Thirty for 30!: Clean Out Your Closets

You know you've been needing to do it for some time now. Today's the day! Clean. Out. Your. Closet. You've got clothes and shoes you haven't actually seen much less worn in YEARS. You've got coats -- more coats than we'll actually have cold spells this Texas winter. Clean. Them. Out. Why? Because there are people in your community who NEED them, not to decorate or clutter their closets, but to keep them and their families warm. If you want to know where to take your treasures, start here. Cornerstone Assistance Network in Fort Worth has a ministry that can put almost any of your items to good use. If we don't, I bet we know someone who does! Other agencies with whom you should check include Catholic Charities and World Relief.

Thirty for 30!: It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time

My boss is the director of the Cornerstone Community Center in Fort Worth, and he is absolutely full of wonderful ideas for community ministry. If you live nearby and need a community ministry consultant, I highly recommend him! Today's idea is one of his, and I think it's great! Jesse recommends involving children, as young as preschoolers, in a food drive for your local food pantry by hosting a peanut butter and jelly drive! Easier still is to tie a peanut butter and jelly drive/collection into your next children's ministry event. Make a jar of peanut butter or jelly the price of admission!

Thirty for 30!: Go Shopping

Today only, Coldwater Creek will donate $1 to Susan G. Komen for every person who comes into a store and tries on clothing. They'll also donate 10% of your total in-store purchase today to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. And, if I do say so myself, shopping is way more fun than eating yogurt!

Thirty for 30!: Care for Orphans

So far, Thirty for 30! has offered you fairly simple challenges you can incorporate into your regular living. Today, I'm stepping it up a notch or two ... or fifty! You see, last Saturday at a church event, I was visiting with some women, and our conversation led to a discussion of the horror stories we'd heard about child welfare/foster care agencies. About the time one of my sweet friends exclaimed, "I just can't believe who they let be foster parents sometimes!" we were all struck with a sobering reality. If none of us was willing to take children into our home, what right did we have to complain about those who are willing?

Before my mom and dad have a heart attack, I need to pause right here and say that at this time, as a nearly-30 year old single woman, living on a very modest salary, I am not currently making plans to take in foster children -- not yet. So, Big Dave and Little Steph can return to their regularly scheduled breathing habits.

Now, some of you are in a more stable position and may just need to take a few minutes to read thoughtfully over the information provided here. I don't whether or not the Lord's calling you to become a foster parent, or just to get actively invovled in supporting the foster care system, but I think it's a valid question to ask yourself before you dismiss it entirely. I do know He's incredibly clear in his Word that true religion involves caring for orphans and widows . I'm just sayin ...

Thirty for 30!: Stay Up Late

What else are you gonna do on a Friday night? If you're within driving distance of Keller, Texas tonight, I highly recommend you make it out to Old Town Keller for a wonderful community event, the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. From 6:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m., you'll have the opportunity to celebrate the extraordinary lives of cancer survivors, remember those who fought bravely against the disease, and fight back with those who are currently doing battle. Join my friend Erika and the rest of the ACS team in Keller for this worthwhile event.

Thirty for 30!: Respond

Our church put out a plea via email today. It seems that the local shelters housing evacuees from the recent hurricane disasters are in need of men's socks and t-shirts in XL, XXL, and XXXL. The church will be collecting these items between now and Sunday.

If you live nearby and want to drop off some of these items, feel free, but that's not the point of this post. The point I want to make today is exactly what the title says, RESPOND.

It is entirely too often that we hear of a need, even a simple need like this one, but we do nothing. And, I'd guess that most often it's not because we don't care. We honestly just can't fathom being stranded in an unfamiliar city, unable to go home, in need of something as basic as socks and t-shirts, and if we were to really think about that happening to us or someone we know and love, the grief would be paralyzing. So, we do nothing.

Today's Thirty for 30! challenge is simply to respond. Commit to yourself that the next time you hear of a need that's within your reach, you'll respond.

Thirty for 30!: Meet Your Neighbors

Do you know who lives next door? How about across the street? If someone on your block needed a cup of sugar, would they knock on your door? More importantly, if they had a need for prayer or a question about spiritual matters, would they know to come to you? I googled a bit and discovered that most "neighborhood ministries" are geared toward looking out of for the impoverished and disenfranchised. I absolutely support that, but not to the exclusion of our literal neighbors.

Acts 1:8 is our church's theme for ministry this year. It says, "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." The idea of this passages seems to be that our witness begins with those closest to us and expands from there.

This one always gets me. You see, I don't know my neighbors. I've met the guy next door once. I've waved at the family across the street a couple of times. I received a mean note on my car once about parking on the wrong side of the street from one of them, but it was typed and unsigned. I'm not sure who did that. :-\

So, my goal this next year is to meet my neighbors, to pray for them, to pray with them, to let it be known that my home is a place of prayer and their needs and concerns and questions about faith are welcome here in hopes that it just might make a difference.

If you're wondering about what to do once you've introduced yourself, www.meettheneighbors.org offers some good suggestions.

Thirty for 30!: Ride Your Bike

Last week I got schooled by a 79 year old man on a bicycle! I was finishing up my ride for the day, struggling in my last mile coming up to the house when a white bearded man on a gorgeous performance bike pulled up next to me and my wal-mart speed racer. After a gentle lecture about always traveling with water, he proceeded to ride alongside me, visiting about bike riding, his 9 years' experience riding for Team in Training, and how this year's ride in Tucson will likely be his last. "Why?" I wondered allowed -- that whole nosy thing, you know. I seriously about wrecked my bike when he answered, "Well, at 79, I figure I'll have to stop sometime, and this year, I'm actually starting to feel the strain of training." Wow!
It'll be a while before me and my Walmart special are ready for 109 miles around Tucson, but on October 18, there's a more local opportunity to support a great cause. Tour de Cure is a bike ride around Texas Motor Speedway benefitting the American Diabetes Association. And, they've got events going on around the country! Check them out!

Thirty for 30!: Increase Your Vocabulary

I love words. I can't help it. I just do. There are few things in life more satisfying than finding the right word to accurately communicate an idea. That's why I love www.freerice.com. It's an online vocabulary quiz, and the prize for each correct answer is a donation of 20 grains of rice made through the UN World Food Program. And, if you miss a word, you're provided with the correct answer and an opportunity to keep playing!

