see how you could bring good from this ..." but before I can even finish the thought, I hear Hebrews 11:1 playing in my memory, "...certain of what we do not see." 

Growing up in church, hearing about faith all my life, I never thought it was that tough of a concept.  But, now, I'm realizing, believing God for something I know is His will, that I'm asking for in Jesus' name, agreeing with other believers about, but I cannot see any evidence of whatsoever at the moment, takes faith on a whole new level. 

And, I'm reminded of Joshua 6:1-2.

Now Jericho was tightly shut up because of the Israelites. No one went out and no one came in. Then the LORD said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men..."

Did you catch that?  Jericho was shut up tightly.  Impenetrable.  Then God says, "See, I'm going ot give you that."  God asks Joshua to see a reality beyond all physical evidence or circumstance.  He wants Him to see the victory before the march around the walls has even begun!  I am so encouraged by that! 

For me, today, believing is seeing.  Believing God can and will do what I can barely bring myself to speak of or hope for, is looking at a securely fortified city and knowing victory is as good as accomplished.

I would have dispaired had I not believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait on the Lord and be of good cheer, He will strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord. Psalm 27:13-14

Peace in the Strangest Places

This morning I decided my verse for the day would be Psalm 94:19, "When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, your consolations, O Lord, will be my delight."  For a couple of weeks now, I've found it very difficult to find inner quiet.  I don't know exactly how to explain what's been going on in my head, except to say that things are never still or quiet.  There's a constant list of things that need to be done, people that need to be called, friends that need to be prayed for, books that need to be read, tasks that need to be completed, events that need to be planned, special occasions that need to be celebrated, and on and on and on.  It's exhausting.  As I stole my few minutes of time alone with the Lord this morning before rushing to sit in traffic on my way to work, I asked Him to grant me peace, begged Him to let me find that quiet I was lacking. 
My morning passed in a blur.  I had two hours to return phone calls, answer emails, and publish and pass out a newsletter before my 10 o'clock meeting which would push past 11 o'clock, and then I had to leave no later than noon to be at the court house for a jury duty summons at 12:30.  All morning long, the running list of things I had to accomplish and things I hoped to accomplish, and things I was going to have to apologize for not accomplishing was swirling through my thoughts.  It was awful.
Then, I got to the courthouse.  I made my way through the metal detectors, wound through the line of jurors being processed into the large jury room, scanned my summons, and crawled across three women to one of the last open seats.  I made polite small talk with the lady beside me, offered her one of the two books I'd brought with me (yes, I was prepared!), then sat back and observed the people.  It was tempting to fret about all that I wasn't getting done, but suddenly, I realized there was nothing I could do about it.  I hadn't chosen this date or time, but I was summoned.  I didn't have email or work or anything else but a book with me, and because there was nobody there I knew, there was nobody there to bother me.  I sat ... quietly.  I read a bit, and then I just sat. 
About 30 minutes into it, I realized that my head was quiet, my thoughts were still.  I was at peace.  I stayed there for 2 1/2 hours, jurors getting assigned to various courts, announcements being made, my name never being called.  And, then, it was over.  I was dismissed.  I was back at my desk by 3:15 p.m., but I was at peace.  I'd had the break that I so desperately craved. 
Like a very special gift only He could arrange, God provided the peace I was longing for in the strangest of places, a jury room.

500 years ...

I've been thinking a lot lately about God's promise-keeping nature.  I know in my head that God is a faithful promise keeper, but I also know that I'm frequently oblivious to that fact on a daily basis.  I want to want the things that please the Lord and to live boldly confident that He's delighted to provide them.

Today, I read from several different passages.  The first was Genesis 5, mostly a geneology, with a few familiar names sprinkled throughout, including Noah.  Genesis 5:32 says, "After Noah was 500 years old, he became the father of Shem, Ham, and Japheth."  500 years old?  Seriously?  I mean, I know that people lived longer back then, but even in the rest of the chapter, most people started having kids before their 200th birthday.  Noah was seriously behind.  And, then he had the whole ark thing and the 120 years.  I just had to stop a minute and ponder that.  Why in the world did God wait 500 years before making Noah a father?  Was Noah concerned that he might not have sons to carry on his family at any point in those 500 years?  Did waiting 500 years to have sons and then being blessed with three sons shape Noah's relationship with God and willingness to trust Him when it came time to build an ark on dry land?

Then, the last passage I read this morning was from Luke 2.  It was the story of Simeon, the guy who believed the Lord had spoken to him and promised him that he would see the Christ before he died.  I don't know how old Simeon was, but he seemed ready to die once he'd held the baby Jesus and recognized Him as the Messiah.  I wonder how long he'd been waiting for that promise to be fulfilled?  I wonder if he ever felt crazy?  I wonder if others thought him strange?  Did he tell them what he was waiting to see?  I wonder if he ever had health problems and doubted in his own mind the Voice that had made that promise?  It was a pretty radical hope to cling to after 400 years of silence from the Lord or His prophets.

All of this led me to thinking  about the things I'm asking God for, waiting on Him to accomplish, believing He will do.  There are some very specific hopes I have placed in Him, things I have felt led to pray that seem a bit wild and far-fetched even in my own mind most days, times when I am sure I heard His voice but I could never prove it.  The longing, the waiting, the hoping, the anticipating ... it's what drives me to my knees, draws me closer to Him over and over again.  Today, as I thought about Noah and Simeon, I tried to imagine what it would truly be like to have all those dreams fulfilled, and I began a new prayer in earnest, that God would never fulfill one promise without giving me another so that I might never cease to long for and hope in Him.


May no promise fulfilled ever satisfy me like the simple joy of knowing Christ.


"What I once considered gain, I now consider loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord." Philippians 3:8

10 Resolutions for 2010

Resolved, I will pray more and worry less.
Resolved, I will read more and watch tv less.
Resolved, I will cook more but eat alone less.
Resolved, I will see more sunrises and fewer midnights.
Resolved, I will save more, give more and spend less.
Resolved, I will love more and preach less.
Resolved, I will rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.
Resolved, I will allow the Truth to set me free.
Resolved, I will practice being today the woman I hope to become tomorrow.
Resolved, I will live boldly and fear less.