Thirty for 30!: Eat Yogurt

While cleaning the kitchen Saturday morning, my roommate produced a plastic sandwich baggie that held a spoon and several foil tops from the yogurt she takes to work for lunch most days. I thought it odd that the foil tops were coming back to the house, so I asked what she was doing with them. "I'm washing them," she replied matter of factly, as though that should be obvious. Indeed, she was running them under the faucet, so I guess I could have figured that one out, but the bigger question in my mind was WHY? So, being the nosy roommate that I am, I continued my probing into her strange behavior. That's when I discovered she was planning to mail them back to Yoplait because they'll donate 10 cents to Susan G. Komen for the Cure, a breast cancer research foundation, for each one she sends them. Frankly, I'm a lot more likely to just get online and make an online donation than to save and wash and mail yogurt lids, but I admire her dedication to doing what she can to make her breakfast/lunch treat count. And, we do consume a lot of yogurt in this house. I wonder how many labels we can come up with in the next few weeks!

[YOOJ]

Two years ago this week, I embarked on a journey that has been my most joyful yet. There were three of us in my den the first night that "Refuge" met, and Erin led us through a study of Psalm 1. I remember praying with those girls, committing to God that we would be faithful to meet and grow together even if He didn't choose to add to our number. And, I believe we would have felt blessed if that's how He'd seen fit to do things, but none of us could have imagined the greater blessing He had in store for us as He added to our numbers over the next two years.

We call ourselves [YOOJ] from the phonetic spelling of the word refuge: 1. shelter or protection from danger, trouble 2. a place of shelter, protection, or safety 3. anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape.

It's because of these women that the description of the church in Acts 2 makes sense to me. Thinking about [YOOJ] and the way they love one another is the only time I can even begin to get my mind around it! Acts 2:42-47 says, "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."

A Costume Party, October 2006


Amber's Wedding, March 2007


Serving lunch at CCWJC, May 2007


Erin's Birthday, May 2007


Steph's Engagement Party, May 2007


Black and White Night Out, August 2007


Costume Party, October 2007


At and EFC Concert, November 2007


Roadtrip!, August 2008


All Dressed Up, August 2008


Breakfast at IHOP, September 2008


Stephanie's Wedding, September 2008

What's God Been Teaching You Lately?

Today I received an email asking me to be prepared to share "What God's Been Teaching Me Lately" at staff devotion time tomorrow morning. It's a simple request without a simple answer. I think I'll narrow it down to just one before tomorrow morning (for the sake of ALL involved), but for now, I have compiled a TOP 10 list, and I'd ask you to contribute your own lessons, too.

1. God is making Himself known in my life as the Great Redeemer, one who does not waste a thing but is willing to use all things for His glory and our good.
2. An unexpected theme in my life over the last eight months has been God as Rescuer, mighty to save. He comes quickly when we call to Him!
3. The Law of the Harvest. I will spend more time on this one soon, I promise. "Those who sow in tears shall DOUBTLESS come again rejoicing, carrying their sheaves with them!"
4. Boiling Frogs continues to be a theme, particularly as I am reading through I Kings right now. We must not allow the culture around us to determine the standard for personal holiness.
5. Rescue and Redemption are worth the wait. Those who wait on the Lord will not be disappointed.
6. God is good ALL the time. In every circumstance. Despite any "evidence" to the contrary. Right now. Today. Where I am. In all that I've been given and in every thing I've been denied. He is good.
7. God's love is perfect; it does not fail. I don't ever have to wonder if He's made a mistake this time.
8. Jesus is better. No matter what competes for my attention, the good things and the bad things, Jesus is better.
9. Don't just stand there; make a difference! Regret isn't just for the things we shouldn't have done. It's also for the things we should have done but didn't.
10. Tear down the "high places." God desires our undivided devotion, and He does not settle for anything less.

Labor Day Weekend = Family Fun

Friday night we had a family dinner at Jaclyn and Danny's house. Jaclyn's got mad enchilada makin' skills!

Then, Big Dave set up the Wii. Here's Gina in the process of sending Danny down for the count!

Gina, Travis, and I enjoyed a nice lazy visit on the couch before dinner. It's always fun to laugh together!

Grant is such a sweet boy. We got a kick out of his pointing game with Nana.

Donna and Travis went head to head on Wii Ski!

No Horton Family Gathering is complete without a little posing. Here are "The Three D's and Nana".

And, of course, the Mothers and Daughters. Aren't we colorful?

Mom and Me

Daddy LOVED posing for this one! ;-)

We just needed Jill and Daisy to make this one complete!

Nana and all 8 of her siblings were together on Saturday!

Jax and Lester getting acquainted :-)

Sweet Grant was easily entertained anytime there was a ball to chase.

Daddy enjoying some of John's YUMMY ribs!

Is it any wonder Jax was all tuckered out???

I'm a Big Fan

I'm a big fan of:

Valerie, a new hairstylist at Regis in Northeast Mall ... Eleven Fingered Charlie, who are playing in Lubbock on Wednesday, Sept. 3 ... Sonic Happy Hour ... Nephew Cousins ... signing up for new adventures a la sprint triathlons ... Long Talks with New Friends ... Big Laughs with Old Friends ... 3 Day Weekends ... Overnight Trips with the Girls ... Texas Longhorn Football ... Watching My Parents Play Wii ... John Mayer ... google reader ... Law and Order: SVU ... George Lopez ... DVR ... Team USA ... and Purple Highlighters.

That is all.

G'Day

The Shack

I really wasn't going to do this, but lately, it seems almost unavoidable. Every day this week someone has brought it up. On a blog, in a conversation, over the phone, in the chiropractor's office ... it seems rare to make it very far through my schedule without encountering someone who wants to talk about this book, The Shack.

So far, I've encountered two polarized reactions. Conservative evangelical "theologians" hate it, decry it as heretical, and denounce any who would call it good. Others, perhaps less theologically astute, love it. They're enchanted by a well-crafted story, they're captivated by the idea of a God who's love is extravagant beyond their wildest imagination, and they're ready to talk about it.

I don't write book reviews. I wouldn't know where to start. All I can write are my own thoughts and opinions about what I experienced when I read the book and some of my conversations with others who've read it.

A) This is a work of fiction, a finely crafted story that was never intended to be a theological textbook. Period. Most of my beloved theologians follow that sentence with but ... No. There's not a but. That's all it is. When you get all steamed up and outraged over William P. Young's misrepresentation of the trinity, you're turning the book and the author into much more than either was every purporting to be.

B) Don't throw the perpetual baby out with the bath water. If you must, engage readers in a discussion about trinitarian theology. As Christian leaders, if our people do not have a solid enough understanding of biblical theology to discern fact from fiction, that's our fault, something we must seek to reconcile. Just do me a favor -- keep it interesting. Too often I've seen discussions of our wonderful, mysterious Triune God either bore people to sleep or confuse them beyond the ability to even contribute to the discussion. This is a great, marvelous mystery of our faith. Treat it as the awesome thing that it is. However, in your race to clarify the biblical nature of the Trinity, don't miss the other messages, perhaps the greater messages of The Shack.

C) You want to know what stuck with me after I read this book? This great, mysterious Triune God loves me with an outrageously extravagant love and seeks to make Himself known to me at my deepest point of need, in my greatest place of pain, and even when I'm not even sure I want to know Him. That is an incredible story -- straight out of scripture, I believe. (Romans 5:8, John 3:16, John 15:16)

D) William P. Young used one of the most horrific crimes imaginable as a backdrop to tell this story of extravagant love and grace and to address the issues of human grief, anger, helplessness, fear, and raw pain. And, he managed to do it in a way that didn't make a Sovereign God out to be the bad guy. That's rare these days, really rare.

E) I'm almost done, I promise. This book was passed to me by a friend who couldn't get past the introduction of the God the Father character being a large black woman named Papa. I hesitate to address this because I know I'm skating on very thin ice. I do not condone referring to God as "mother." I believe that God chose to reveal Himself to us in scripture using masculine language with reason and purpose. However, I also see throughout scripture where God possesses all of the nurturing traits of a loving, protective parent often associated with a mother. Every day, I work with women who never stood a chance of rightly relating to God as heavenly "father" because of the horrendous examples of fathers placed before them on this earth. A similar problem is presented for the main character in The Shack, a very painful, broken, guilt-laden relationship with his earthly father makes relating to his Heavenly Father almost impossible. Why then are we so outraged at the idea that God might choose make Himself known to a hurting child in a way that might be more readily understood? I'd be surprised to hear that William P. Young believes God is a woman, but I would not be surprised to hear that he used a physical description to help us understand a spiritual reality. When I was broken, God made Himself known to me as Comfort. When I was errant, He disciplined me with the firm hand of a Father. When I was restless, He spoke Peace over me. And, when I was a captive, my Rescuer was mighty to save. Much like the story in this book, as the main character's understanding of God and relationship with God changes, so does the way that God makes Himself known to him. It's a dynamic relationship. Hopefully, just like your relationship with God.

I'm not willing to call The Shack a great Christian classic or put it up on a literary pedestal with The Pilgrim's Progress or In His Steps. It's not a hill I'm willing to die on, either. I will not be breaking fellowship with those of you who disagree with me. If you haven't read this book, I am not encouraging you to do so. I can think of plenty of other, less controversial, more biblically accurate literature on which you could spend your leisure time. But, for those of you who have read it, and are dialoguing about it, I wanted to give you some things to consider.

Wretched [Wo]man That I Am!

Twice in the last 24 hours someone has said to me, "Oh! You're so sweet!"

-- Those of you who really know me well are already laughing. Stop it and listen. I'm serious. :-P --

I wish I could accurately explain what goes on in my head when I hear those words. It's the strangest internal dialogue really. I know that I'm supposed to accept a compliment graciously and not try to argue with or deflect it, but there's this sarcastic little scoff that I hear first, and it takes everything in me not to say, "if only you knew!" Or sometimes I think about saying, "Really? Cause I thought you knew me better than that ..."

And, here's the deal. Most of the time when I hear something like that, whatever words or actions have earned me that praise are sincere. I mean, I don't tend to go around doing "sweet" or kind things with a hateful motive. I genuinely want to be helpful or encouraging to others. But the reality is that I know myself well, and I'm pretty wretched. I'm selfish. I'm sarcastic. Too often, I lack compassion. I've got an insidious pride issue. And the list could go on ...

I've read some great stuff recently on a right view of God, and one of the things I know about an increasing understanding of His holiness is that it leads to a better understanding of our own desperate need for a sinless Savior. I think the best response I could have to someone finding anything worthwhile in me is, "Praise the Lord!" for surely it is only by His grace that I am able to be a blessing in even the smallest ways.

Making a Difference

If you've been around me recently, you know I'm fired up about something very positive ... making a difference! I've decided to cease being overwhelmed with the enormity of needs around me, to stop seeing the forest and missing the trees. Hundreds of thousands of organizations around the globe are making it easier and easier to make a difference in people's lives in the simplest ways. I know a little about a few of them. I'm working to learn more. I want your help. On October 14, I'll be turning 30 years old, and I've decided to celebrate 30 fabulous years of a blessed life by doing what I can to make a difference. For 30 days leading up to October 14, I'll be featuring 30 different organizations offering you a chance to do something and make a difference. And, on October 14, I'll be celebrating with friends and family by asking you to donate items in support of an organization that is making a difference in a real and positive and Kingdom-minded way.

"30 for 30" will launch on September 14, but between now and then, I need your suggestions! I want to hear from you about the organizations and ministries close to your heart. Who have you seen making a difference and how can others get involved?

Have you considered having a diaper drive for your local crisis pregnancy center? Hosting a spaghetti supper to raise funds for your church's missions ministry? Throwing a "lingerie" shower for a local women's shelter? Tutoring children or adults in a literacy program? Helping your kids collect peanut butter and jelly for a local food pantry? Buying birthday and Christmas presents from World Crafts instead of Target?

There's a new section in my lefthand navigation bar that lists just a few of the organizations of which I am aware. Check them out, then send me info about others you know!

Leadership Summit

This week, the organization I work for has provided us with the opportunity to attend the Willow Creek Association Leadership Summit simulcast. I confess, I missed the Summit last summer because of a family wedding, and I wasn't all that heart broken -- but that's because I didn't know what I was missing. Yesterday, I took in so much great information and heard so many challenging speeches, I can hardly wait for the event to get started today. I hope to blog more about the great men and women I heard, their organizations, and their charges, but the thing that's stuck with me through last night was a quote by Marianne Williamson that Nelson Mandela used during his innagural speech. And, well, you know me, I love a good quote! Chew on this one.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Obviously, this is not scripture, and I'm sure we could debate a few theological points. I'm not encouraging you to memorize it or anything, just read it, think on it. See if it doesn't challenge you in some way.

32 and 55

August 7 is a special day in my family. It represents a wedding anniversary for my parents ... and my grandparents. I don't usually get too involved in celebrating either of them, generally a phone call will suffice, occassionally I get a card in the mail on time. My parents and I are not particulalry sentimental folks, so most of the time my phone call includes thanking them for putting up with each other so I could have a stable homelife or something that completely understates the significance of what their constant and faithful love for one another has provided for me.
Today, as I turned the page on my calendar, I felt like taking a little more time to stop and reflect on 32 and 55. 32 years is how long my parents have been married. 55 years is how long my grandparents have been married. That's a lot of years.
My friends and I joke that my parents in particular, are freakishly in love. It's not that they're overly affectionate or awkward to be around. They're actually very pleasant people and a lot of fun to be around. The freakish part comes in when you realize that not only have they been married to each other for 32 years, but they've been working for the same company (often carpooling to work with each other) for at least 18 of those years! And, when they get involved in stuff at church, it's always as a couple. They travel together, too, by themselves, for fun! And, you're just gonna have to take my word for it as someone who's been on the inside -- they're not even putting on a show. They genuinely enjoy being together, are kind and respectful toward one another, and daily live out one of the best pictures of marriage I can think of outside of scripture. And, stranger than any of that is that it's not forced. It's just the way they do life.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I mean, how is it that this seems to come so naturally for my folks, but people all over the world have found it so difficult? What am I not seeing? The truth is, I'm sure there's plenty I'm not seeing, but I'll tell you what I do see. I've often credited my dad with teaching me to "do what you know to be right." I don't know that I've ever heard my mom say those words unless she was quoting my dad, but I've seen her live them almost daily. This is the conclusion I've come to. 32 years ago my parents made a committment before God, one another, and everyone who loved them that they were going to love one another well for the rest of their lives. And, to the very best of their ability and with a lot of looking to the Lord for guidance, I believe they've taken that commitment seriously. I'm sure they could tell us stories of times they've fought for that happiness, fought for peace with one another. I'm sure they could tell us of difficult lessons they've learned along the way and how they've wrestled with consciously choosing to consider each other above themselves. But, somehow, they decided it was worth it. At some point, whether it was on that day 32 years ago, or maybe some other point since then, they decided that the reward was far greater than the struggle.
I started to try and list for you some of the rewards of that choice, but I don't think I can. It's not my marriage. I can tell you what their marriage means to me, but that's such a small piece of the overall rewards. I can tell you that just a few years ago, I sat in a room full of young couples who'd been touched by their lives and listened to story after story after story of families that were edified and encouraged because of the wisdom and example of my parents. I've never been more proud than I was that night.
Mama and Daddy, on your 32nd wedding anniversary, without a lick of sarcasm or humorous understatement, I want to publicly say the biggest thank you I can muster. Thank you for choosing to love. Thank you for setting an unbelievable example. Thank you for being "freakishly in love." Thank you for always putting each other first and never letting me sit in the middle. ;-)

A Quote from Spurgeon

I finished reading Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore this morning. She closes her final chapter with these words from Charles Spurgeon, and they've spoken to my soul today.

He bids me "Rise up," and well He may, for I have long enough been lying among the pots of worldliness. He is risen, I am risen in Him, why then should I cleave unto the dust? From lower loves, desires, pursuits, and aspirations. I would rise towards Him ... But Lord, how can a stone rise, how can a lump of clay come away from the horrible pit? O raise me, draw me. They grace can do it. Send forth Thy Holy Spirit to kindle sacred flames of love in my heart, and I will conitnue to rise until I leave life and time behind me, and indeed come away.

The Lord Has Done Great Things For Us!

100. I am thankful for a beautiful home where I feel safe, share space with a dear friend, and have the pleasure of demonstrating hospitality often.
99. I am thankful for a job that is the answer to prayers I didn't even know how to put into words.
98. I am thankful for a God who allows me to experience a dynamic relationship with Him, frequently revealing Himself to me in new ways as I grow in knowledge and understanding of His Word.
97. I am thankful for a family that knows and follows hard after God. I love that we love to be together.
96. I am thankful that things rarely stay as they are, that in Christ, no situation is hopeless.
95. I am thankful for a church where I have had the privilege of worshipping consistently for six years now, for a faith family that has nurtured my gifts and supported my calling.
94. I am thankful for the ability to love deeply, even when it hurts. Sometimes caring about others is painful, but it beats the numbness I've been all to familiar with in the past.
93. I am thankful that I live in an age of air conditioning. ;-)
92. I am thankful for the freedom to work out my salvation with fear and trembling.
91. I am thankful that God gives me people to hold my hand along the journey.
90. I am thankful that I know what it is to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.
89. I am thankful for the age of internet communication and the ability to keep in touch with so many friends spread out all over the world.
88. I am thankful that mercy is new every morning.
87. I am thankful for Papa's example of grace.
86. I am thankful that love keeps no record of wrongs.
85. I am thankful that my Redeemer is faithful and true.
84. I am thankful for the gift of laughter.
83. I am thankful for friends who care about enough to know my favorite things.
82. I am thankful for cousins who've become my best friends.
81. I am thankful for my health and how rarely I have to think about it.
80. I am thankful for God's provision in my life, how He continually proves Himself faithful to supply all my needs.
79. I am thankful that I know God is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do.
78. I am thankful that my best friend would answer the phone right now if I called her.
77. I am thankful that my parents have been such an amazing testimony of God's goodness in my life.
76. I am thankful for the women who have poured themselves into my life over the years, adding their wisdom, their love for the Lord, their fervent prayers to my journey.
75. I am thankful that God does not waste a thing.
74. I am thankful that Mimi made me learn to type when I was young.
73. I am thankful that Grandmother lived till I was grown.
72. I am thankful that when I call to Him, God answers.
71. I am thankful that God faithfully leads us beside still waters.
70. I am thankful that God is ridiculously kind to us and extravagantly generous.
69. I am thankful for the godly men who've been a part of my life and treated me with dignity I didn't always deserve.
68. I am thankful that Austin's only 3 hours away, and I get to visit there soon.
67. I am thankful that God always makes a way where there seems to be no way.
66. I am thankful I prayed boldly when I was younger.
65. I am thankful for the people who taught me to pray boldly.
64. I am thankful that I don't have to wait till November to give thanks.
63. I am thankful for others who blog, so I can learn from their experiences.
62. I am thankful for others who don't blog, who are content to listen or read while the rest of us verbally process.
61. I am thankful for friends who have the gift of loving loyally.
60. I am thakful for those who always believe the best.
59. I am thankful that repentance is always available and always my best option.
58. I am thankful Nana taught me to love vegetables and fresh fruit.
57. I am thankful my Mom is such a classy woman of integrity who never gave up on teaching me things that she believed were best for me.
56. I am thankful for every opportunity I've had to see the world from other vantage points.
55. I am thankful I always get to come home to Texas.
54. I am thankful for the education I've been provided, and the life lessons I learned along the way.
53. I am thankful that salvation is by grace through faith, not of myself.
52. I am thankful that when I look someone who is hurting from a broken heart in the eye and tell them that it does get better, I can say it with confidence, from experience.
51. I am thankful for friends who let me make their homes my own personal refuge, and welcome me into their families from time to time.
50. I am thankful that God invented sleep to recharge my batteries.
49. I am thankful that airplanes make long distance visits possible.
48. I am thankful that there's always room in my life for new friends, even when I don't realize I need them.
47. I am thankful that sometimes old friends become new again.
46. I am thankful that there are seasons.
45. I am thankful for the times I sit in awed silence at how wonderfully well God does things.
44. I am thankful that I've had the opportunity to "do life" with 8 amazing women for the last two years.
43. I am thankful for a boss who lives out his strong convictions on a daily basis and makes a difference in the lives of more people than we will ever know on earth.
42. I am thankful for how the Lord puts people in our lives who have a word of grace just when we need to hear it.
41. I am thankful that sometimes God sends people who take care of me, especially when I've worn myself thin trying to take care of others.
40. I am thankful that in every season of life, God's given me enough why's to keep me living for the next season.
39. I am thankful that I could feed of His faithfulness for the rest of my life just based on the things He's done up to now.
38. I am thankful that my family was spared any permanent damage from the recent hurricane.
37. I am thankful for how God gifts each of His children uniquely then puts us all together to learn from one another.
36. I am thankful no two snowflakes are the same.
35. I am thankful that those who look to Him are radiant and their faces are never covered in shame.
34. I am thankful that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.
33. I am thankful that joy comes in the morning.
32. I am thankful that all of God's promises are Yes and Amen in Christ.
31. I am thankful that greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.
30. I am thankful that perfect love casts out all fear.
29. I am thankful that when we confess our sin He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to purify us from all unrighteousness.
28. I am thankful that when I call on Him, He will answer me and show me great and mighty things which I have not known.
27. I am thankful that when I choose not to worry about anything but pray about everything, He guards my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.
26. I am thankful that there is victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
25. I am thankful that all who call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
24. I am thankful that it is He who fights for me; I need only be still.
23. I am thankful that the Lord is my rock and my refuge, a very present help in times of trouble.
22. I am thankful that God is my glory and the lifter of my head.
21. I am thankful that God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have ever lasting life.
20. I am thankful that His Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.
19. I am thankful that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.
18. I am thankful that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
17. I am thankful that by His stripes, I am healed.
16. I am thankful that the Lord longs to be gracious to me, He rises to show me compassion.
15. I am thankful that when all is barren, He is worthy to be praised.
14. I am thankful that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
13. I am thankful that joy comes in the morning.
12. I am thankful that he who sows in tears shall reap with joy.
11. I am thankful that God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
10. I am thankful that I was afflicted that I might learn His statutes.
9. I am thankful that I have whatever I ask according to His name.
8. I am thankful that when two or more are gathered in His name, He is there with us.
7. I am thankful that blessed is the man whose God is the Lord.
6. I am thankful that there is no want for the man who fears the Lord.
5. I am thankful to taste and see that God is good.
4. I am thankful that we are his flock, the sheep of his pasture.
3. I am thankful that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills.
2. I am thankful that He is rich in mercy.
1. I am thankful that He is doing a new thing.

Musician's Challenge

There's a song with lyrics that I love, but I can't find a version of it that I want to hear more than about once a week. (And, I've told you how much I love the "repeat" button!) So, I need you to go to iTunes, find the song "Let It Be Said of Us" and record it in a way that people will actually want to sing it. That is all.

Let it be said of us
That the Lord was our passion,
That with gladness we bore
Ev'ry cross we were given;

That we fought the good fight,
That we finished the course.
Knowing within us
the pow'r of the risen Lord.

Let the Cross be our glory
And the Lord be our song.
By mercy made holy
By the Spirit made strong.

Let the Cross be our glory
And the Lord be our song.
'Till the likeness of Jesus
Be thru us made known.

Let it be said of us:
We were marked by forgiveness.
We were known by our love,
And delighted in meekness.

We were ruled by His peace,
Heeding unity's call;
Joined as one body
that Christ would be seen by all.

Oh yeah, the original was written by Steve Fry.

Say

In honor of what is planned to be "The Best Week Ever" (Prison Break, Breakfast for Dinner, Rangers Baseball with [YOOJ] and friends, Pool Time, Cousin Company, John Mayer, and Colbie Caillat!!!) I am posting lyrics to my current favorite John Mayer song ...

SAY

Take all of your wasted honor.
Every little past frustration.
Take all of your so called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations.

Say what you need to say (x8)

Walkin' like a one man army,
Fightin' with the shadows in your head.
Livin' up the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead

If you could only...Say what you need to say (x8)

Have no fear for givin' in.
Have no fear for giving over.
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again.

Even if your hands are shaking,
And your faith is broken.
Even as the eyes are closin',
Do it with a heart wide open.

Say what you need to say (x7)

Say what you need to, Say what you need to...

Say what you need to say.

Quote

It's when we doubt that God is good that His commands become a burden. ~ Gregg Harris

Uncle Butch Quotes of the Day

I had lunch with Uncle Butch today. Yes, the same Uncle Butch we all thought might not live past May. He's alive and kicking, and as entertaining as ever. I will warn you up front that the quotes posted below do not reflect the views of the blogger, I'm only repeating what I heard over lunch today. If you're easily offended, I recommend you skip this post. Seriously.

#10. "I'm just like my sister." (If you know my mom, you know why this is funny.)

#9. B: When I go to a church and hear the preacher lyin' from the pulpit, I call him on it.
Me: When's the last time you went to church?
B: It's been a while.

#8. Me: I thought you weren't supposed to have any more red meat this week.
B: Yeah, but these are fajitas, they're already cut up.

#7. "I figure God left me here cause there's still about 5 billion people in the world I haven't pissed off yet."

#6. "I can't stand those damn homosexuals. I mean, I know my name's Butch, but ..."

#5. "If I put a bullet in my head every time I lost a job, I'd be a damn collander!"

#4. B: What's the word for me? You know, my peculiarities?
Me: Quirks?
B (not sounding satisfied): yeah ...
Me: Idiosyncrasies!
B: Yes! That's a great one! I like that one. That's a lot more syllables than the what people usually call me.
Me: Oh yeah? What's that?
B: Jack ass.

#3. "The doctors say I'm terminal. I told them, who isn't?"

#2. Me: Butch, when's the last time you cared what someone else thought?
B: Hmm, it's been a while. Maybe when I was 2?

#1. Me: Well, everyone knows what you're against, but what are you for?
B: I'm for making people think!

Vote for EFC

For those of you who don't know yet, my cousin is a rock star. I'm not bragging. He just is. He's amazing and talented and plays in a band. And he is quickly becoming more popular with my friends than I am. I'm okay with that. I think his music's more than good -- it's great. I want him to succeed. I think the world needs more music like THIS. That's why I'm telling you about him. He's got a SOLO PROJECT. He's also part of a band, ELEVEN FINGERED CHARLIE. Check them out. And, if you like their stuff (or if you just love me and want me to be happy), VOTE FOR THEM HERE.

Wii Box

It's all just talk ...

Today I got an email that made me nervous. It was a polite request for a meeting, but something about it raised a lot of questions and even alarms in my mind. Because I assumed I knew what the meeting would be about, I got angry. Then I got beligerent. I ranted for a while. I worried for a while. I huffed, and I puffed, and if there'd been anything wobbly nearby I'd have blown it down! As I sat in my chair, I caught sight of my cell phone from the corner of my eye. I love my cell phone cause my friends live in there. In a rush, I began to think about a variety of conversations I've had in the last two weeks with my friends. I thought about all of the things they are having to trust God for, and all of the times I have counseled them that trusting Him is the best and only way to weather life's storms. You can probably guess the next thought through my head. "Will you trust Me, Kristen?" Ah, man! I was busted. I had to run through a series of "But God's ..." before I finally surrendered. It's amazing what happens when you give to the Lord what's already His. I spent a little time telling Him how much I love the things I think might be threatened. I told him how scared I am of what the future might hold. I told him how nervous change and transition make me, especially when they come from so many angles all at once! I didn't hear any audible voice or have any real visions, but it wasn't hard for me to imagine my insanely patient, gracious heavenly Father nodding calmly as I listed each concern and saying simply, "I know."
He knows. He knew before the email came. It's all just talk until it's my turn to practice it, and I desperately want to live it well. So, I've given Him the email. I've given Him the meeting. I've given Him my future. (All things He already owned, of course!) Tonight, after a full day at work and three more hours at VBS, I finally had time to call a friend and give vent to all my concerns. You know what I found? I didn't have any. I got her on the phone, and I couldn't think of a worry one to tell her about. :-)
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:6-7

Boiling Frogs

This post must begin with a confession. I love pop culture. I am a sucker for countdowns of any kind. When I had cable, I was almost always tuned in to E! Entertainment News or whatever the current celeb-reality show was on VH1. If you give me a choice between Southern Living or People magazine while waiting for a my nail technician to get the pedicure water just the right temperature, I'm always picking People. Sometimes, my conscience gets the best of me, and I'll pick a news magazine over US or OK!, but not always. I have a cousin who prays for celebrities. She genuinely grieves when a celebrity marriage fails because she's honestly invested energy into praying for the couple. I'm not that good.

These are just the facts. You need to know this about me.

Not having cable has helped curb that appetite a lot. I don't have cable because I can't afford it, not because I'm trying to be holy or anything. I'm just saying ...

Anyway, about boiling frogs. It is said that if you place a frog in boiling water, he will hop right back out. But, if you place a frog in tepid water and slowly increase the temperature, he will adapt until he simply boils to death.

My love affair with pop culture has been much like boiling a frog I'm afraid, and it took leaving "civilization" for ten days to realize it. I was getting ready for work the other morning at my house, and the radio was on the top 40 station. I thoroughly enjoy their morning dj's, and I rarely pay attention to the lyrics of the songs until they're already stuck in my head. On this particular morning, there was a catchy song I didn't recognize playing when I turned off the hairdryer. For whatever reason, I actually listened to the lyrics. I got about two lines in before I ran for the buttons to change stations! It was so appalling to me. I was shocked, horrified, and disappointed that this station that makes me laugh so much in the mornings would make that song part of their format. I was indignant!

That indignation lasted about two seconds before conviction set in and the tender voice of the Holy Spirit showed me that my conscience had been slowly boiling to death for a long time now. The truth is that the song I turned off is appalling, but so are most of the others ones I don't turn off. The truth is that I should have been shocked and horrified that I let that trash into my room that morning, but the reality is that I'd been pumping a whole lot of other trash through those speakers for way too long.

For much of last week, there was a sentence that kept running through my mind, and I wanted to blog about it. "Sin is never the right way." It was the Holy Spirit's way of reminding me that sin is never justifiable, and it's never something that God can or will bless. In His grace, he doesn't drop me dead, but he could, and he'd be right to do so. This week, the thing that keeps running through my head, something that I'm going to have a much harder time really heeding, is "Sin is not funny." I know many of you are thinking, "Well, duh, Kristen." And maybe you have a much healthier conscience and sense of humor than I do. If that's the case, I am so glad for you. The truth is, I don't. I laugh at all the wrong things. I am not easily offended. I am quick to forget that a Holy Spirit dwells in me and is grieved by anything that is dishonoring to the Lord or separating God from the world He sent His Son to save. The truth is I rarely change the channel be it on the radio or the television. And, the truth is, I should. A lot more often than I do.

There is an old joke about Baptists and beer. It says don't take one Baptist fishing with you cause he'll drink all your beer. Take two. They'll never touch the stuff.

I think that's a lot like the way I approach pop culture. If you were sitting in my car, in my home, in my room with me and something like that came on the airwaves, I'd pretend to be horrified, and I'd quickly switch it something more edifying. But, when you're not there to watch me pretend to be holy, most of the time I don't bother. I just let it play and pretend like I'm not boiling.

God, give me stronger convictions. Teach me to love what you love and to hate what you hate. Make me aware of and sensitive to things that grieve your Holy Spirit. Forgive me for allowing myself to be so comfortable in such slowly boiling water. Give me courage to jump out before the temperature can be turned up another notch.

My Daddy, My Daddy, My Sweet Sweet Daddy!

Someday (hopefully sooner than later) I plan to write a book called "Daddy's Girl" and include pictures like these, not just from my own collection, but also from my friends, along with stories about girls and their daddies. The idea first came to me about two years ago when sweet friends were expecting their first child. Upon finding out that they were expecting a little girl, he seemed distraught. "What am I going to do with a girl?" I laughed. Hard. (I know that's tough to imagine, but ...) I laughed because according to my grandmother, it's exactly what my dad said the day I was born. The doctor had been so sure they were expecting "Jonathan Fain Eugene" and out came "Kristen Rea." Nana says Daddy, the football coach, walked into the waiting room with a stunned look on his face and said very slowly, "It's a girl. What do you do with a girl?" :-) I sat with my friends that day and began telling stories of things that made my relationship with my daddy special and talking about all of the wonderful opportunities he would have as a daddy to create special memories with his little girl.

I haven't written the book, but I did come across these pictures the other day. David Horton is the finest man I know. The man that the world sees and knows and loves is the same man at home. He's full of integrity, gives wise and godly counsel ("Do what you know to be right."), has an incredibly tender heart of compassion (that is often hidden by the way he laughs when people get hurt), is gifted with an ability to put others at ease in almost any situation, and for 32 years has done the best thing any father can do for a child -- he loves my mom!

Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love you.

When It Seems Easier Not to Believe

I had a conversation last week with a friend who calls himself a skeptic/atheist. He wants to question God about why things have happened in his life, but he's not entirely certain there is a God to be questioned.

This was a difficult conversation for me because everything in me wanted to defend God. How dare he not believe in the Almighty? How dare he not trust God's divine providence? How dare he question God's goodness? The funny thing is, whether blatantly or inadvertantly, I am fairly certain I pose a lot of the same questions on a frequent basis in my own heart and mind.

Believing God isn't always easy.

As I thought about all that this friend has experienced, and I reflected back on painful seasons in my own life, I realized that sometimes it really does seem easier not to believe.

I wrote a few weeks ago about Habakkuk. I'm preparing to teach Habakkuk 2 tomorrow night, and I'm increasingly intrigued by the prophet's relationship with God. The prophet asked honest questions, rooted in his knowledge of and confidence in God's character. God answered with a vision. Only, it wasn't the vision of the end, it was a vision of the middle of things. It wasn't the picture of God and His people triumphing. It was a picture of evil men overtaking God's people, followed by a picture of the same evil men being destroyed by their own pride. It was ugly and dark and terrifying. And, still, Habakkuk responds with praise. And, I am challenged. Will I do the same?

Sometimes, particularly in the darkness where daily life feels like an open wound being opened and salted repeatedly until we become blinded and numb by grief and pain, when evil appears to triumph over good, and the Rescuer is nowhere in sight, it seems easier not to believe. Isn't it easier to believe that there's Nobody or Nothing out there than to have to cling desperately to the belief that an all-knowing, all-powerful, sovereign God not only allowed our circumstances but has not chosen to change them?

I remember clearly the day I cried out to Him in anguish, telling Him how I wished He wasn't there, so I wouldn't feel so angry and betrayed by what He hadn't done. Scripture likens that conversation to the clay calling out to the potter, and it's truly laughable now, but it was no laughable matter at the time.

Here's some of what I learned from that place.

A) God does ordain darkness. There are times when He allows His children to walk through dark places for a variety of reasons. Isaiah 50:10 says, "Let Him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on His God."

B) God never leaves us in the darkness. His silence does not equal His absence.

C) God and I have different definitions of good. Psalm 73:28, "But as for me, the nearness of God is my good." Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 119:71, "It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes."

D) God's heart is always for my good. God has never allowed anything into my life that He could not make beautiful when surrendered to His skillful, loving hand. Ephesians 2:10, "For we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared in advance for us to do."

E) He who gave His son for me, will never withhold any good thing from me. Romans 8:31-32, "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?"

I've been thinking a lot lately about the power of personal testimony. A very wise friend spoke to me as I was coming out of that dark season saying, "Kristen, don't you think it's important when you look people in the eye and speak to them of God's faithfulness that there be something deep inside you that is able to communicate that with the conviction of experiential knowledge?" She was so right. I sit across my desk every day from broken women, and I can tell them with utter confidence that my God is mighty to save. I can look directly into the eyes of a friend steeped in dark pain and confidently tell him that God is near, and He is good.

Yes, there are times I admit it seems easier not to believe. But, the despair of that state of mind is intolerable. I choose the more difficult road of belief because hope sustains me. "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail." Lamentations 3:22

Quote

God cannot give us happiness and peace apart from Himself because it is not there. There is no such thing. ~ C.S. Lewis

Change?

I returned to DFW from 10 days in Peru on Sunday afternoon. Our plane landed about 11:30 a.m. By the time we dropped off film, ate lunch, picked up film, and got home it was 2:00 p.m. I enjoyed a leisurely soak in the tub, then got busy uploading pictures and journaling. Friends brought dinner over around 5:30, and we visited, looked at pics and souvenirs until 9:00. I went to bed at 9:45, woke just before 6:00 a.m. on Monday morning, and I was at my desk by 8:00. I worked, I ran errands, I had dinner with friends, I went to bed. I told everyone I was "fine" and I joked about how quickly I was diving back into life here. This morning, I woke much more slowly, and I took a long look at myself in the mirror as I prepared for work. I went through the motions of fixing my hair and putting on makeup (simple routines), but nothing felt the same. It seemed strange to put on make up, to spend time curling my hair, to search for earring to match my blouse. I thought to myself, "Did that trip really change me this much?" It nagged at me. Then, I headed into the kitchen and grabbed my usual Pop-Tart breakfast, and I thought, "Nah, it didn't change me that much," with a smirk. However, as I got in my car and drove to the office, I couldn't decide if I was more concerned that the trip had changed me or worried that maybe it hadn't. I know there are things about me that needed to be changed, and I want them to be different. I don't want to be the same as I was before I experienced a week in the jungle. I shouldn't be the same.

The two greatest things about my trip that I can identify so far are very simple things. 1) Not once during the entire time I was gone did I find myself doubting God's goodness, questioning His faithfulness, or wondering if His plan for my life really was a good one. I didn't worry about anything or question whether or not He really would show up in the places we visited each day. His presence was as real to me as the keys I'm typing on now, and as natural as the breaths that are sustaining me even now. 2) The gospel became simple again. As I translated a sermon one afternoon, and as I visited with a new believer on another occassion, I realized just how good the Good News is. 4 1/2 years of seminary education and a lifetime of Baptist politics had complicated things in my head. But, in the jungle, where people are literally dying for Hope, the simplicity of God's love story was stunning.

The IMB estimates that there are some 340,000 people in the Amazon River Basin who have yet to hear the gospel, who simply do not have access to the gospel because of their location. Yet, for some unknown reason, God has seen fit to make himself known in seven tiny Yagua villages along that mighty river's shores. And, the most confounding thing to me, He's seen fit to allow us to be a part of that glorious revelation.

The jungle was not easy to get to and my favorite place to stay. 10 hours in three different planes, another 10 hours in a motor boat, mosquitoes, biting flies, chiggars, spiders, unsanitary water, suffocating heat and humidity, cold showers (when showers were available at all), mud everywhere, and plenty of unidentifiable foods. Did I mention the hammocks? Or the roosters? The lack of electricity? Oh! let's not forget the monkeys! And yet, after all of that, something in me still thrills at the thought of it all. Something God-sized is happening in that jungle, and for five days, I got to be part of it.

Yes, I think it's fairly certain that it's changed me. I hope it's a permanent change.

Home again, home again!

I'm back from Peru. My notes from that trip are at www.reapperu.wordpress.com, but you can see pics here. I hope to have some entries up soon as I begin processing the things God taught me personally. This morning however, we have a new CCWJC class to kick off, and my head is spinning from the speed of the shift back into life here!

Peru Team Blog

www.reapperu.wordpress.com

Sometimes You Gotta Take a Step Back

I got sick last week. Wednesday night to be exact. I went to bed feeling queasy and woke up a number of times throughout the evening. I made it to work on Thursday morning, but I was very weak, and I went home right after lunch. I stayed home on Friday, dragged myself to Plano on Saturday, let my mama and daddy take care of me all weekend, and didn't really feel completely well until this morning. In that time, I received a number of phone calls, text messages, and emails that were not urgent and did not demand a response. Normally, I would have answered/responded anyway, just because that's who I am and how I do things. But, there was just no excess energy to do more than was absolutely necessary. Because of that, it was almost as though I got to enjoy my friendships from a distance. Instead of worrying about coming up with quick and witty responses, I got to just grin and appreciate the comedy of those who love me. Instead of casting about for something to offer people, I was able to just be -- and to realize that sometimes, that's enough. Instead of being so close, so right in the middle of my friends and the happenings of their daily lives, I got to take a step back. And, you know what I realized? I am absolutely crazy about them! I mean, 100% certifiably nuts about the zany, ecclectic group of people God lets me do life with. In fact, I was so captivated by this thought that I went back through my old emails and found one Ginger wrote nearly a year ago outlining her love for a number of her dear friends and was seriously tempted to try my own hand at such a list. However, I just don't know where to start or how to stop once I get going, so I will refrain for now. Today, it will simply have to be enough for me to tell you how blessed I feel, how my heart and mind overflow with thanksgiving for God's creativity. He knew I needed you, knows I need you, and sometimes, it's good to take a step back in order to see His wisdom in that more plainly.

If He Can Use Me, You Better Watch Out!

I leave for Peru next week. I will be traveling with five others into the Amazonian jungle for the purpose of strengthening and encouraging the young believers there, teaching them about baptism and the Lord's Supper. I am so excited, but I've also been very nervous.

Yes, I have a degree in Spanish. Yes, I survived three months in Mexico a few years ago. Yes, I use my Spanish pretty often in my work here. But still. Me? Really? Surely, there's someone else, someone better. Surely.

I tried to explain all of this to God. I tried to tell Him that He has picked the wrong girl. I tried to help Him see and understand all the benefits of picking a better missionary. But, He just said, "Go."

So, I'm writing to warn you. If He can use me, you better watch out. I'm pretty sure He can use ANYone!

At least I'm in good company with all these doubts and fears. Check out the prophet Jeremiah's calling:

Jeremiah 1:4-10

4 The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

6 "Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."

7 But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.

9 Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. 10 See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant."

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

I'm having the GIRLiest of days! My brain is exhausted from constantly having to battle the lies in my head about myself, about others and their perceptions of me, even about my future. My eyes are constantly tearing up over one thing or another. My emotions seem to magnify all of life in every way. And, my pretty new skirt got rained on this morning. It's not even 10:00 a.m., and this day is off to a very rough start. After I'd poured all of my woes out before the Lord this morning, there was only one song lyric stuck in my head.

"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,
Sweetest name I know!
Fills my every longing,
Keeps me singing as I go!"

Do you know that it's virtually impossible to stay in a funk while singing that song? Try it. Trust me. Impossible.

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart exults,
and with my song I shall thank Him." (Psalm 28:7)

A Fresh Perspective from a New Translation

"Was it in anger, LORD, that you struck the rivers and parted the sea?
Were you displeased with them?
No, you were sending your chariots of salvation!"

Habakkuk 3:3-15 records the prophet's vision of God coming to rescue His people from the evil Babylonians. It's a terrifying picture of the LORD's wrath against an evil people, including phrases about pestilence and plagues, earthquakes, shattered mountains, leveled hills, raging waters, and trampled nations. Yet, right smack dab in the middle of this terrifying vision, I read verse 8 as though for the first time today.

Earlier in the book, God tells Habakkuk to watch for His answer to the evil in the world, but to understand that even if God told him what was coming, he wouldn't believe it. So, then the prophet gets a vision, sees it happening, and it's terrible. It's God, the Holy One, the Enthroned One marching across the earth and destruction seems to preceed as well as follow His every step. Then, somewhere in the middle of it, the prophet remembers the purpose of this terrifying tirade. "You were sending your chariots of salvation." In verse 13 he writes, "You went out to rescue your chosen people, to save your anointed ones."

Words are failing me today. I am not coming close to adequately conveying what I want you to get. You see, lately, whether in my own life or the lives of people very near and dear to me, there seems to be a lot of destruction. Loss. Hurt. Devastation. Pain. Grief. Brokenness. And, many many times, I have thrown my hands in the air in utter defeat and surrender, confessing that I do not get it. All I can see is the awful.

This morning, I prayed that God would help me keep my gaze fixed on Him, that I would not lose sight of His radiant countenance in the midst of all that swirls around me. I confessed that I have failed miserably at this over and over again, and that only if He helps me do I stand a chance of getting it right. I'm no prophetess, but as I read Habakkuk's vision today, it was as if the Lord spoke sweetly to my heart from Isaiah 55.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

Reading Habakkuk 3:8 and 13 in the midst of the rest of the passage today felt like unlocking the mystery of Habakkuk's confidence in the rest of the chapter. Habakkuk understood God's purpose. He believe God's ultimate plan was to rescue His people. He knew that no matter what happened, "barren fig trees, failing crops, thinning herds, etc.," God's purpose for His people would not be, could not be thwarted, and it might just be that Divine purpose was being accomplished by what appeared to be desolation.